


children get older, i'm getting older too

by chilibambam



Category: GOT7
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Im 'Having A Mid Life Crisis At 26' Jaebeom, M/M, Slice of Life, Strangers to Lovers, chapter nine has smut :), jinyoung is always stressed, jinyoung is an after school care worker basically, mark and jb coparent yugyeom, single dad but not really jb, the maknae line + jackson are kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 74,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25086496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chilibambam/pseuds/chilibambam
Summary: Eight year olds will tell you exactly what’s wrong with your face and why you should change it and Jinyoung has long since gotten used to little kids telling him his face is too fat, his ears are too big, he sounds weird when he laughs. It’s all a part of the job and kids don’t really know any better when it comes to those kinds of comments but Jinyoung sort of understands why parents always ask him how he does it.But every day, he still goes to work no matter what.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB & Mark Tuan, Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 96
Kudos: 291





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> yes the title is a reference to landslide by the chicks and yes i belt that song out

“It’s Friday, why are you working so much?”

Wonpil’s question makes Jinyoung sigh, looking up at him from the teacher’s desk with tired eyes. He leans on his hand and he can’t help but smile because in Wonpil’s lap is Youngjae, scribbling away at a piece of paper rather angrily, his tiny face screwed up in a scowl. Wonpil drew a bird before and Youngjae has been absolutely  _ crushing _ the colouring in with a green pencil, trying so damn hard to stay inside the lines. Jackson is watching him with tired eyes, his cheek on the table, waiting for his mother to pick him up for fencing practise.

It’s a quiet afternoon for them since it’s Friday and Jinyoung always takes the Fridays at their centre to work on files or chase up parents who have yet to enrol their children completely in the service.

“Because it’s my job,” Jinyoung says to Wonpil, sounding defeated. “I would love to hold Youngjae while he draws, if you’re offering.”

“No,” Youngjae answers for him, not looking up from his drawing.

Jinyoung sighs again, looking back down at his records that are specifically about Bambam, about his siblings who are enrolled with other teachers. Jinyoung and Wonpil exclusively take care of younger year levels, namely first to fourth grade while the seniors stay with other teachers. They originally were only supposed to take first to third grade but Jackson refused to leave Jinyoung and fourth grade has a difficult time fitting in with the senior grades since they’re technically not seniors.

So Jinyoung took on the kids that wanted to stay with him after graduating third grade, namely Jackson and Jooheon because they wanted to stay together, especially since Jooheon’s younger brother is in the second grade. But today, Jooheon didn’t come and now, Jackson is bored as hell without his friend but will go home soon.

Right now, Jinyoung knows he’s not going to get much done if he keeps talking to Wonpil. “I’m going to move to the office. Will you be alright in here?”

Wonpil nods, smiling as he glances down at Youngjae. “Yeah, don’t worry. Finish up and I’ll head off once these two head home.”

“I’ll lock up after you then.”

Jinyoung’s office hours are usually extended past the care time at his own insistence. Wonpil goes home at five thirty, sometimes five o’clock and Jinyoung will stay after everyone has left to finalise anything they need, do a grocery list for the next week if need be and update their files. Right now, he has a few enrollments to process and parents to chase up on whether their children need care this term so he shouldn’t be too long.

Jinyoung loves kids. Though his care service is small, no more than thirty kids for him and Wonpil to handle, he does everything that he can to make sure the kids have a safe space. A few other volunteer teachers handle different year levels and Jinyoung manages all the office work for them, keeping the service running smoothly for everyone. 

Office work is mundane and Jinyoung would rather avoid it but it has to be done. Wonpil has tried to help him but Jinyoung likes to do everything by himself so that if there’s a mistake, he has nothing to chase up and no one else to blame. He keeps everything up to date and there’s never a moment that he’s not working, sadly. But he loves the kids he cares for, truly and no amount of boring office work will change that.

The work phone starts ringing and he pulls it off the wall quickly, pressing it to his ear. “Baby Birds School Care, Park Jinyoung speaking?”

_ “Hey, am I speaking to the director?” _

Jinyoung pulls out a pen and paper, flicking it around his fingers. “Yes, that’s me, Park Jinyoung.”

_ “Ah, Jinyoung-ssi, I’m looking to book my boy in? He’s six years old and attends your school but my partner recently changed jobs and we can’t balance our shifts in time to take care of him.” _ The man’s voice is soft and Jinyoung pulls up an empty records sheet on his computer, ready to get going.

“That’s fine,” he answers, rearranging the phone to use both hands. “Can I have your phone number and email so I can send you the information you need? Who am I speaking to right now?”

_ “Tuan Mark and yes, I’ll get that to you.” _

“Are you booking in for your son?” Jinyoung asks softly. “What is his name? I can look him up in the school records to save the time of having you fill everything in.”

Mark clears his throat and he sounds pleased, based on his voice.  _ “Awesome, thank you. His name is Kim Yugyeom. He’s in first grade.” _

Jinyoung types in the name, taking note of the different surnames. He opens Yugyeom’s records, finding his date of birth and current year level, copying the document into his own. “Okay, wonderful. I have to ask and forgive me if this is personal - it’s a precaution to know who is coming to pick Yugyeom up and sign him in and out of our program. Are you his father?”

_ “No, my partner is his guardian,” _ Mark answers and he doesn’t seem phased by the personal question which Jinyoung is grateful for. It’s always hard to gauge reactions from parents.  _ “Or is he not listed? It should be Im Jaebeom.” _

Jinyoung scans the document, finding a listed mother and father but the guardian title reads  _ Im Jaebeom _ , nothing else to show the relationship, despite the different surnames again. “Ah, yes, I see. Should I expect you or Jaebeom-ssi to come for Yugyeom?”

_ “Jaebeomie will drop him off and pick him up, though I might have to step in from time to time. Jaebeomie would let you know, in the mornings.” _

“Okay,” Jinyoung agrees, smiling. “I have his school records here and an immunization record. Would you be able to drop his birth certificate off to me so I can photocopy it and have my own file? I don’t want to access the school’s as we operate on a different platform and I can only pull certain files from the system.”

Mark shifts on the line but hums.  _ “Yeah, absolutely no problem. Do you need anything else?” _

Jinyoung scans the file, squinting. “The immunization records are from… last year? If you have any updated ones, I’d need those so we can keep track of them. Sometimes the school offers immunizations on site so it’s helpful to know who would need to update their shots.”

_ “I’ll ask Jaebeomie for them,”  _ Mark answers, a smile in his voice.  _ “I have your email so I’ll send over my information and we can start like that. All good? I’ll hand them over on Monday.” _

“No worries,” Jinyoung says, smiling in return. “Do you need care for the coming week?”

_ “Oh, yes. Once all the paperwork is through, I’ll let you know the certain days but for next week, Yugyeom will be in every day. Is that okay?” _

“That’s perfectly fine,” Jinyoung answers, shifting in his chair. “I’ll be in touch. See you, Mark-ssi.”

_ “Thanks, Jinyoung-ssi! Bye.” _

Jinyoung puts the phone back on the wall, sniffing as he does so. There’s an email that comes through on his computer and he stifles a yawn as he opens it, jotting down Mark’s email into Yugyeom’s file. Attached is Jaebeom’s contact information too and Jinyoung is grateful for how smooth the process is going. He’s had way too many issues with older parents not understanding his directions and that;s honestly not what he needs on this Friday afternoon.

Wonpil comes through the kitchen to the office after a while, holding his phone in his hand. “Hey, dude, I’m heading home. Are you done? I’ll walk you to your car.”

“No, I parked in the front carpark,” Jinyoung dismisses, waving his hand in thanks. “We got a new enrollment. Tuan Mark?”

Wonpil furrows his brows. “Should I know that name…?”

Jinyoung laughs, glancing down at his files. “No. Unless he’s famous? Google him.”

Wonpil does as he’s asked, curious but nothing really comes up. He shakes his head slowly, glancing up at Jinyoung. “Did he enrol his kid?”

Jinyoung hums. “His partner’s kid. Kim Yugyeom in first grade. I guess we’ll see him on Monday if I can get this paperwork through. He has my personal email so I’ll finish it over the weekend.”

Wonpil grins at him, offering his hand to help Jinyoung from his seat. “Good, because you need to sleep. You look like shit.”

“Tell me what you really think,” Jinyoung laughs, rubbing his eyes. He knows his friend isn’t wrong. He owns a mirror. He laughs again, taking Wonpil’s hand. “Walk me to my car. Or better yet, can you carry me?”

Wonpil scoffs at him. “Oh, you know I can’t.”

Jinyoung knows that but it doesn’t hurt to ask to be treated nice. Wonpil waits for him in the doorway as he takes his clipboard and prints out Yugyeom’s documents, emailing it to himself to work on it over the weekend just in case he misplaces it. “Let’s go,” he mumbles once he’s done, switching off his computer. 

Wonpil sees him out, getting into their cars to head home. Their afternoons can be tiring but Jinyoung is happy to head home to finally get some sleep. He works every day, sometimes taking Wednesdays off but this week has been full on for no reason. 

The drive home feels like a struggle and when he’s home, he remembers to check that he actually emailed himself Yugyeom’s documents and is glad to see that he did. It’s definitely a night in for him, a cup of tea and a book so he curls up on the couch after changing into his pajamas.

  
  


***

Jinyoung’s days aren’t as stressful as one might think.

Well, they’re not to him. When his normal day is taking care of children who scream and cry and ask him constantly if he’s married, he doesn’t really think of it as strange or stressful. There’s parents that constantly ask him how he does it but the answer is simple.

Jinyoung gets up, drinks his coffee at six in the morning and tries not to overthink for the remaining time he’s in his apartment. He doesn’t usually work the morning shift at the child centre since Wonpil works every morning and Younghyun helps out when he’s needed but sometimes, duty calls. 

Today, he’s rostered on and he checks himself in the mirror before leaving, trying to fix his hair as best as he can manage. He cut it too short in his bathroom the other day after having way too much confidence in his own skills so now he has to suffer.

Jinyoung normally wouldn’t fuss about his appearance. He keeps himself clean shaven and takes care of his skin as much as the next guy but after his botched haircut, he’s having second thoughts. It doesn’t look  _ that _ bad but sometimes, what Jinyoung deems as acceptable might not be the case for other people. That and working with kids means he has to have a thick skin, so he’s not entirely sure why he’s thinking so much about this. 

Eight year olds will tell you exactly what’s wrong with your face and why you should change it and Jinyoung has long since gotten used to little kids telling him his face is too fat, his ears are too big, he sounds weird when he laughs. It’s all a part of the job and kids don’t really know any better when it comes to those kinds of comments but Jinyoung sort of understands why parents always ask him how he does it.

But every day, he still goes to work no matter what. 

Jinyoung pulls into his parking space outside the centre, right next to the cleaners and swings his keys around his fingers. It’s just before seven and Wonpil is already inside setting up, always arriving before Jinyoung since he lives closer. They have to be in early before the kids to make them breakfast and though they don’t have many children in the morning, they make the program enjoyable for all.

Jinyoung unlocks the office first, a small little space for just the employees, mainly for himself since he runs the program. He’ll bring Wonpil’s bag in later, once he sets up and he smiles when his coworker gazes through the window that connects to the back room and kitchen. There’s two doors, one that connects to the hallway and the other to the kitchen and Wonpil knocks on it but doesn’t open it.

“Good morning!” his coworker greets, his voice muffled through the window and Jinyoung waves, switching on his computer. The door opens and Wonpil shoves his head through, his hair styled off his face and he smiles, bright and kind. “How are you?”

“Oh, you know,” he answers, shrugging one shoulder. “I’ll come help you in a second, yeah?”

“I’ve set up the toasters for breakfast already and the kettle’s boiling. You want a coffee?”

“If you wouldn’t mind.”

Wonpil closes the door softly, always mindful that Jinyoung hates it when it slams and he turns back to his computer, getting the roll of childrens’ names up and pressing print. He quickly scans the names, finding the familiar names of _Choi Youngjae, Bang Chan (Christopher), Kunpimook Bhuwakul (Bambam), Wang Jackson_ but one name confuses him.

_ Kim Yugyeom _ is on his list for today and he vaguely remembers someone calling him last week to book him in. His guardian is listed as  _ Im Jaebeom _ but Jinyoung doesn’t remember that name clearly. The man who called him wasn’t Jaebeom but Jinyoung for the life of him cannot remember his name. It wasn’t Korean, that’s for sure but God…

“Do you remember,” Jinyoung starts as he leans against the office door frame, glancing at Wonpil as his friend leans against the counter of the kitchen, “last week when that man called me about Kim Yugyeom? The six year old who needed care?”

Wonpil furrows his brows but nods slowly. “Yeah, vaguely. Why? Did he cancel the care?”

“No, but I can’t remember the man’s name. It was foreign.”

“Isn’t it on the records as his guardian?”

“Im Jaebeom is here, but that wasn’t his name. Do you remember?” Why is this so hard for Jinyoung to recall? He’s normally fantastic with names and Wonpil is close behind him.

“Foreign…” his coworker mumbles, turning back to the kettle when it clicks. “It- Oh! It was Mark. Tuan Mark, I think?”

Jinyoung agrees with that and quickly writes his name on a sticky note on his roll. Why didn’t he write a note of his name last week? He must have been really off his game. “Then who’s Jaebeom?”

“His partner,” Wonpil answers, ever helpful. “That’s what you said. Mark-ssi booked his partner’s kid. You want coffee still?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Jinyoung mumbles, frowning at the page. He supposes he’ll meet Yugyeom today, either way. Hopefully it’s Jaebeom that drops him off or there’s really going to be an issue about paperwork and various other details since Mark is not Yugyeom’s guardian but Mark said Jaebeom would normally drop him off either way. The conversation is starting to come back to him now.

Jackson is first through the hallway, his mother trying to get him to slow down but he barrels into the main room, throwing his bag to the floor and jumping at Jinyoung. He’s happy this morning which is good because a moody Jackson is never a good thing for anyone and Jinyoung pats his head, smiling down at him.

“Good morning!” he greets and Jinyoung laughs, greeting him back.

“You know what we do with our bags, don’t you, Sseun?”

Jackson blinks at him before grinning again, pulling away to take his bag and hang it on the hooks in the back of the room. He has to move through multiple short tables and almost trips on a play mat, not because the corner sticks up but because his shoelaces aren’t done up.

“Sseun, tie your shoelaces before you come sprinting in here,” Jinyoung calls, ticking his name off the list as Jackson’s mother signs him in electronically, right at the door. “Bye, Missus Wang, I’ll see you tonight.”

“Thanks, Jinyoung,” she smiles, waving to her boy who waves back at her, already sitting on the floor and ready to build something with Lego.

“Do you want something to eat?” Jinyoung offers even though Jackson always refuses. He eats in the morning before he comes but Jinyoung always makes sure he doesn’t want anything more, just in case he’s hungry. 

Jackson shakes his head, pressing blocks together. “I’m good! When’s Bambam coming?”

“You know he comes after eight o’clock,” Jinyoung chides softly, tucking his pen behind his ears. “I tell you every morning. His mother drops him late because of his siblings.”

“His sister is gonna come here in a few years,” Jackson answers, even though Jinyoung didn’t say anything. 

“And you’ll be in sixth grade.”

“Yes!”

Jinyoung smiles, glancing at Wonpil who’s standing in the doorway to the kitchen, watching Jackson as he shoves Lego pieces together and tries to build some kind of ship. His gloves are on and Jinyoung nods to him when they both stand up straight at Youngjae’s high voice, telling his brother to hurry up and dragging him down the hallway.

“We’re  _ late _ ,” Youngjae says to Jinyoung as he walks in, annoyed, “because hyung wouldn’t get out of the shower.”

“Maybe he had things to do,” Wonpil offers before promptly leaving to ready Youngjae’s breakfast as the boy hangs his bag up.

Youngjae’s brother signs him in before heading to the other rooms which is where Jackson is supposed to be but he specifically asked to be minded by Jinyoung. He waves to Jinyoung who does the same before turning to Youngjae, putting his hands in his pockets. 

“Maybe he was shaving,” Jackson says, looking up from his Lego. “My dad takes a long time when he shaves.”

“My brother is nine,” Youngjae deadpans, frowning at him. “Do you shave?”

Jackson smiles, his face almost splitting in two. “Soon!”

“Go eat,” Jinyoung says, sending Youngjae into the kitchen. “Wonpil is waiting, kid.”

The rest of the kids start filing in as the morning goes on. Chan is next to come through, his little brother Felix trying to come in after him but their mother catches him before he can hide himself like he did once a few months ago. Jooheon comes in shortly after, doesn’t eat and throws himself on top of Jackson, laying on the floor. His brother, Changkyun, toddles in too, greeting Youngjae as he passes. Bambam soon joins Jackson and Jinyoung has to put the boy’s bag onto the hook by himself.

“Is that kid here yet?” Wonpil asks as he watches everyone settle in, taking off his gloves from cooking. “Yugyeom?”

Jinyoung opens his mouth to respond before there’s a soft knock at the door, drawing their attention. Wonpil makes a noise that is entirely directed at Jinyoung because the man that stands at the doorway with a child on his hip is incredibly hot and looks like he doesn’t know where he is. He’s tall, long hair that reaches his shoulders half tied back in a ponytail and he smiles softly, his eyes alight.

Now, Jinyoung isn’t someone who flirts. He never has been and never will be but this man is very attractive and normally, Jinyoung hates piercings of any kind. He was raised like that, with his mother shading body modification of any kind and he can tell that his mother would hate this man with the amount of metal in his ears, nose and lip. He looks like every conservatives worst nightmare but it still looks good, even with the diamond nose stud gleaming.

“Hello,” Wonpil greets suddenly because Jinyoung won’t, going for casual. “Can I help you?”

The man shifts the school bag on his shoulder and offers his hand to shake, rings adorning his fingers. “Uh, hey, I’m Jaebeom? I was told where to go but I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“Well, ideally you should give us your child,” Wonpil laughs and Jaebeom does too, putting the boy - Yugyeom - down but he doesn’t leave Jaebeom’s side, hiding himself behind his leg. 

Now, that whole description of Jaebeom should throw Jinyoung and his impeccable taste for men off the man in front of him. That, and Jaebeom is  _ taken _ , since Mark said  _ partner _ over the phone but Jinyoung is still being ridiculous and on the verge of gaping at Jaebeom because somehow, he’s very attractive despite Jinyoung’s earlier standards.

“Sorry,” Jaebeom says, sheepish as he grips the bag strap. “Mark put through all the information. He spoke to Jinyoung-ssi?” He doesn’t say partner, probably because this is a room full of children and two adults he’s never met before.

Wonpil nods, gesturing to Jinyoung haphazardly. “Yes, that’s our manager. Jinyoung, can you stop being weird for a second and help Jaebeom-ssi?”

Jinyoung blinks, his eyes trained on Jaebeom’s lip ring and he smiles, irritated at himself.  _ God, get it together.  _ “Okay, yeah. Come with me? To the office.” Jesus, fuck.

Jaebeom grins, nodding before he leans down to Yugyeom, pulling him away from his leg. “Okay, Gyeom, you gotta let go of me. I’ll see you tonight, yeah? After school?”

Yugyeom stares at him for a second before he nods, wrapping his arms around Jaebeom’s neck. Jaebeom rubs his back, giving him a cuddle and pulls away to fuss over his too long hair, pushing it out of his eyes. “Be good for them, okay? Make some friends. I love you.”

Yugyeom nods again and takes his bag from Jaebeom, pulling away. Jaebeom watches him go, standing up straight and he looks wistful, like he doesn’t want to let Yugyeom go but still turns to Jinyoung and smiles. There’s a ring in his nose that Jinyoung pointedly ignores because he just got a full view of the four piercings in Jaebeom’s right ear and he doesn’t need more food for thought.

“I’m assuming this is all new for you?” Jinyoung asks as he leads Jaebeom down the hall, the long way to the office which is tucked away into the corner at the building. “To drop your son off at care?”

“Oh, he’s not-” Jaebeom flushes, rubbing his neck and Jinyoung decides that he will not find that cute. “Yugyeom isn’t my son. He’s my half brother but I have custody. It’s… It’s a long story.”

Well, that’s not new but Jaebeom isn’t listed as a brother on Yugyeom’s records. “No need to explain, so long as I have the right records,” he answers. He’s never one to pry and family business is not his concern unless it’s a concern of the child. There’s no need for him to know unless it’s urgent. “I have you listed as his guardian but I need a few other things. Can I have a moment?”

“Yeah, anything you need.” Jaebeom stands awkwardly in the office space but Jinyoung gestures for him to sit in the only other seat. “What did Mark give you? He sort of handled everything and then didn’t tell me anything aside from where to drop Yugyeom and what time to do that.”

Jinyoung huffs a laugh and shakes his head. “Well, you did well just based on that. I have Yugyeom’s birth records and I need an updated immunization record if you have one. I would assume he has no allergies that I should be aware of? Mark-ssi should have emailed those too, but you can never be sure.”

“No, he has no allergies,” Jaebeom answers, smiling slightly but his expression drops as his eyes widen. “Should I check? Do you want me to?”

“No,” Jinyoung smiles, waving his hand. “If it’s never come up then it shouldn’t be a problem. If he has any allergies, you would know by now. No gluten or lactose intolerance?” Jaebeom shakes his head. “Okay, wonderful. Mark-ssi has already paid for this day completely but I can send you the details of how to pay. If he’s happy to keep paying then there should be no issue.”

Jaebeom shakes his head and pulls out his phone to write down what Jinyoung tells him. “No, I won’t do that to him. He does enough for me.”

Jinyoung doesn’t pry so it’s absolutely ridiculous when he says, “It’s nice when we have people in our lives like that. Selfless.” Mark said  _ partners _ so Jinyoung hopes he’s not offending.

But Jaebeom agrees, smiling to himself and that’s that. Jinyoung stares at his computer before he remembers he’s supposed to be telling Jaebeom how to pay for this program. “He’s always been like that for me. Ever since I got Yugyeom.”

Jinyoung will not make an assumption because that is dangerous. He keeps his words to himself because Jaebeom has no reason to disclose anything about his relationships to him. Jinyoung has never met Mark and it’s likely that he never will so whatever their relationship is, it’s none of Jinyoung’s business. 

“I’ll get everything that I need over to you today,” he says after printing out a copy of the details Mark sent him. “Read over that and just send me over a copy of Yugyeom’s immunization records because those are from last year. They’re still valid but if you have any new ones, I need to have them on record. I told Mark-ssi that and he said he would ask you.”

Jaebeom nods, pocketing his phone quickly and standing up. Jinyoung follows him, shaking his hand and wishes him well. The other closes the door behind him and Jinyoung sits in his office chair, collapsing. 

That could have gone a lot worse but what’s ridiculous is that Jinyoung was just reminded in bright neon letters inside his own head that he is in fact, attracted to men. 

Men who are good with kids, to be specific.

Jinyoung stares at his blurry reflection in the blackened computer and squints. “Keep it to yourself,” he says to himself, as if it will work. Not to mention that Jaebeom is  _ taken.  _ “You can not be gay for a second. You can and you will.” 

But Jinyoung knows Jinyoung is lying.

  
  


***

It’s Yugyeom’s first day and he has not spoken a word to Jinyoung at all. 

All the kids trailed in after school and Jackson was only here for half an hour before going to fencing practise. Jooheon is sitting in the reading corner with Bambam, both of them quiet for once. Youngjae is playing with the Lego, his big glasses up his nose as Changkyun watches him and Yugyeom is sitting at one of the centre tables, avoiding eye contact with everyone. Wonpil is about to leave, since there’s only five kids, his sunglasses on his head.

“Say bye to Wonpil-hyung,” Jinyoung says and Youngjae gives a wave without looking, only when Jooheon and Bambam shout a goodbye. Yugyeom says nothing, his eyes on the wall.

Jinyoung sits next to Yugyeom, picking out a few pencils from the middle of the table and taking a piece of paper that Youngjae has already drawn on. Yugyeom’s eyes watch him, finally pulling off the wall but he still doesn’t speak, his expression blank.

“Let’s draw something, hm?” Jinyoung says, taking a black pencil in his hand. “Youngjae has already drawn an… Is it an owl?”

Yugyeom blinks at the paper and says nothing, looking at Jinyoung again. Now that Jinyoung really looks at him, he realises that the boy and Jaebeom don’t look very similar. Jinyoung supposes that’s not so strange - they’re half-brothers after all but their features are completely different, their eyes contrasting each other. Yugyeom’s nose is different to Jaebeom’s too but there’s some things Jinyoung can’t compare, considering Jaebeom is about twenty years more developed than his half-brother.

“It’s an otter!” Youngjae yells and Bambam shushes him, scowling at him for the sudden noise. “Sorry, I had to say what my drawing was. Keep reading.”

“I’m trying,” Bambam says, sniffing as he squints at the pages. “I can read the Thai in here.”

Youngjae smiles at him, shoving his glasses back up his face. “That’s really good!”

Bambam beams and there’s a touch of a smile on Yugyeom’s face when he looks back at Jinyoung’s paper, taking it from him. His expression clears again and he takes Jinyoung’s pencil, starting to draw over Youngjae’s otter. 

Youngjae leaves without asking for his otter drawing back and Jinyoung lets Bambam take the book he’s been reading home. He knows Bambam’s family speaks Thai at home and his mother is quite good with English, just like her son. Bambam’s Korean is improving too and Jackson teaches him, since they both are bilingual.

Yugyeom looks at him slowly from his paper, staring openly at him. He neither nods or shakes his head, just shrugs and looks back down at his drawing. Jooheon’s dad comes in and Jinyoung waves at him, greeting his father warmly.

Jaebeom shows up at five thirty, half of his hair tied into a bun on top of his head that jiggles on his head when he moves. Yugyeom stands up and very nearly sprints to him, forgetting his bag at the back of the room. Jaebeom picks him up when he gets close enough.

“Hey, kid,” he greets, smiling at him and it’s so full of love that Jinyoung feels like he shouldn’t look. “You had fun today?”

Yugyeom nods and Jinyoung is relieved to see that. He was starting to get worried he wasn’t making any progress, despite it only being the first day. Yugyeom leans in and whispers something to Jaebeom who pulls back to grin at him.

“He says he liked maths,” Jaebeom says and Jinyoung chuckles, wringing his hands together in front of him. “Here, come on. You gotta grab your bag. I’ve still got to cook dinner so we have to get home.”

Yugyeom drops back down and grabs his bag from the hooks, throwing it on his back. He hands his drawing to Jaebeom and his brother coos at it, sweet. “We can put it on Mark’s fridge, huh? Or do you want it on ours?”

Yugyeom nods, which isn’t an answer because Jaebeom asked two questions but it’s an answer to Jaebeom. He smiles at Jinyoung, taking Yugyeom’s bag from him. “Thanks, Jinyoung-ssi. I’ll see you tomorrow. Say bye to Jinyoung-hyung.”

Yugyeom doesn’t but he waves, taking Jaebeom’s hand afterwards. The older man smiles at Jinyoung, waving over his shoulder too. Jinyoung smiles back, a small lift of his lips but he stands up properly and stops Jaebeom.

“Yugyeom, could I talk to your hyung for a little while?” he asks softly, gesturing back to the table. “Would that be okay?”

Yugyeom nods and sits back down, no complaints as he grabs a pencil and a piece of paper. Jaebeom watches him, putting down Yugyeom’s bag and he crosses his arms, leaning back on the doorframe.

“Has he been okay?” he asks, glancing at Yugyeom. He’s worried, Jinyoung can tell but he nods, thankful that Jaebeom relaxes.

“I just wanted to ask some things,” Jinyoung says, standing tall. “Yugyeom hasn’t spoken all afternoon and I know that this is a new environment and that he doesn’t know these children but I wanted to let you know. He doesn’t reply to me and I was curious to know if he does that at home?”

Jaebeom’s tongue presses between his lips, just the tip as his brows furrow a little. “He’s… a little quiet but no, I wouldn’t say he doesn’t speak at home. He talks a lot to me but I suppose he just needs time to warm up, I guess? He was shy around Mark at first.”

Jinyoung nods, understanding. “Okay, it’s just good to clear things up. It should clear up then, since I think it’s just shyness. He didn’t speak to Wonpil all afternoon though so I thought that I should let you know.”

“I’ll talk to him about it,” Jaebeom says, smiling softly. “He’s not usually shy but around new people, he can be. Thank you for asking me about it.”

“Don’t stress,” Jinyoung dismisses, waving.

“Gyeom, let’s go!” Jaebeom calls, pulling the boy’s bag back onto this shoulder. “Thanks Jinyoung, seriously. We’ll see you tomorrow, right, Gyeom?”

Yugyeom holds Jaebeom’s hand again and nods, trying to drag him out of the room. Jinyoung ushers them out, smiling as they go and he sighs when he shuts the door, exhausted. It’s only a Monday and he’s already tired; typical of him but he can’t be too angry at himself. Children can be exhausting no matter the day but Jinyoung loves them so he can’t hate his job.

Jinyoung fixes up his office, sorting through what he needs before he locks up the whole building, clenching his keys in his fist as he heads to his car. The sun isn’t down yet despite it being close to six thirty which Jinyoung is grateful for.

The sun usually sets as he drives, brightening his car into a sunburnt red. He doesn’t mind driving since he does so every day, keeping the radio low as he goes. It calms him down even though he doesn’t often listen to whatever’s popular these days - it’s nice to have the alone time to himself before he gets back home. He would normally connect his phone but right now, he doesn’t have the energy, the radio sufficient enough to fill the ambient silence.

Jinyoung sighs when he steps into his apartment, dropping his messenger bag at the door, too lazy to take it to his bedroom. He flips the kettle on and takes off his jacket, hanging it on the back of his dining table chair.

It only takes another few hours before Jinyoung is asleep, nine thirty at night and his alarm is set for the next day. He’s usually not this bad but it seems Monday has been an upset for his mind and his body. He’s out cold, a cup of tea abandoned on his bedside table. 

That about sums up his life - God, is he an old man?

  
  


***

It takes another two weeks before Jinyoung meets Mark.

Jinyoung is in the room with Bambam in his lap since the boy had a really hard morning with his siblings, walking inside with tears streaming down his face. Jinyoung has been reading to him for the past ten minutes and normally, he shouldn’t be doing this but it’s hard when a six year old is crying and won’t stop unless you cuddle him. 

“Jinyoung-ssi?” comes a deep voice and Jinyoung looks up at him, giving a strained smile. Yugyeom has his fingers in his mouth but promptly stops when Jinyoung smiles at him, something they’ve been working on together since Yugyeom tends to shove things in his mouth without thinking. Those are usually his fingers or a pencil so Jinyoung has been keeping a careful eye out for him for the past two weeks.

“That’s me,” Jinyoung answers the man who dusts his hands off and offers one to shake. “You’re Mark-ssi, I presume?”

“Yeah,” Mark laughs, smiling at Yugyeom as the boy waddles to the back of the classroom and puts his bag on the hook. “Sorry, I should have told you in advance that I was dropping him off this morning. Jaebeomie is a little overwhelmed these days so I’m helping him out.”

Jinyoung nods in understanding. “Don’t worry. Jaebeom-ssi set up a login in for you so there’s no need to warn me.”

“Understood,” Mark smiles. “Jaebeomie will be back tonight, though. Thanks for this, Jinyoung-ssi.”

Jinyoung shakes his head, dipping down slightly. “It’s no problem. Did Jaebeom-ssi tell you about Yugyeom? I spoke with him last week.” Jinyoung would assume that he has, since they’re together and presumably live together but he can never be too careful when it comes to children.

And Mark nods, his smile a breath of fresh air. “Yes, I think he gets that from me. Jaebeomie doesn’t talk much and neither do I. We talk to Yugyeom, obviously, but… I guess he picked up my habits.” He laughs now and Jinyoung knows it’s innocent, something Mark himself can’t control. Kids pick things up no matter who it’s from so Jinyoung won’t fault him.

“He’s not overly quiet at home,” Mark tells him, leaning on the doorframe as he watches Yugyeom sit down with Bambam, silently asking for the book. Bambam’s eyes are still puffy but he hands Yugyeom the book, telling him where he was Yugyeom nods and they look at the pictures together, not able to read the words yet.

“But I suppose this kind of thing is something kids grow out of?”

Jinyoung can’t argue with that. “He’ll warm up, I just thought it was a little strange since he not only doesn’t speak but seems to have no expression.”

“Oh, that’s definitely my fault,” Mark laughs, sheepish. He scratches behind his ear, smiling softly. “But that would change, wouldn’t it? Since he’s no longer spending as much time with Jaebeomie and I?”

Jinyoung smiles, finding it sweet that both of them have been so mindful of this. “Yes, he’ll grow into his environment. It’s good to be grateful that he is responsive. Some children learn too early to ignore carers and not listen… I haven’t had that problem with Yugyeom, though. He shows me he’s listening even though he doesn’t speak.”

Mark sighs, relieved. “That’s good, then. I’m not normally one to worry about this stuff - I’ve got a lot of little cousins and nieces, you know? But Yugyeom…”

“It’s different when it’s your little one,” Jinyoung offers, touching a hand to Mark’s arm. “Don’t worry, I’m making sure he’s getting along well. He’s already doing really well with Bambam and they’re the same age. I think they’re getting along really well.”

Mark’s smile is a ray of sunshine, even with his sharp teeth. It’s easy to tell how much this means to him, that Yugyeom is getting along with kids his age. Jinyoung shakes his hand a final time before seeing him out, waving. 

Jinyoung is surprised to find Bambam leaning on Yugyeom’s shoulder when he settles his attention back on them and Bambam’s eyes are drooping. Yugyeom doesn’t seem bothered at all and they have a new book, one that’s only pictures. Yugyeom is flipping through it slowly and Bambam is very close to falling asleep, his eyes no longer red and irritated from crying.

Jinyoung has to stop Jackson before he comes barging in with his voice as loud as a drum, pressing a finger to his lips in warning. “Bambam is asleep,” he whispers and the boy’s eyes widen, nodding seriously. “He didn’t have a good morning and I’m not sure how much he slept so please, be quiet.”

“Got it!” Jackson whispers, saluting. “Is Yugyeom okay with him?”

Jinyoung pats his head, nudging him softly. “Don’t worry about them, Sseun. Go put your bag away.”

The morning goes by slowly, Youngjae coming in and charging into the kitchen before Jinyoung can even greet him. Jooheon collapses on the floor next to Jackson at eight thirty and Bambam is still asleep, Yugyeom now leaning against the wall to give Bambam a more comfortable spot to sleep. He ends up shifting and wrapping his arm around Bambam to pull him close, keeping him warm.

“Yugyeom,” Jinyoung calls when he sits down on the chair at the front of the classroom, ready to start their morning events and news. “Do you want to stay there with Bambam or will you sit here?” He shakes his head, looking at Bambam. “Are you in his class?” Yugyeom nods, looking up at Jinyoung now. “Then will you tell him the news for me?”

Yugyeom blinks, his lips parting and for a second, Jinyoung thinks he might speak but he simply looks down and gently wakes Bambam up, pushing his hair haphazardly out of his eyes. Bambam groggily opens his eyes and stares at Yugyeom with half lidded eyes, unsure of what he’s doing. He blinks and Yugyeom points to Jinyoung, drawing his attention away.

“Oh…” he mumbles, rubbing his eyes. He doesn’t stand up, just crawls over to the circle and Jackson rubs his back, grinning at him. Jinyoung watches as Yugyeom sits down too, crossing his legs nicely and he smiles down at his list of announcements, ready to start.

Good progress for today.


	2. two

It’s Jackson’s birthday.

“He’s been bouncing off the walls all morning,” his mother says to Wonpil when the third grader comes racing through the door, the first one here. He has a container full of cupcakes that he’s already putting them on the tables for the kids to come in and take one. He hands one to Wonpil before running to Jinyoung.

“I made them myself!” he announces, smiling up at them. He’s lost a few teeth and Jinyoung coos at him, patting his head in thanks. “It’s Bambam’s birthday next!”

“It’s mine next!” Wonpil replies, shaking his head. “How could you forget! You and I a month apart!”

Jackson laughs, tapping Wonpil’s hand around his cupcake. “April twenty-eighth! Bambam is May second!”

Jinyoung waves to his mother who already looks tired but she blows Jackson a few kisses, which he returns because he’s a good boy and he plants himself down on the circle mat, his bag still on his back. 

Yugyeom comes in next, Jaebeom behind him with a mask tucked underneath his chin. Yugyeom doesn’t look overly happy, a tiny furrow between his brows as he pulls through the hallway. Jaebeom looks exhausted and he scratches his head as Yugyeom walks in, his eyes sunken in.

“Tough morning?” Jinyoung prompts, crossing his arms. 

“You have no idea,” the older sighs, dropping his arms in a huff. “Mark was supposed to stay over last night but he didn’t since he had work early in the morning and Yugyeom has been upset with me since then.”

Jinyoung watches Yugyeom take a cupcake from Jackson and soon enough, the boy is calm, munching away and Jackson smiles, telling him what he got for his birthday. “Kids can be like that,” Jinyoung says, glancing at Jaebeom again. “It’s hard to change plans on them, especially since he and Mark-ssi are close.”

Jaebeom sniffs, rubbing his nose. “I know, it’s just… I don’t know. At least he’s warming up. He said Bambam and him sit next to each other in class. Their teacher put them together.”

Jinyoung is surprised to hear that. It’s only been a month since Yugyeom started coming to their program and he has been keeping Jaebeom up to date with how he’s been progressing but outside of the program, Jinyoung has no idea how Yugyeom is. If there’s no issue in class or in the program, Jinyoung has nothing to report and neither does his teacher which is a good thing.

“And he says he likes when you read to him,” Jaebeom adds, smiling at Jinyoung who flushes, ducking his head, He’s been told that before but something about hearing it from Jaebeom makes his heart beat faster. He’s taken, Jinyoung knows this but his heart is ridiculous and Jaebeom is filling a lot of his bad boy fantasies that he never had as an angsty teenager.

_ He’s taken! Stop being the worst person! _ he screams at himself before meeting Jaebeom’s eyes again and smiling like nothing’s wrong. “I’m glad to hear that. Maybe Yugyeom could go to Mark-ssi’s place tonight? If he’s that upset by it.” He’s prying because he assumed Jaebeom and Mark lived together, especially since Jaebeom has custody of his brother but that’s news to him.

“Mark’s place is smaller than mine but it doesn’t matter where we are,” Jaebeom sighs, crossing his arms. “I guess he just likes Mark better than he likes me.”

“It’s not personal,” Jinyoung offers, giving him a strained laugh. “A few kids prefer Wonpil to me. You learn not to be offended.”

Jaebeom pouts and Jinyoung has to stop the knee jerk reaction to cup his face and coo.  _ Get it together, for fuck’s sake.  _ “But I’m his brother.”

Jinyoung settles for patting his arm, just like he did to Mark. He sort of understands why they’re together because why wouldn’t they be? Jaebeom and Mark are gorgeous and seem to balance each other out easily. “Both of you are older, so Yugyeom most likely sees you are more of a father than specifically a brother. He’s still young and you both set examples for him. You have to be patient as he grows up.”

Jaebeom nods, sighing. “I know. Sometimes I think I’m not cut out for this.”

“No one is,” Jinyoung reassures, drawing his hand away. “But that’s the fun thing about kids. You never know what you’re going to get and you get to see their personalities and how they develop. It’s a beautiful thing.” 

He blinks and his ears flush when Jaebeom grins at him, Jinyoung’s eyes drifting to his lip ring for a second before he meets his eyes again. “That’s… just in my experience. I don’t have kids of my own so-”

“Hey, me either,” Jaebeom laughs, touching his shoulder and Jinyoung only just manages to suppress his shiver at the touch. “But thanks for everything, either way. You’re a good guy.”

Jinyoung nods, unable to respond and he’s lucky because Jaebeom leaves after dropping a kiss on Yugyeom’s head. The boy ignores him, still chewing his cupcake with big cheeks but he watches Jaebeom leave, his eyes clearing.

Bambam is next in the door and it doesn’t take long for him to slump on Yugyeom’s back, arms around his neck. “Happy birthday, Jacks,” he says and Yugyeom nods in agreement, holding Bambam’s arms. Jackson gives Bambam a cupcake, feeding it to him and he does the same thing when Youngjae comes out of the kitchen, throwing himself onto the mat.

“Happy birthday to Jackson,” Jinyoung greets when he sits down in the seat for the morning announcements, watching as Jooheon takes his cupcake and kisses Jackson’s cheek. All of them chorus happy birthdays and Jackson beams because he’s the star of the show today. “Let’s get started, okay?”

Wonpil sits down on the mat with the kids and Youngjae crawls into his lap, his face covered in icing and crumbs but Jinyoung doesn’t comment. He gets on with the announcements and has to tell Jackson to settle down when he keeps talking but there’s no hard feelings.

“Good morning to you all,” Jinyoung finishes, smiling at them all. They return it and the eldest children grab their bags, Jackson going as far as kissing Bambam’s head before he leaves with Jooheon trailing after him. Youngjae is next to go and Bambam is still on Yugyeom’s back, holding him close and they leave together when Jinyoung lets them go, gesturing to the bags before they forget.

“I’m staying late tonight!” Bambam says as he walks out of the classroom, hand in hand with Yugyeom who nods, waving quickly to Jinyoung and Wonpil.

“Jackson’s going to be insane tonight,” Wonpil says, standing up. He cracks his back and sighs, helping Jinyoung out of the chair.

“Get ready for it,” Jinyoung tells him, shaking his hand. May the best carer win.

  
  


***

“Jaebeom-ssi,” Jinyoung whispers when the older man appears in the hallway that afternoon. “Come in quietly - Yugyeom is asleep.”

“He’s  _ asleep?” _ Jaebeom hisses, jogging to the door. “How did you manage to-”

He stops completely, in front of Jinyoung as he stares at Bambam and Yugyeom cuddled up in the reading corner, Bambam on the floor with his head in Yugyeom’s lap. Yugyeom is dead asleep, snoring softly and even though Bambam keeps moving, he doesn’t shift at all, staying completely still for his friend.

“His mother is late today,” Jinyoung says to Jaebeom, standing next to him. “She had to cover an extra shift and won’t be here until six.” Jackson left pretty early on, having to go to fencing practise even though it’s his birthday and Youngjae wasn’t far behind him, leaving Bambam with Yugyeom.

They’ve been good all afternoon, Bambam chattering non stop while Yugyeom either stared at him or nodded along. They drew together and played with the Lego, helping each other build a house of all different colours which Bambam begged Jinyoung to keep on the desk at the front of the room. 

Jaebeom huffs a small laugh as he looks down at them, “I don’t want to wake them up…” He sighs, looking back at Jinyoung. “How long have they been like that? Yugyeom can be such a pain to get to sleep sometimes.”

“About twenty minutes, I’d say,” Jinyoung answers, leaning against the desk. “Bambam is the same. If he doesn’t have a good morning, there’s no hope. But he was in my lap the other day and Yugyeom stayed with him the whole morning. Maybe the both of them just need a friend.”

Jaebeom smiles, his eyes twinkling with something soft inside. “Gyeom’s been telling me about Bambam in class. He likes Jackson too.”

Jinyoung tries not to feel so helpless at the information. Yugyeom still isn’t speaking to him or Wonpil and Jinyoung understands - children are more comfortable with children - but he tends to feel a little lost when Jaebeom or Mark tell him about Yugyeom talking so much at home. It’s nothing personal and Jinyoung knows that but he can’t help but sigh.

“He’ll open up to you,” Jaebeom says now despite Jinyoung not saying anything. “You’re doing a fantastic job, Jinyoung-ssi. I promise.”

Jinyoung smiles, close lipped. “Thank you, but I don’t do this for thanks. I know that’s not what you mean but… I don’t know. Sometimes, it feels like nothing is going right. That’s nothing about Yugyeom, I just mean in general.” He sighs, laughing. “It’s been a long day.”

Jaebeom returns the chuckle, crossing his arms. “You know, I still have no idea what I’m doing with Yugyeom. I got custody when he was four so it’s only been two years. I still don’t know what’s going on with me and him.”

Jinyoung figured as much, since Jaebeom seems very young to have raised a six year old by himself. “If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?”

“I’m twenty-six,” Jaebeom answers, wrinkling his nose and Jinyoung avoids looking at his nose ring. “You?”

_ We’re the same age?  _ “I’ll be twenty-six in September.”

“Mark is born in September.” Jaebeom crosses his arms, nodding to Yugyeom. “But twenty-seven. He wants to take Yugyeom back to the states for Christmas.”

“Would you want to do that?” Jinyoung blinks, confused. He didn’t know Mark was from the states but he supposes it makes sense, with his name and different last name. “I would assume you’d go with him?”

Jaebeom nods again. “Yeah, but I’ve never been to America. I guess I’d have to warm Yugyeom up to it, though. Our mother would want to spend Christmas with us.”

So Jaebeom has custody of Yugyeom but they have the same mother? And are in contact with her? Jinyoung is finding more and more pieces of the puzzle and has nowhere to put them. He mainly tries to stay outside of the parents’ business but Jaebeom opening up isn’t something he’ll stop. Jinyoung prides himself in being open with his services.

“I hope it works out for you,” he says, smiling softly. “Does Mark-ssi have a big family?”

Jaebeom chuckles, his eyes blowing wide for a moment. “Yeah, huge, compared to ours. But all of them live in America so it’s sort of chance I even met Mark. He’s been by my side for four years now and took Yugyeom in when I didn’t have a proper apartment.”

“He must really be special to you,” Jinyoung says as Jaebeom stands up and grabs Yugyeom’s bag. The boy is slowly starting to wake up and in a few more minutes, Bambam’s mother will be here anyway so Yugyeom looks up at his brother and yawns.

“Yeah,” Jaebeom responds, smiling at Yugyeom as he wakes up. “Mark is good to me. Come on, kiddo or do you want to stay until Bambam’s mother comes?”

Yugyeom stares at his brother with bleary eyes, confused at the words before he nods. He looks at Bambam and moves his hair off his forehead. Bambam furrows his brow in his sleep but he wakes up too, pulling away from Yugyeom.

“Your hyung is here,” he says, his voice sleepy and Yugyeom holds out his hand, staring down at it. Bambam takes it and they stand up together and Jinyoung just smiles, pleased at the friendship between them.

“They’re inseparable,” he says to Jaebeom who watches the two of them as Bambam fixes Yugyeom’s hair on his forehead. “Bambam was the only first grader here for a while until Chan came along but they’re in different classes. Yugyeom has been claimed as his best friend.”

Jaebeom laughs, leaning against Jinyoung’s desk for a moment. There’s something about him that Jinyoung can’t explain, the way his eyes show everything that he feels and when he looks at Yugyeom, it can only be described as pure love.

“You made a friend?” he asks when Yugyeom lets go of Bambam’s hand to finally hug him in greeting. “Will you introduce me?”

Yugyeom glances at Jinyoung, unsure but Bambam seems to understand completely and smiles at Jaebeom, gap tooth and all. “I’m Bambam! Yugyeom says you’re his brother. He talks about you in class.”

Yugyeom goes to punch Bambam in the arm but Jaebeom catches him before he can, tutting at him. “Okay, that’s not very nice, yeah? You know we don’t do that, Gyeom. I know you’re embarrassed but it’s not nice to hit people.”

“I don’t mind,” Bambam says quickly, his eyes wide but that’s not the point.

“He’s not in trouble, Bam,” Jinyoung adds, kneeling on the floor when Bambam’s expression morphs into fear, about to cry. “It’s okay, I promise. Yugyeom didn’t mean it like that but we’re still not allowed to hit people.”

“Youngjae hits Jackson,” Bambam whines as Yugyeom hides behind Jaebeom’s leg, making the older man sigh. 

“And Wonpil-hyung has had to tell him off for that a lot too,” Jinyoung says softly. “It’s nice that Yugyeom talks about Jaebeom-hyung to you, right? There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Bambam nods and ends up smiling when Yugyeom pokes his head out from Jaebeom’s leg. “Yugyeom’s hyung is a good brother! That’s what he said to me.”

Jaebeom touches a hand to his head, huffing a small laugh. “I try. Yugyeom, maybe you should invite Bambam over sometime.”

Bambam grins and Yugyeom smiles, a little twitch of his lips that quickly hides by turning his face into Jaebeom’s slacks. “That’d be cool!” Bambam replies and Yugyeom nods, his eyes wide as Jaebeom cards his fingers through his hair.

Bambam’s mother knocks on the door and the boy runs to her, immediately asking when Yugyeom could come over and his mother raises her eyebrows in surprise looking up at Jaebeom who rubs his neck sheepishly.

“Maybe we can figure something out,” Bambam’s mother says, smiling down at her boy. “But right now, we need to pick your brother up from gym, okay?”

Bambam nods and runs to grab his bag but not before hugging Yugyeom when the other boy finally steps away from his brother’s leg and opens his arms. Bambam looks so damn pleased with himself when he cuddles into Yugyeom, slightly smaller than his friend. Bambam’s mother finds it cute, watching as her son grabs his bag.

“Bye, Yugyeom!” Bambam calls as they leave and Yugyeom waves back, taking his bag from his brother. Jaebeom pats his head and smiles at Jinyoung, nodding to the door.

“We’ll see you tomorrow,” he says and Jinyoung nods, bidding them an easy farewell. 

He still has some work to do but for now, he sighs and packs up the classroom. Jackson usually reminds everyone to pack up their toys and though the children are pretty good with it, Jinyoung still has to pack up some of the Lego as well as the pencils.

Wonpil calls him a nagging mother sometimes and as he cleans up the pencils, gathering them in his hand, he thinks that maybe his friend is right.

  
  


***

Jinyoung is at the school outside of work hours which isn’t surprising, given that it’s a Friday but it is surprising when there’s a knock on his office door.

It could just be a teacher wondering if he’s in, since the lights are on so he turns and is greeted by Jihyo, a volunteer teacher aide who honestly has seen better days, given that she’s usually put into the first grade classes to help out.

“Jinyoung-ssi?” she calls softly, sticking her head through the door and Jinyoung sits up straight, giving her his full attention. “So sorry to bother you if you’re busy…”

“No, it’s no trouble,” he smiles, shaking his hand in the air. “What’s up?”

Jihyo grimaces, glancing over her shoulder and she slips into the office, keeping her hands behind her back. “I’ve been on yard duty and um… One of the boys has… gotten into a fight? With the second graders.”

“And you came to me because…?” Jinyoung isn’t a teacher nor is he a supervisor so there’s honestly not much reason for Jihyo to even be speaking with him. They only know each other because Jihyo has done her entire university placement within this very school so Jinyoung helped her get used to the ins and outs of his program should she ever needed to send a child to his classroom.

Jihyo swallows, sighing. “The boy is Kim Yugyeom. He won’t listen to me at all and I can’t get him to sit out. Another teacher is handling him right now but little Bambam told me he’s in your program.”

Jinyoung sighs but stands up, dusting off his hands. “Okay, I’ll try but it’s nothing personal if he doesn’t talk to you. I’ve had no luck with him.”

Jihyo doesn’t seem upset which is good. Jinyoung follows her out to the playgrounds and finds Yugyeom with the biggest scowl on his face that Jinyoung has ever seen him sport. He’s about to call out to him, to grab his attention and he’s unsurprised to find that the second grader that he’s fighting with is Youngjae. But before he can even say anything, Yugyeom spots him and bolts for him, wrapping his tiny hands around Jinyoung’s waist.

Jinyoung blinks down at him, unsure what to say. Youngjae seems surprised too, his eyes blowing wide and Jinyoung realises that he’s not wearing his glasses.

“I need those back,” Youngjae says, pointing at Yugyeom as he scowls. “He took them!”

“Yugyeom,” Jinyoung sighs, patting his shoulder to get him to pull away. “Come on, buddy. Can you give me Youngjae’s glasses?” Yugyeom shakes his head, rubbing his face against Jinyoung’s pants. “Alright, Youngjae, come here. You need to tell me what happened.”

Jihyo dips her head and relieves her replacement teacher to continue supervising. Youngjae trudges over, squinting a little and Jinyoung kneels on the floor, looking between them. 

“I took his ball,” Youngjae says, his eyes trying to focus but failing. “I wanted to play with Jackson-hyung but Yugyeom wouldn’t share it.”

“You know that the first graders have their own equipment,” Jinyoung says, raising his eyebrows and the second grader looks away, sheepish. “And I’m assuming he took your glasses because of that?”

Youngjae sniffs, rubbing his eyes. “Yeah, but now I can’t see. So I need them back.”

Jinyoung turns to Yugyeom, sighing and the little boy stares at him, begging him silently but Jinyoung shakes his head, holding out his hand. “I know you’re upset but Youngjae needs his glasses to see. It’s extremely rude to do that, Yugyeom, so I’m really not happy with you.”

Yugyeom’s eyes well up and he pulls out Youngjae’s glasses from his pocket and shoves them into the second grader’s chest. Youngjae slips them back on and Jinyoung lets him go, telling him to leave the ball alone. Yugyeom stands there, staring at the concrete and Jinyoung pushes his bangs out of his eyes and leans on his legs.

“Do you want to keep playing out here?” he asks softly but Yugyeom shakes his head, screwing his fists up. “Okay. I’m not going to call hyung so don’t worry.”

Yugyeom looks very relieved at that, a few tears finally slipping down his cheeks but he wipes them away, his hair hanging in his eyes. 

“You still want to play?” Jinyoung asks again and Yugyeom nods this time, running off, away from the playground. Jinyoung stands and watches him, just to see where he’ll go and Yugyeom runs to Bambam and Eunwoo who rub his back and hold his hands, back to the first grade playground.

Jihyo holds up her hand to wave to Jinyoung in thanks and he nods to her. He returns to his office, seemingly exhausted just from that encounter. He notes it down because he’ll need to tell Jaebeom considering that Yugyeom has tried to punch Bambam before. 

It’s not uncommon for Jinyoung to keep reports on the children in his care. Jackson has bursted into tears over the smallest things and Changkyun has kicked Wonpil in an attempt to chase after his mother on a really bad day. Keeping reports makes Jinyoung’s heart drop but he has to keep order in his files, even when it comes to little Yugyeom. It seems petty and a little mundane to have to report this but Jinyoung has a habit of over analyzing things and even though it might not be a problem, he still needs to tell Jaebeom.

In the afternoon, Youngjae seems to be avoiding Yugyeom, keeping himself and his glasses far away from the first grader. Yugyeom has noticed, shooting glares at him but thankfully, Bambam is in their care tonight too and is keeping Yugyeom mostly distracted.

Yugyeom is the last to be picked up and there’s no major incidents to report but Jaebeom sighs when Jinyoung tells him of Youngjae’s glasses. 

“You had to talk to him?” he asks, leaning against the doorframe. Yugyeom is purposefully avoiding them, staying on the Lego mats and Jaebeom pinches the bridge of his nose, furrowing his brows. “I’m really sorry, Jinyoung-ssi. He’s… He’s not like this at all but… God, I don't even know.”

Jinyoung can’t be angry and he hasn’t been - there’s no point in being angry about these types of things. “It’s alright,” he answers, crossing his arms. “I try not to hold these things too tightly, I mean, he’s only six. These things simply happen but you do need to know about them.”

Jaebeom drops his hand, glancing at Yugyeom. “But he called for you?” His voice drops into a whisper, like he isn’t quite sure if he should bring this up in front of Yugyeom but the boy does not look up from his Lego. “Specifically?”

“No, Miss Park was on yard duty-”

“Your wife?”

Jinyoung blinks at him, huffing a sudden laugh. “No? She’s a teacher’s aide. I’m not married.” Jaebeom’s eyes fix on Jinyoung’s hand when he shows his ringless finger, but he doesn’t comment. “She came to find me because Yugyeom was ignoring her. I told Mark-ssi that children can do that to carers but he did listen to me.”

“But still not talking to you?”

Jinyoung presses his lips together. “No, unfortunately, but I can’t push him on that. If he won’t speak then trying to force him won’t do anything. It will make him regress further so I won’t risk that and I ask that you don’t either. He’ll open up in his own time.”

Jaebeom huffs a breath and nods, watching Yugyeom. The boy looks up at his brother, wide brown eyes gleaming and he stands up to grab his bag when Jaebeom nods to it. “Thank you, Jinyoung-ssi. I appreciate it. I’ll talk to him, I suppose.”

Before Yugyeom leaves, he hugs Jinyoung quickly but pulls away before anyone can comment. Jaebeom chuckles, eyebrows raised. Jinyoung is surprised but Yugyeom doesn’t give him much time to do anything, slipping his hand into Jaebeom’s and pulling him away from the classroom.

It’s progress, at the very least. Yugyeom still isn’t speaking and he did cause a problem today but hugging Jinyoung is new and a very good sign. Jaebeom mentioned trust and Jinyoung is relieved to see that Yugyeom is starting to show his trust and that’s all he can be grateful for right now.

  
  


***

Jinyoung’s days start to mold together.

It’s one of the cons of living alone. He knows when the weekends are but that’s all he really knows. His alarms are set for weekdays to remind him that he has work in case he gets lost in his errands during the day.

Like right now, he promised the children that he would do something nice for Wonpil’s birthday. In a few days, it will be Bambam's birthday too so it’s a double celebration. Right now, Jinyoung is trying to decide on what to bake for Wonpil’s birthday because on top of taking over his kitchen duties for the morning of his birthday, he said he’d bake something nice.

Jinyoung blinks down at the baking chocolate he’s holding, not processing the words on the packaging. He readjusts his hold on his basket and ends up putting the block of chocolate in without further discussion with himself.

He needs milk and eggs on top of the chocolate so it’s the next isle for him but he stops before he does, suddenly  _ very _ aware of what he’s wearing and who he’s surrounded by. Jinyoung doesn’t care much for his appearance on the weekends because he’s always neat for work but right now, he’s in slides and loose pants. If his slides weren’t bad enough, he’s currently wearing a shirt that he’s had since high school, bleach stains on the hem because one of his sister’s got a hold of it once.

Why is he suddenly aware of this? Because Jinyoung is a minimalist at best but it appears Mark is  _ not _ . It’s a damn grocery store but Mark is standing in the dairy isle like it’s a fucking runway, clad in ripped jeans and Doc martins, a knee length coat and plain shirt. That and there’s silver rings on his fingers and Jinyoung can understand why Jaebeom is dating this guy.

The other man must realise he’s staring like an idiot before he glances at Jinyoung and recognises him, smiling brightly. “Jinyoung-ssi! Do you live around here?”

Jinyoung huffs a laugh, grabbing a carton of eggs when he’s close enough. “Yes, basically around the corner. You’re the same?”

“Yeah, for me. Jaebeomie lives a little further.”

“He’s not with you?”  _ Desperate, much? _

Mark laughs, high pitched and utterly adorable and Jinyoung can’t help but smile. “Yeah, somewhere. I can never keep him close to me. He’s like a cat. Him and Yugyeom… God.”

“Boys are like that, aren’t they?” Jinyoung teases and Mark sighs dramatically, rolling his eyes. Before he can reply, Jaebeom appears at his side, muttering to himself as Yugyeom trails behind him, hand in hand.

“I got the dumpling casings,” Jaebeom says quietly, stopping next to Mark and it’s easy to see how comfortable they are with each other. “but I don’t… Are they the right one- Jinyoung-ssi!” His eyes widen and Jinyoung smiles awkwardly, shifting his basket on his arm. “Sorry, that was really rude of me. How are you?”

“I’m alright,” he answers, laughing. “Busy Saturday for all of us, I suppose.”

Jaebeom chuckles and holds up Yugyeom’s hand in his. Compared to Mark, the two of them are more Jinyoung’s style, Yugyeom still in his pajamas and Jaebeom is in a loose sweater and jeans, his shoes close to falling apart. 

“Yeah, you could say,” Jaebeom grins, patting Yugyeom’s head. “You look nice though. You’ve been tired this week. I could tell.”

Jinyoung blinks at him and Mark laughs, turning away without a word. It’s just a comment - nothing more. He’s not flirting. Jinyoung knows what flirting is and this is not it, it’s just someone caring about another which is understandable because Jinyoung takes care of Jaebeom’s baby brother. Of course he wouldn’t want him to be tired.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung manages, his mouth dry. “Childcare will do that to you but that’s what the weekend is for. Not like I have much room to stop working, though.”

Jaebeom huffs a laugh at that, nodding along. “Yeah, I get you on that. I work as an editor so it doesn’t matter where I am - home or the office. I’ve always got something to work on.”

“But at least you have time for Yugyeom,” Jinyoung adds, smiling down at the boy who’s trying to pull Jaebeom towards the premade cartons of chocolate milk. “Even if he’s not your own, he’s still your kid in a way, right?”

Jaebeom’s eyes are fond when he smiles, gazing at Yugyeom who’s trying his damn hardest to pull a fully grown man by two of his fingers. “Yeah, he’s my kid brother. I guess he’ll never stop being my baby. I grew up as an only child so having Yugyeom at this point in life really makes it seem like he’s my son, rather than my brother.”

“He’s lucky to have you and Mark-ssi,” Jinyoung smiles, swallowing. 

“Yeah,” Jaebeom laughs, breathless. “Mark’s good to me. Almost too good. But don’t you have someone like that? That… Miss Park girl?”

Jinyoung blinks again, stunned. “No, I… I already said we’re not together.”

“But she’s cute, right?” Jaebeom grins, finally letting go of Yugyeom’s hand. “Come on, we’re all guys here. Or is she really just a friend?”

_ What the fuck is he even saying? _ Jinyoung really has no idea what purpose this conversation holds. Does he have to admit he’s single? Or gay? Which one? Single is the safest option but Jaebeom is in a relationship with a man anyways so it wouldn’t be strange to admit it.

“No, it’s… It’s really not like that at all,” he admits, his ears flushing. “I’m, uh… I guess I’m waiting for someone like Mark-ssi to come along for me.”  _ Please don’t make me say it. _

Jaebeom’s eyes widen and for a moment, Jinyoung thinks he’s about to be spat on. But the older man smiles at him, pats his shoulder and looks at him with enough admiration to make Jinyoung’s knees quake. “Hey, that’s fine,” he says, his smile so sweet and beautiful. “I’m sure you’ll find him. I’m sorry if that was hard to admit or awkward. I wasn’t trying to catch you in a lie.”

Jinyoung shakes his head, clutching his basket a little tighter. “It’s all fine,” he says quietly, needing this conversation to be over. “But I’ll leave you to it. Yugyeom has his fingers in a block of cheese.”

Jaebeom blinks, his expression dropping into horror. “Yugyeom! Come on, my God- Bye, Jinyoung-ssi, I’ll see you Monday!” He picks up Yugyeom who glares at him as if he wasn’t just doing the wrong thing and Jaebeom places him on his hip, raising his eyebrows at him. “Why the cheese? Of all things? No, don’t put your fingers in your mouth. Mark!”

“Coming!” Jinyoung hears from the next aisle. He smiles, ducks his head and leaves before he has to watch Jaebeom and Mark play happy family because he knows jealousy is an awful emotion that no one should ever have to feel. 

He has cookies to bake. Jinyoung needs to go home and call Wonpil so he can feel better and forget.

***

Jinyoung and Wonpil have extensive knowledge of what the children are afraid of.

Youngjae will not eat or go near a cucumber at all. They stopped giving out afternoon tea with cucumbers when Youngjae started attending because the presence of it would send him into hysterics no matter the context. Even other children eating it is too much for him.

Bambam is afraid of bugs. It’s a normal fear - Jinyoung doesn’t like them all that much either but Bambam is truly terrified of bugs, especially spiders. Wonpil is usually the one to clean the classroom, to collect the spider webs if they build up and keep the bugs out of the room as best as he can because Bambam will scream and cry even if someone mentions a spider.

Some children aren’t bothered and one of those children is Yugyeom. 

“There’s a spider,” Youngjae says randomly in the afternoon, staring at the whiteboard. “Jinyoung-hyung. There’s a spider.”

Jinyoung looks up from where he’s been with Jooheon, helping him with his homework and he almost swears because it’s a huntsman. “Oh, sh- Uh, okay… Uh, Wonpil? There’s a…”

“A what?” comes his friend’s answer from the playmat. “Spider?”

“Don’t say it!” Jinyoung hisses, glaring over his shoulder. “Why would you-”

“A spider?” comes Bambam’s tiny voice, from the reading corner where Yugyeom is too. “Where?”

“On the whiteboard-” Youngjae says but Jinyoung shushes him. It’s too late because as soon as Bambam sees the spider, he starts screaming. Yugyeom looks surprised and Jinyoung rushes to Bambam and picks him up, hiding him from it.

“Wonpil, can you-” Jinyoung strains but Yugyeom is up and walking towards the whiteboard. Everything is silent, safe for Bambam screaming into Jinyoung’s ear, as Yugyeom reaches up on the whiteboard and stops.

He turns only to grab a sheet of paper from Youngjae, their feud from a few weeks ago forgotten. Yugyeom takes it and flicks the spider onto the floor which freaks Bambam out even more. Jinyoung steps away in utter shock but Yugyeom is calm, the paper slipping underneath the spider.

Wonpil finally gets up to do his job, opening the window and Jinyoung moves so that Bambam doesn’t have to be close to the spider. Yugyeom balances on his tiptoes and Wonpil helps him flick the paper outside the window, getting rid of it. Wonpil closes the window and Bambam whirls his head around from Jinyoung’s shoulder, snotty and tear stained as he stares at Yugyeom.

“It’s gone,” Yugyeom says and Jinyoung gasps, inhaling sharply at the words. “Sorry, Bamie.”

“It’s okay,” Bambam mumbles, his bottom lip wobbling. Jinyoung supposes Yugyeom speaking to him is normal but he’s standing there gaping like a fool.

“Yugyeom?” comes Jaebeom’s voice and Jinyoung turns, still holding onto Bambam, his eyes wide. “What did you do?”

“There was a spider,” he says, as if that explains anything and Jinyoung’s head is reeling. From Bambam’s screams still ringing in his ears to Yugyeom speaking for the first time, he thinks he’s going insane.

“He… He said something,” Jinyoung breathes, staring at Jaebeom who doesn’t look as phased as he should. “That… That’s the first thing he’s ever said. To us.”

Jaebeom sighs, squatting down to meet Yugyeom’s eyes. “There was a spider? What did I say about spiders?”

“It’s my friend,” Yugyeom says bluntly, crossing his arms.

“It’s not everyone’s friend, though,” Jaebeom tells him, pushing his hair out of his face to actually meet Yugyeom’s eyes. “Thank you for getting rid of it but Bambam clearly doesn’t like them.”

“It was fine…” Yugyeom mumbles, looking away. Jinyoung puts Bambam down, letting him recover and Yugyeom mumbles an apology to him, which Bambam accepts with a cuddle, his last sniffles muffled into his friend’s shoulder.

Jaebeom stands up and exhales, his eyes tired but thankfully, everyone returns to their tasks, not much complaint from anyone. Jinyoung stretches his back, suddenly exhausted even though Bambam isn’t heavy at all and Jaebeom laughs at him, his hands on his hips.

“I didn’t think he was a bug kid,” Jinyoung says, to which Jaebeom grimaces. “Or that he would say anything today.”

Jaebeom shakes his head, rocking back on his heels. “Yeah, that must have freaked you out, huh? He talks so much at home but maybe this is a turning point.” Bambam sticks close to Jinyoung, holding him around his leg and Jaebeom smiles at him, soft and gentle. “You like your hyung, don’t you?”

Bambam sniffs, rubbing his face messily. He nods, his eyes still watery but Yugyeom comes back and hugs him again, tucking his face into Bambam’s shoulder. Bambam pats his back, managing a smile from him. Yugyeom pulls away and Jaebeom tucks him into his side, patting his head as he smiles at Jinyoung.

“Sorry,” he says and Jinyoung waves him off. “You’re okay, Bam?” The little boy nods, returning to hold onto Jinyoung’s pants.

“See you, Jaebeom-ssi,” Jinyoung says, patting Bambam’s head before he leans down and picks him up, wiping his cheeks off as he coos at him. “You’re okay?” he asks again and Bambam nods but still lays his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder, tired. Jinyoung would be too if he could scream like that.

“I couldn’t see the spider,” Wonpil says as Jinyoung sits back down in the reading corner with Bambam. He smiles sheepishly and Jinyoung sighs. “Sorry, Nyoung.”

It’s truly fine but Jinyoung can feel a headache coming in. He has to be happy that Yugyeom had the courage to speak today, even though he made his best friend sob over a spider that didn’t even go near him. 

“Can you get me an aspirin?” he asks Wonpil who pouts at him, rubbing his shoulder. He’s going to need to cut the headache off early before it can sit in or he won’t be able to sleep. Bambam cuddles into him as if in apology and Jinyoung can do nothing but rub his back. 

“Oh, you little tiger,” he whispers and Bambam blows a raspberry into his cardigan, earning a soft laugh from him.

  
  


***

Jinyoung startles on Monday morning when Jaebeom speaks to him. He turns around in a whirl and almost punches him so Jaebeom laughs at him, catching his wrist.

“Woah, relax,” he laughs, as Jinyoung shakes from the surprise. “I need to ask you something.”

Yugyeom walks in without a word or a goodbye to Jaebeom. Jaebeom makes an awkward noise, one of emotional pain as he stares at his brother walking to the bag hooks and Jinyoung laughs, breathless and pulls his hand away from Jaebeom’s grasp.

“You wanted to talk?” he breathes and Jaebeom sighs, nodding.

“Should it hurt that much?” he asks, glancing at Yugyeom and Jinyoung chuckles.

“Kids are kids,” he says and Jaebeom sighs again, rubbing his eyes harshly. “Do you want to talk in my office?”

Jaebeom agrees and when they step inside the office, he takes a seat without being asked. Jinyoung sits down slowly, his hands on his thighs and he gestures for Jaebeom talk. The older man crosses his legs like a child sitting on the floor, tucking his feet underneath himself. 

“Could I ask for a daily update on Yugyeom on his behaviour?” he asks, hesitant. “I know I’m asking for a lot but he’s… Mark is a lot softer on Yugyeom than I am and I guess that’s because they’re not related. But Yugyeom has been a little difficult at home too and I don’t know if it’s because of what’s happening at school or what but…”

Jinyoung nods, turning to his computer to start it up. “Yes, I have behaviour documents if you want me to report anything. If you’re worried about him, I can tell you that we’re very strict with behaviour here. We’ve had issues before.”

Jaebeom purses his lips, holding onto his ankles. “Yeah, I can imagine. I just… I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. Yugyeom’s never bad with me but something changed.”

Jinyoung can understand that. “Keep in mind that he’s still young. I’ll keep you updated, just be patient with him. The spider incident wasn’t a big deal since he didn’t torment any of the kids.”

Jaebeom exhales shakily. “Yeah, I know that but… I don’t know. I guess I just… I’m really worried about him and with that whole thing with Youngjae-”

“Ah.” Jinyoung presses his lips together. “I understand. I’ve been keeping him on close watch since then but they haven’t had another run in as of late so I can keep a look out for you.”

Jaebeom offers his hand and Jinyoung shakes it, smiling brightly. “Thank you. Seriously, I don’t know how you do it, Jinyoung-ssi. You’re saving my life here.”

Jinyoung’s ears flush and he turns his head away, hiding how wide his smile will be. “No thanks necessary. I’ll see you tonight.”

There truly are no issues with Yugyeom. He still rarely talks but Jinyoung can hear him whispering on the odd occasion to Bambam. Over the coming weeks, he opens up a little more, trusting his environment. And it’s something that he says randomly, on a Thursday morning that sits with Jinyoung all day.

“Jaebeom-hyung is picking me up,” Yugyeom says to Bambam, when they’re sitting down in the circle for the morning announcements. “So he will take us home.”

“To Jaebeom-hyung’s or Mark-hyung’s?”

Jinyoung blinks. That’s right - Mark and Jaebeom don’t live together. “Yugyeom, have your hyungs ever lived together?”

Yugyeom shrugs. “I don’t know. I live with hyung.”

Wouldn’t it be easier to live together? They’re in a relationship and co-parent a child, too. Jinyoung doesn’t say anything now, since he needs to do the announcements but he can’t help but ask when Jaebeom shows up in the afternoon, needing to clarify.

“Together?” Jaebeom frowns, tilting his head. “Well, it’d be easier but Mark needs his own space. Yugyeom’s still a kid so I wouldn’t want to ruin Mark’s whole bachelor pad vibe in his apartment.”

Jinyoung blinks.

Bachelor.

Bachelor… 

“Bachelor?” Jinyoung echoes, trying to wrap his head around this. Did they break up recently? “Mark… Mark-ssi is single?”

Jaebeom stares at him, lifting an eyebrow. “Why… would he not be?”

“Because you’re dating him?” he answers, as if it’s obvious. “Or did I miss something?”

“I’m-” Jaebeom laughs, sudden. His eyes widen in surprise. “Me dating Mark? No, no… It’s like… He’s my best friend, I couldn’t- That’s not…”

“But… he said partner?” Jinyoung breathes, the two of them staring right at each other.

Jaebeom blinks before he closes his eyes, containing his anger. “That bastard… It’s easier to explain when he does shit like that but no, we’re not dating. He’s done that a few times with me - held off a lot of girls by doing that, the dumbass.”

Jinyoung snorts, crossing his arms. “Oh, because you’re reeling in the ladies?” he jokes, raising an eyebrow. He shouldn’t be joking like this, not when Jaebeom is apparently  _ single _ now but also  _ straight _ . It’s going to hurt more later.

Jaebeom scoffs at him, his grin cocky and Jinyoung swallows. “Yeah, young mothers, man. It’s something about the piercings and the hair that just does it for them, I guess. They keep giving me gluten free cookies.”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “Yeah, Wonpil and I got that treatment. Just accept it and tell them they have cute earrings or something. They’ll eventually stop.”

Jaebeom smirks and Jinyoung’s throat is suddenly dry. “I have a feeling the married ones like you.”

“You’re ridiculous,” he answers, rolling his eyes. “Leave, you’ve been here too long. Yugyeom will end up staying the night here.”

Jaebeom chuckles, gesturing for Yugyeom to get up with his bag. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Jinyoung-ssi.” Yugyeom bids farewell to Bambam, taking Jaebeom’s hand when he offers it and waves goodbye to Jinyoung. 

“Did you know that Mark and Jaebeom aren’t dating?” he asks when the kids have left and Wonpil is wiping down the desks. 

His friend furrows his brows, glancing at Jinyoung. “Well, no. But I didn’t assume they were until you said Mark booked in his partner’s kid. I thought it was just co parenting and when you said Jaebeom was Yugyeom’s brother, I just figured they both raised him.”

“That’s what I was hoping for but…” Jinyoung frowns, confused. “I saw them down the street, right.”

“Right.”

“And I… Jaebeom-ssi kept insisting that Jihyo and I were an item. I wanted to shut it down completely so I said I was waiting for someone like Mark-ssi to come along for me. As in, their relationship. And he agreed with me? Was I too vague?”

Wonpil pulls a face, standing up straight. “Maybe he’s just dense? I mean, is your gaydar off?” Jinyoung chokes on a sudden laugh, staring at his coworker in shock. “Was it something I said? Oh, am I not allowed to say that?”

“No, that’s-” Jinyoung snorts, completely floored. “I can’t believe you just said that to me. But yeah, I guess… I’m off my game. To be fair, Mark-ssi didn’t exactly help by saying that Yugyeom was his partner’s boy. I don’t know.”

Wonpil sighs and pats Jinyoung’s shoulder. “I know you like men that are bad for you-”

“That was  _ one  _ time.”

“And I love you, Jinyoungie. But you need to be careful. Sure, you thought he was gay but he was also taken. I know you won’t do anything but you need to be careful. Need I remind you that he’s straight?”

Jinyoung offers a small smile and he knows he’s right. “I’m not going to do anything. You know that’s not me. I’ll get over it. He’s just really hot.”

Wonpil raises his brows, blinking at him. “I didn’t think you’d be into piercings. Jaebeom’s not really fitting into your whole boy next door vibe.”

Jinyoung shoves him in the shoulder, rolling his eyes. “Shut up. Go home already, I have things to do.”

Wonpil pulls him in, shoving his cheek against Jinyoung’s as he smiles brightly. Jinyoung sighs but lets him, holding him around his waist as he’s snuggled into. This is what he gets for being best friends with Wonpil. Stellar advice and a reality check when he needs it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baby yugbam softs and some domestic platonic markbeom to confuse jinyoung <3


	3. three

Jinyoung should have pieced together that he and Jaebeom live close together when he first saw him and Yugyeom in the grocery store. 

Mark did say that Jaebeom lived a little further away but Jinyoung didn’t really file that away into the important information file in his brain since he was more focused on seeing Mark in his local shopping centre. Even now, he’s shopping on his usual Saturday for groceries because if he doesn’t, he’ll starve for the week. The last thing on his mind is his job.

But when he finds Jaebeom again, he shouldn’t be surprised. But what confuses him is that he finds Yugyeom before he finds Jaebeom. There’s no build up, no loud screaming that alerts anyone else. Just a boy on the floor of a grocery store, alone. 

“Yugyeom?” he calls, walking down the sweets aisle, confused at why he’s on the floor before he realises that Yugyeom is  _ crying.  _ He’s hiccuping quietly into his knees, shaking his head at Jinyoung’s voice as he turns away from him. “What are you doing here?”

Yugyeom looks up at his voice when he realises who it is, his eyes teary and his cheeks red. He scrambles to stand up and Jinyoung kneels down, catching him when he runs full force at him, wrapping his arms around his neck. Jinyoung grunts at the impact but doesn’t fall, thankfully, pulling Yugyeom into his chest.

“Okay,” he breathes, standing up and holding Yugyeom close to him. He’s a lot lighter than Jinyoung expected but that makes it easier to lift him. “What’s wrong, Yugyeom?”

Yugyeom doesn’t reply at all, just cries into his shoulder but even his sobs are as quiet as possible. It’s like he’s trying to halt his crying to not upset Jinyoung, as if he would be upset by a child crying. 

Jinyoung pats his head, running his fingers through his long hair in attempts to soothe him. “Hey, come on, it’s alright. I’ve got you. Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

“Hyung and my mother are fighting,” Yugyeom whispers, clutching Jinyoung’s jacket in his hand, as tight as he possibly can. “I don’t want to listen to the fighting.”

Jinyoung pulls back to look at him, pursing his lips in a makeshift pout. “They shouldn’t be fighting in front of you. But you shouldn’t run away from them. Is hyung with you?” Yugyeom nods, pouting as he rubs his eyes free of tears. “He’s probably looking for you then, buddy.”

Yugyeom nods again, trying not to be difficult but Jinyoung knows he’s uncomfortable. He doesn’t say anything, just hides himself in Jinyoung’s shoulder again. He doesn’t doubt that Jaebeom holds him like this so it must be a comfort for the little boy. Jinyoung rubs his back, tutting at him a little but Yugyeom doesn’t budge from his grip.

“What are you shopping for, Yugyeom?” he asks, standing on his side so Yugyeom can look at the aisles. “Or are you not supposed to be here?”

Yugyeom pulls away to look at the shelves, his bottom lip pulled into a pout. “Mark-hyung buys the sweets…”

Jinyoung grins at him, hiking him further up his knee. “He spoils you, doesn’t he?” 

Yugyeom nods shyly but a smile crosses his lips finally. Jinyoung is very glad to see it since a crying Yugyeom is still very foreign to him and there’s a sigh that makes Jinyoung turn around completely.

Jaebeom has been clearly worried, his cheeks a little red with his hands on his hips and he nods to Jinyoung who’s still holding Yugyeom tightly. “Yugyeom,” he calls but Yugyeom doesn’t look at him, his tiny brows furrowing. “You can’t run away from me, kiddo, especially not in a store. I couldn’t find you.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” he snaps, holding Jinyoung tightly around his neck. Jinyoung glances at Jaebeom and isn’t surprised to find him hurt. “Leave me alone! I don’t want to talk to you!”

Jaebeom looks completely defeated so Jinyoung turns with Yugyeom, gesturing for Jaebeom to follow him into the next aisle which is full of toys. “Talk to me, Yugyeom,” he says, shifting the boy on his hip to look at him properly. “What’s going on? You don’t want them to fight over you?”

Jaebeom looks like he wants to speak but he keeps quiet, shoving his hands into his pockets. Yugyeom stares at Jinyoung, blinking a few times before he pouts again. “I don’t want to live with mom,” he confesses, small and Jinyoung smiles at him, reassuringly.

“Jaebeom-hyung’s your guardian, isn’t he?”

Yugyeom nods. “But he’s fighting and I don’t want to go back.” 

Jaebeom sniffs, rubbing his face and Jinyoung looking at him. “She… Can we go somewhere, actually?”

Jinyoung agrees. This isn’t the best place to have this conversation but Jinyoung doesn’t put Yugyeom down at all, keeping him close and shifting him on his hips to take things from Jaebeom and hold a few of their bags when they have to check out their things.

There’s a playground and skatepark around the corner so Jinyoung puts Yugyeom down and he can run off and play, greeting some of the mothers that are watching their kids. Jaebeom collapses into the bench, hanging his head back and Jinyoung sits next to him, crossing his legs quickly.

“Okay, start talking,” Jinyoung says, raising his eyebrows at him. “I’m not your brother’s caretaker right now. I’m just a man your age who has experience with kids and even more experience with nagging parents, okay? So what’s the problem because nothing makes Yugyeom this upset unless it’s family.”

“You know him really well,” Jaebeom laughs, sitting up straight. “But uh… It’s complicated. Yugyeom and I share the same mother but when he was four, I took custody of him because my mother couldn’t take care of Yugyeom. At the time, I was just finishing up college and looking for a place to live and I… I didn’t think it through and I just took him in. Mark gave me a place to stay while I got a job. But I guess… My mother decided she can take care of him again.”

“And you won’t let her?” Jinyoung guesses, leaning back into the bench as he watches Yugyeom climb up a small rock wall, lifting himself up next to another child. 

Jaebeom nods, scratching his nose. “I was on the phone with her and Yugyeom ran from me. I guess I’ve been pissing him off this whole time and I was too selfish to notice.”

“Legally, she can’t take him away.”

“I’m never letting her take him from me,” Jaebeom says quietly, almost a growl and Jinyoung nods. “She… She raised me fine but Yugyeom was an afterthought to her. This whole time, she’s been seeing him for his birthday and for Christmas but it’s never a constant. I can never prepare when she comes and Yugyeom… He struggles when he sees her.”

Jinyoung can’t imagine what that’s like but for Yugyeom, who already has struggled somewhat just with school. “You shouldn’t fight in front of kids,” he says quietly even though Jaebeom has probably guessed that already. “They know more than they let on. But if Yugyeom doesn’t want to go and you have custody, it would be extremely difficult for your mother to take him back.”

Things like this happen. Life isn’t easy and Jaebeom clearly knows that. But Jinyoung will let him rant if that’s his outlet. No one knows how to prepare for these things and sometimes, preparing isn’t even enough. Kids are a whirlwind no matter who you are.

“I don’t want to lose him,” Jaebeom admits, sounding defeated.

“You’re being dramatic,” Jinyoung tells him because he needs someone to tell him straight and Jaebeom reels back. “Excuse my attitude.”

But Jaebeom shakes his head. “No, go on.”

“It takes a lot more than simply taking a kid from someone.” Jinyoung has seen a lot from the parents in his time. “But you won’t let him go and you need to let Yugyeom know that. He loves you, Jaebeom-ssi.”

For a while, Jaebeom doesn’t respond. He sits in the silence, staring ahead before he sighs, hanging his head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be doing this to you. It’s not your job. I shouldn’t have… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Jinyoung says quickly, meeting his eyes. “Jaebeom-ssi, you’re struggling. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m just sorry we couldn’t meet under better circumstances.”

Jaebeom pushes his tongue against his lip ring for something to do before he nods, sighing. “Yeah, good point. But thank you for listening. I’ll keep you updated since it sort of concerns you too.”

Jinyoung stands up, taking the bags that are his and Jaebeom smiles at him, his eyes sunken in and tired. “Get some sleep, Jaebeom-ssi,” he says, smiling softly. “You deserve it, okay? Take a nap.”

Jaebeom huffs a laugh, nodding simply. “You know, I think we could be really good friends,” he says quietly and Jinyoung can agree. Unlikely friends, but friends nonetheless.

“Who says we can’t be friends now?” Jinyoung knows he’s going to be hurting himself in the long run but Jaebeom smiles and it makes his heart warm. His eyes sparkle, much like they do when he looks at Yugyeom and Jinyoung can’t help but feel butterflies, fluttering in his stomach.

“I’d like that,” Jaebeom says, offering his hand and Jinyoung takes it, pressing his lips together to contain a smile. He pulls away before he loses his mind and calls to Yugyeom, waving at him and the little boy waves from the top of the slide before he slides down, running at Jinyoung to hug him goodbye.

“Be good for your hyung, okay?” he whispers and Yugyeom nods, gazing up at him. “Make sure he takes a nap. If you go to sleep, he goes to sleep. Can you promise me that?”

Yugyeom squeezes him and nods, determined and Jinyoung pats his head, telling him to run to Jaebeom. The older man meets Yugyeom at the bench and smiles at him, raking the boy’s hair out of his face and Yugyeom does the same for his hyung, as if to make fun of him.

Jinyoung walks away before he can start daydreaming, shutting everything down without giving it a chance to build up.

  
  


***

  
  


It’s close to six o’clock on a Thursday 

Jaebeom isn’t here. 

There’s a storm outside, raging against the windows like a howling banshee. Every now and then there’s a flash of lightning and all the kids have already left. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem. Jinyoung isn’t afraid of lightning though the windows shaking from the rain makes him anxious. The worst of the storm usually hits later at night when Jinyoung is alone. 

But Yugyeom is still here and sometimes the lights flicker and it makes the little boy shiver. He’s been in the reading corner for the better half of the afternoon and it calms him down but the storm is unforgiving and Jinyoung can tell Yugyeom isn’t doing well. He’s being so brave and Jinyoung is proud of him but there’s only so much a six year old can take and he can tell it’s getting to him.

“Yugyeom,” Jinyoung calls and when the boy looks up, the light dim and flicker. It makes him gasp and hide his face again and Jinyoung sits close to him, pulling him into his side in the reading corner. Yugyeom cowers into him, holding onto his shirt like he did in the grocery store. 

Jinyoung knows what to do but it’s hard when he didn’t know Yugyeom was afraid of storms beforehand. It’s even hard to rectify a situation like a storm when he can’t control the weather. But still, he holds Yugyeom close to let him know he’s there and whispers, “Come on, buddy, it’s okay. I promise. I’m here with you, yeah?”

“Hyung is here at f-five,” Yugyeom whispers. He moves suddenly when there’s a clap of thunder and wraps his arms around Jinyoung’s middle, squeezing him tightly as he screws up his face. “He’s s-supposed to be here!”

“I know,” Jinyoung breathes, holding his head close to his chest. “I’ve got you, okay? Jaebeom-hyung is just running a little late.”

“He always gets me at five,” Yugyeom whines, his breath catching on a sob. Jinyoung shushes him, running his fingers through his hair for a moment before he looks around.

“Can you come with me to the other room?” he asks in a low voice, hoping for calm but Yugyeom shakes his head quickly, not wanting him to go. “I’ll be with you, okay? I’m going to call your hyung.”

Yugyeom clenches his fists around Jinyoung’s sweater but pulls his face away, looking up at him. Jinyoung suddenly understands why Jaebeom works so hard with Yugyeom; it’s not like Jinyoung doesn’t but Jaebeom loves this boy as if he was his own and that’s enough for Jinyoung. Enough for Jinyoung to fight for him too.

He stands up and Yugyeom stays close to him, just like he does with Jaebeom. He holds onto Jinyoung’s pants and sweater, trailing him close and Jinyoung pulls out the records in the office, flipping to Yugyeom’s file and punches Jaebeom's phone number into the telephone on the wall. He holds Yugyeom close, his hand on his back and Yugyeom hides in his side when the storm doesn’t let up at all. There’s not as many windows in his office so Yugyeom doesn’t shake as much.

Jaebeom’s voice comes through on the fourth ring, his voice through the car speakers.  _ “Hey, Jinyoung-ssi, I’m so sorry- I got let out late-” _

“It’s okay,” Jinyoung interrupts because he really doesn’t need him to apologise. Shit happens. “I’m just calling to make sure you’re on your way… Did you know Yugyeom is afraid of storms?”

Jaebeom’s silence is telling but Jinyoung cannot judge him.  _ “I mean… Sometimes he sleeps with me during the night if there’s a storm but I didn’t think that much of it.” _

Jinyoung sighs, soothing the back of Yugyeom’s head as the boy holds onto him tightly. “I’ll speak with you when you get here, then. How far away are you?”

_ “Ten, maybe fifteen minutes. Is that okay? I can speed up-” _

“No, Jaeb-” Jinyoung can’t help but laugh, shaking his head at the absurdity. “Please don’t rush. I’ll be here for a while, anyways. I’ll see you soon?”

Jaebeom sighs, cleaning irritated with himself.  _ “Yeah, thank you. Jinyoung-ssi, seriously. Thank you so much.” _

“Thank me when you get here,” he answers, a smile in his voice and hangs up the phone. Yugyeom doesn’t move from his side so Jinyoung asks him to sit down with him at the table in the kitchen. If Yugyeom is replying to him, Jinyoung can start talking.

“He’ll be here in fifteen minutes, okay?” he starts, leaving his voice open and inviting and Yugyeom nods quickly, glancing around the room at all the drawings and posters. It’s from years of kids coming through Jinyoung’s service, a few from Jackson and a  _ lot _ from Youngjae and it must bring a bit of comfort because Yugyeom starts to relax his shoulders a little.

“Do you want to draw something with me?” Jinyoung asks, shifting his seat over as he grabs at his own materials, pens and pencils, a few crayons as well. Yugyeom stares at them while Jinyoung leans back to the side benches (against the four legs of the chair on the floor rule) and grabs a sheet of paper. “What should we draw? Maybe something for hyung?”

Yugyeom slowly takes a green crayon, staring at it in his tiny fist and Jinyoung takes a purple pencil, waiting for his instruction. “I want…” He hesitates, grabbing another crayon (it’s blue) and holds them in both his hands, looking between them. “I don’t know how to spell his name.”

Jinyoung smiles - that he can work with. He writes  _ Jaebeom _ in Korean and in romanisation, letting Yugyeom read it and he tries to copy the words in his shaky grasp on the crayons, awkward but he succeeds, his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he does so. Jinyoung absentmindedly draws a butterfly in the corner of the paper while Yugyeom works, smiling when the boy leans back and shows him his work.

“It’s good,” Jinyoung praises and Yugyeom smiles, proud. “Your handwriting will get better in no time. I’m sure hyung will love it, yeah?”

“He likes skulls,” Yugyeom answers bluntly. “He likes coffee and skulls. But I don’t like coffee.”

“Adults like coffee,” Jinyoung offers but Yugyeom shakes his head, eyes on the page as he attempts to draw a skull.

“Adults aren’t always right.”

Jinyoung can’t argue with that at all. Yugyeom seems to be okay but the storm is still ongoing and there’s a gust of wind that runs through the building, making the room squeal and Yugyeom almost throws the crayon at the wall, slamming his hands over his ears to block it out. The lights don’t flicker thankfully but Jinyoung still glances around to make sure, waiting for the sounds to die down again. He just has to be grateful that Yugyeom isn’t crying anymore.

The boy peaks one eye open after a few moments, looking at him and Jinyoung smiles, motioning for his hands to come down and Yugyeom does so, cautious. He drops his hands down and he grabs the green crayon again, furiously scribbling something that ends up looking like a flower.

Jinyoung stands up just to check if the classroom door is unlocked, Yugyeom’s eyes on him to make sure he won’t leave. He won’t but in the time he turns back to Yugyeom, the door opens and the boy sprints out, even though Jinyoung tries to stop him. There’s no running inside even if you’re Jackson but Yugyeom bolts.

“Yugyeom, he’s not-” Jinyoung stops when Jaebeom catches Yugyeom in the doorway of the classroom7 and kneels down, holding him tightly against his chest. He’s drenched from the rain, his long hair dripping all over Yugyeom as well as his jacket but Yugyeom doesn’t seem to care at all.

“Hey, come on, kid,” Jaebeom whispers into his hair, patting his back softly. “I’m here. I’m sorry I’m late. I’ll make it up to you, yeah? Anything you want. I’ll take the weekend off and we can spend it with Mark-hyung?”

“Okay,” Yugyeom answers, nodding along and Jaebeom stands up, with Yugyeom in his arms and Jinyoung blinks at him, surprised in that motion. No, he will not think about that. He’s seen Jaebeom pick Yugyeom up effortlessly that many times. 

Yugyeom wraps his arms around Jaebeom’s neck and the older man sighs, holding him with both arms and he smiles at Jinyoung, his eyes tired but alight now that he has Yugyeom. 

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly even though Jinyoung shakes his hands to try and stop him. “No, seriously, I am. The weather is awful and I got caught in the storm so I’m…” He gestures to the entirety of his soaked clothes, offering an awkward smile that Jinyoung shamelessly falls for all over again. “I’m drenched.”

“I can see that,” Jinyoung answers, crossing his arms. He nods to Yugyeom who’s gone quiet in Jaebeom’s arms. “He’s been good. Really brave, actually. And he drew something for you.” He gestures for Jaebeom to come inside even though he’ll get everything wet but it’s not as if Jinyoung doesn’t have to mop the kitchen later. 

Jaebeom chuckles when he reads the paper, showing Yugyeom when the boy looks down at it. “For me?” he asks and Yugyeom nods, smiling a little. “Did Jinyoung-hyung help you with my name?”

Yugyeom touches the page in the corner, on Jinyoung’s little drawing. “And the butterfly.”

Jinyoung huffs a laugh and avoids the instinct to hide it. He bites his lip to keep himself from smiling too much but Jaebeom grins at him, pure and suddenly Jinyoung isn’t afraid to smile anymore.

“How far is your car?” Jaebeom asks suddenly, pocketing the drawing carefully to not get it wet. “I’ll walk you. The rain is awful.”

Jinyoung blinks at him and because his brain is slow and stupid and just slightly gay, he doesn’t piece together the question for a while, staring stupidly at Jaebeom who shifts awkwardly. Jinyoung’s brain finally catches up and he stutters, shaking his head. “You don’t- Uh, it’s not far so you don’t have to- to walk me. I’m…”

“I don’t have to,” Jaebeom agrees, smiling softly. “But I want to, so you should let me because it’s thanks for looking after my brother.”

Jinyoung balks. “It’s my job?” 

“Yeah, and it’s time for me to pay you back.”

Jinyoung sighs because that’s all he can do. He shrugs and nods, asking for some time to lock up and Jaebeom agrees, sitting down in the main room with Yugyeom in his lap, the drawing back in front of him. Jaebeom has a few pens on him, ones that look way too expensive for a child but Yugyeom grips it with enough force to break it, scribbling on the page.

Jinyoung takes a moment to calm himself down in the office, finally alone with his thoughts. It’s easy to lose himself in mundane office work, putting the records and name rolls away into the filing cabinets like he does every single day but it’s even easier to lose himself in the thought of Jaebeom and all his piercings. 

Three months ago, Jaebeom walked in with Yugyeom crying in his arms, looking close to tears himself and asked Jinyoung who he was. Jinyoung introduced himself and Jaebeom didn’t hesitate to tell him that he needed help with Yugyeom to take care of him and Yugyeom had begrudgingly let go of him and sat in the corner of the room even when Bambam poked him and whined when he wouldn’t play.

Now, he steps out of the dark office and locks the door, turning to Jaebeom who smiles at him, a new nose ring glinting in the low light as well as a labret ring in the centre of his lip. “Ready to go?” he asks, as if he’s driving Jinyoung home. Jinyoung would have had a mental breakdown in the office if that’s what was going to happen.

But he nods, jiggling his keys for something to do. Yugyeom slips the drawing back into Jaebeom’s pocket before he takes his hand and Jaebeom smiles down at him. 

“Did you have fun with Jinyoung-ssi today?” he asks but Jinyoung shakes his hand, waving him off.

“Jinyoung is fine,” he answers Jaebeom’s furrowed brows. “If Jaebeom-hyung is fine?”

“More than fine,” the older man grins. “Was hoping you’d say something. The rain’s not as heavy now so we should be fine but I still want to walk you.”

Jinyoung nods, taking his umbrella from the foyer of the building and putting it up once they step out. Jaebeom has Yugyeom’s school bag on his shoulders while his little brother holds his hand and tries to get wet in the rain. Jaebeom holds him close and picks him up when he won’t stop squirming, grunting as he does.

“God, you’re gonna be big,” he says in a rush, huffing when Yugyeom is balanced on his hip. “I won’t be able to do this soon. You know I hurt my back a while ago.”

Yugyeom doesn’t reply, not phased by anything and Jinyoung holds the umbrella over all three of them, gesturing to the car park. Jaebeom moves to take the umbrella but Jinyoung shakes his head. 

“You’re parked next to me.” he points to the two lonesome cars sitting idle in the rain and Jaebeom laughs, his breath coming out in a cloud of white. “I’ll stay with you to put Yugyeom in so you don’t get wet.”

Jaebeom looks like he wants to argue but lets it go because he’s probably figured out by now that no one argues with Jinyoung and gets away with it. Jinyoung keeps him dry as he puts Yugyeom in the backseat of his car, putting his seatbelt on and even putting a blanket over him. “It’s cold, Gyeom,” he whispers when Yugyeom fights it. He eventually gives up and slumps into the car seat.

“You get in,” Jaebeom tells Jinyoung, taking the umbrella from him. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Jinyoung hums, looking at him with a raised brow. “Don’t be late this time. Not that I don’t love hanging out with Yugyeom, but-”

Jaebeom chuckles, handing him the umbrella again. “I won’t be late, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung shouldn’t like the sound of his name coming from someone else. Jaebeom has been saying his name this whole time, ever since they met but without the formalities, it makes him shiver. The rain isn’t helping but it’s Jaebeom that’s making him go insane.

“Don’t make promises because I hate promises,” Jinyoung says, in hopes that being a little harsh will make his heart stop tricking himself. “No, I don’t like it when people make promises they can’t keep.”

“Then I promise to call you beforehand if I’m ever late,” Jaebeom replies, lifting an eyebrow in mock challenge.

“I’ll hold you to it,” he says and Jaebeom smiles, glancing at his car door. Jinyoung does too and laughs dryly, meeting Jaebeom’s eyes again. “You should go.”

“Yeah,” Jaebeom says, a little breathlessly. “Thank you for today. Seriously.”

Jinyoung nods, unable to reply and he swings himself into his car, shutting the door when Jaebeom is out of the way. He stands there with the umbrella that is Jinyoung’s so he snorts and shakes his head at Jaebeom’s silent question of whether to give it back. “Keep it!” he says, the only sound in his car being the hit of rain against his windshield.

Jaebeom grins and returns to his car, shaking the umbrella out. Jinyoung turns on his car when Jaebeom does and follows him out of the car park, going their separate ways to return home. Jinyoung keeps the radio off so his thoughts can run wild which is a mistake, he knows, but he still does it.

Maybe he’ll convince his heart to be quiet but he knows he won’t. He’s a romanticist and it’s killing him.

***

A habit that Jinyoung picked up in college was going to his favourite cafe just to read. At first, it was a way for him to study while focusing on the outside world since his space at home would cramp him up and make his studying feel pointless.

He kept the habit throughout his life and right now, on a cloudy Wednesday, he sits down in a local cafe that’s a few blocks from his apartment, crossing his legs as he pulls out his new book, one of poetry by various authors, all signed under the same publishing company.

Some are romantic, some are angsty and Jinyoung notes his favourites into a small notebook, highlighting his favourite lines. There’s a few words he needs to look up and he notices that a specific chapter in the book is in English so his knowledge of the language is being pushed.

But Jinyoung makes good progress, enjoying his time in the cafe that he has to himself. It’s the middle of the week and he worked a morning shift so it’s good to have winddown time before he returns to the school for the afternoon.

He’s by the window, in his usual spot with the sun streaming in. It’s peaceful, comfortable for him in his little corner and Jinyoung sips his coffee, scanning the pages slowly to let the words really sink in.

There’s a tap on the window that Jinyoung ignores because he just saw children walking past. It’s not uncommon for his attention to be elsewhere, especially outside. But he looks up on the second tap and startles, finding Jaebeom grinning at him with bright eyes. He waves and Jinyoung smiles at him, lifting his hand to wave.

Jaebeom’s eyes widen and he gestures to the door of the cafe, stepping through before he sits opposite Jinyoung and folds his arms. “Hey, nice to see you,” he greets warmly.

Jinyoung has no idea what to do. He just ducks his head politely before meeting Jaebeom’s eyes again. “Why are you here?”

Jaebeom scratches his cheek, quickly asking a waitress for a coffee and she nods, returning to the front to start preparing. “Well, Yugyeom’s in school and Mark is busy. It’s my first day off in a long time but I don’t work the weekends.”

Jinyoung has never asked Jaebeom what his job is though they did speak about it when Jinyoung saw them in the grocery store. Jaebeom mentioned it but it seems more interesting than a simple mention. He asks now and Jaebeom smiles, pleased to be talking about his job. “I’m an editor! I said before but yeah, I edit novels and poems.”

It can’t be but Jinyoung checks the back of his book since there seems to be a lot of coincidences between them. Jaebeom’s name is not listed but he does reach over and take the book from Jinyoung, scanning the cover.

“Not one of mine,” he confirms, handing it back to Jinyoung who laughs at him.

“And I should be gracious to have you in my presence, mister celebrity.”

“Hey, hey, nothing like that.”

“Then should I treat you as an equal?”

Jaebeom licks his lips before smiling again, smug. The waitress drops off his coffee and Jinyoung feels warm when he thanks her kindly. He’s always had a thing for guys with good manners. “Yes, please. Aren’t we friends?”

“We are,” Jinyoung answers carefully, lifting an eyebrow. “But how are we friends if I don’t even have your number?”

Jinyoung’s pushing his luck but the panic doesn’t set into his gut since Jaebeom crosses his legs and leans back in his chair, gesturing haphazardly for Jinyoung’s phone. “Then give me your phone and let’s make it official.”

“Give me yours then,” Jinyoung answers, holding out his hand. Jaebeom does and when he gets his phone back, the older man has saved his own contact as  _ JB HYUNG _ that Jinyoung chuckles at. He saved himself as  _ Park Jinyoung (School) _ in Jaebeom’s phone but the older man shakes his head, changing the name already.

“There,” he announces, showing his phone and the now updated name of  _ Jinyoung _ with a rain cloud. Of course Jaebeom would be the type to use emojis. That’s so fucking cute. 

_ Relax _ , he tells himself before he pockets his phone and sighs. 

“I’ll be sure to text you,” Jaebeom says, making Jinyoung’s stomach churn. When he moves his head, the ponytail on top of his head shifts and he tucks the hair that doesn’t make it into the ponytail behind his ears. “I like texting more than calling. That’s why Mark called you for Yugyeom.” 

Jinyoung isn’t surprised by that and there’s a flush on Jaebeom’s cheeks that he’s quickly falling for. Jaebeom doesn’t seem overly shy but him being quiet at home and with Mark adds up to a more introverted look for him. “Then you had better text me,” he says, raising his coffee to his lips to hide his smile but Jaebeom grins like a fool, the ring in his lip  _ right there _ and Jinyoung looks away so that he doesn’t think about what it would be like to kiss him.

That’s the thing about being Jinyoung. He falls for the romance of it, the fairy tale where everything is perfect. When it comes to relationships, he’s the logical one but he can’t deny the fantasy that he can build up around perfect strangers because that’s what they are - strangers.

But that’s the thing about knowing someone too. Jaebeom and Jinyoung are barely friends but because he is the way he is, he can’t help the way that he feels. It apparently doesn’t matter that Jaebeom is straight and Jinyoung won’t do anything, to be fair. He won’t force anything onto Jaebeom because even though his feelings are  _ there  _ in his gut, Jaebeom’s feelings are to be respected as well.

For now, Jinyoung will ride his feelings until he inevitably crashes. 

“What are you doing out here?” Jinyoung asks because if he thinks more about this, he’s going to go insane. 

Jaebeom sips his coffee, looking up at Jinyoung with a small smile. “The library is down the road. I wanted to get a few books to read since all I buy these days are books for Yugyeom. There’s only so many bedtime stories that I can read to him before I get sick of it.”

Jinyoung can agree with that. Changkyun made him read the same book for six weeks straight at the start of the year and it drove him insane. He still did it because it’s Changkyun but Bambam has now started doing that to Jinyoung so he can relate to Jaebeom’s struggle.

“At least he likes to read,” he says, hopeful and Jaebeom agrees. “Jackson used to hate it when I read to him. But I can help you look for something, if you’d like.”

Jaebeom smiles, pushing his shoulders up as he leans on the table. He looks cute, his jewelry mismatched in his ears and he pushes his tongue against his lip, a habit that Jinyoung has noticed he does a lot. “Do you read a lot?” he asks, looking down at Jinyoung’s book.

Jinyoung nods, smiling softly. Reading is a comfort, a way to hide away and escape. “I’ve always liked reading. It’s only natural when I read to the kids, too.” Jaebeom hums and when he nods his head, his earrings dangle prettily. 

Jinyoung watches him for a second before he blurts, “Does it hurt? When you get the piercings?”

Jaebeom raises his eyebrows in surprise before he huffs a laugh. “Not in my ears. My nose hurt a little while it was healing. My lip was a little weird because it’s in my mouth. It’s really important to keep oral piercings clean, so it was kind of a pain in the ass to keep cleaning it after eating.”

Jinyoung could never and he tells Jaebeom as much, grimacing. “They really suit you,” he defends in case Jaebeom takes it wrongly. “But not for me. My ears are too big… And jewelry doesn’t suit me.”

Jaebeom seems to understand, though. “You’re naturally handsome, though. If you dyed your hair an unnatural colour, it might not suit you either.”

“I’m sure you’re too familiar with dyeing your hair,” Jinyoung retorts, snorting and Jaebeom takes the jab with a chuckle, rolling his eyes. “But your hair looks nice now.”

“I have a feeling you’d never have it this long,” Jaebeom says and he’s dead right. Jinyoung botched his haircut but he’d much rather his hair short than Jaebeom’s shoulder length hair. It must be a pain to maintain it.

It doesn’t take long for them to part ways with the cafe, Jinyoung’s book tucked under his arm as Jaebeom leads the way to the library even though Jinyoung knows exactly where it is. It was one of the first locations he memorised when he moved to this city.

“What books do you like?” Jinyoung asks when they’re in the isles of the library. He’s scanning the shelves because maybe he’ll find something new to indulge himself in.

Jaebeom smiles to himself, his eyes stuck on the shelves. “I like romance… Poetry and philosophy, too. I like deeper meanings, I guess. It’s cheesy, I know. You don’t have to laugh.”

“It’s sweet,” Jinyoung smiles, surprised at the answer and Jaebeom flushes, ducking his head to his chest as he turns away. “Do you have any favourite authors?”

Jaebeom sniffs, rubbing his nose for something to do and he tucks his hair behind his ears. “Well, I sort of read anything that catches my eye. If it sounds good then I’ll pick it up.”

Jinyoung can work with that. By the end of it, he’s managed to find three books that seem like Jaebeom would be interested and he hands them to the older man to inspect, his eyes scanning the back of the novels.

Jaebeom takes in the books and smiles at one, holding it up. “This one sounds good. Sometimes male authors really miss the mark with romance.”

“Does it matter if the love interest isn’t a woman?”

“No, I don’t mind.”

Jinyoung might have a few suggestions for a later time, then. Jaebeom decides to take two of the three books that Jinyoung suggests, putting the remaining one back. Jinyoung waits for him outside since he’s not borrowing and Jaebeom grins at him when he steps outside.

“Thanks for coming with me,” the older man says and it’s really no problem; it wasn’t like he was doing anything important. “I didn’t mean to take up your time.”

It’s nice to spend time with someone, especially when they share the same hobby of reading. Jinyoung doesn’t mind it even if Jaebeom only got his number today. “Maybe we can do it again sometime.”

“You’ve got my number,” Jaebeom teases, tucking his books underneath his arm. “If you’ve got a suggestion, then I’ll check it out. How about that?”

Jinyoung would like that and he tells Jaebeom as much. But he should get back, since he still has work in the afternoon. Jaebeom waves him off, thanking him again and wishes him luck.

“I guess I’ll see you tonight?” he says with a grin, raising an eyebrow.

Jinyoung chuckles, waving at him. “Don’t be late.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed ! this is a little bit of a filler chapter but more baby yugyeom <33


	4. four

_JB HYUNG_ _[13:09]_

are you busy

oh shit ur probably at work my b

  
  


Jinyoung glances at his phone, furrowing his brows before he sees the contact name. He ends up smiling as he types and that’s evidence enough that he’s in too deep. Nothing wrong with that, as long as he doesn’t acknowledge it.

  
  


_ Park Jinyoung [13:10] _

No I’m not at work.

I will be in an hour

What’s up?

_ JB HYUNG [13:11] _

i just wanted to talk lol

realised i don't rly know much about you

o shit do u want me to type properly

i make a fuck ton of typos

  
  


Jinyoung snorts. He doesn’t mind and he won’t force Jaebeom to change for him.

  
  


_ Park Jinyoung [13:13] _

No don’t worry

Wonpil texts like you sometimes

But what do you want to know?

I don’t have kids so don’t ask about that

_ JB HYUNG [13:14] _

that’s funny asf

and no i wasnt gonna ask if u had kids lol

i don’t either lol

maybe we can meet up ?? i hate calling so

  
  


_ Park Jinyoung [13:16] _

So meeting up is better than a phone call?

  
  


_ JB HYUNG [13:17] _

yeah bc i get to see ur face

_ Park Jinyoung [13:17] _

Right lol

Then sure

Next week?

_ JB HYUNG [13:20] _

yeh bet 

  
  


Jinyoung locks his phone and touches his face, hiding his eyes so he doesn’t have to look. He’s never this embarrassed when it comes to guys but most of the guys that flirt with him are into men because he makes sure of it so he doesn’t get played.

And yet here he is. Getting played. And he’s falling for it.

  
  


***

_ Should I be doing this? _

“Hey,” comes Jaebeom’s voice behind him and Jinyoung turns, smiling at him despite his thoughts. “Did you wait long?” He’s sweet and that’s Jinyoung’s downfall. That and when guys are taller than him which… Jaebeom is. These are just facts that Jinyoung knows.

“Not really,” he answers to shut his head up, “but I don’t like people who are late.”

“Understood, sir,” Jaebeom salutes, completely serious in his reply. He breaks his character to smile and nods to a quaint burger and ramen joint on their left. “You’re not a vegetarian, are you?”

Jinyoung shakes his head. He won’t mention how much he likes barbeque - Jaebeom will find out soon depending on where they go. “I’m not allergic to anything, either.”

Jaebeom claps his hands and rubs them together as he grins at Jinyoung. “Awesome. See, I’m learning so much about you. This is a good ramen place.”

Jinyoung doesn’t mind ramen and when he sits down at the window of the front of the ramen joint, a little quaint hole in the wall place and Jaebeom sits down with him, lacing his fingers together. He doesn’t sit straight because why would he? But Jinyoung tries to relax his own posture a little more even though it’s the last thing he wants to do. He can hear his mother berating him when he slumps.

“So,” Jaebeom starts, leaning on his hand. “Park Jinyoung. Why kids?”

“How forward of you,” Jinyoung snorts, crossing his ankles under the table. “But it’s because I like them. I liked school and wanted to be a teacher when I was growing up. That and I’m the youngest of my family so it’s different to experience working with kids as a teacher.”

Jaebeom nods along, his eyes never leaving Jinyoung’s. “I didn’t know you had siblings. I thought you were an only child.”

“You only have Yugyeom, no?” 

Jaebeom hums, shifting a little. “But like I said a while ago, he feels more like a son than a brother because of our age gap. But yeah, I just have Yugyeom. That and he’s my half brother.”

“Do you… remember when he was young?”

Jaebeom smiles, his cheeks flushing pink. “I still remember holding him when he was born.” he admits. “And I remember when Mark met him, too. I guess it’s better that I’m older now, because I won’t forget a lot of good memories.”

Jinyoung can understand that. His sisters have said that to him before as well. They tell him things that he doesn’t remember at all and laugh about them, sharing stories of Jinyoung that he can only vaguely recall. It doesn’t make him feel jealous since it makes them so happy but sometimes he wishes he could look back on his own memories so fondly.

“Why are you an editor?” Jinyoung asks when Jaebeom is staring at their ramen, ready to eat. 

Jaebeom takes a moment to think about that question and it must have a lot of background because it takes a while for him to reply, picking at his disposable chopsticks. “I… I studied classic literature. I write my own poetry - have for a while and I’m hoping to get published but my dream is the same as a lot of peoples. So I edit and hope people can get to their dream.” He looks down at his bowl and Jinyoung wants to tuck his hair behind his red ear. “I know it’s cheesy. Mark’s already given me shit for it.”

But Jinyoung shakes his head, finding it sweet. “It’s inspiring,” he says honestly and the look Jaebeom gives him is beautiful, open and sparkling eyes. “You’re like a main character of an old anime.”

Jaebeom blinks and it must have struck something in him because he leans back in his chair and just stares at Jinyoung in awe. “That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

Jinyoung chokes on his food because there’s no way that’s true. He shakes his head and can finally breathe when Jaebeom smacks his back. “You’re- God, excuse me… But that’s seriously rich.” Jinyoung doesn’t flirt but he also doesn’t fall for straight guys. “You’re hot, so don’t lie to me.”

Jaebeom huffs a laugh, lifting an eyebrow. “You think I’m hot?”

Jinyoung stirs his ramen around instead of replying and takes a bite. The older man grins at him, pulling himself into the table and digging back into his bowl. Their shoulders press together a little and Jinyoung pretends not to notice.

They don’t end up leaving the ramen joint for a while. The waitress has asked them twice if they want to reorder but both of them shake their heads. Jaebeom watches Jinyoung closely when they talk, his eyes soft and it’s really doing wonders for Jinyoung’s confidence to know that he’s really listening.

“You’re really smart,” Jaebeom says when they’re walking to Jinyoung’s car. His boots make a nice sound when they connect with the pavement. “I expected that but actually knowing it is really cool, I guess.”

“You are too,” Jinyoung answers, not letting him sell himself short. “I had a good time.”

Jaebeom smiles at him, the tip of his tongue running over his lip ring for a second. “So did I. We should do this again sometime.”

Jinyoung is glad for him to suggest it. He nods to him, shoving his hands into the pocket of his leather jacket. “Yeah, I’d like that. I’ll send you some authors, yeah?”

Jaebeom hums. “I’d like that. I guess I’ll see you soon.” He even opens Jinyoung’s car door for him. “I do it for my favourites,” he says when Jinyoung scoffs at him.

“I’m a favourite?”

“You’re getting there,” Jaebeom grins, directing him into his car. “See you soon.”

Jinyoung lets him shut his door, glancing at him when Jaebeom pats the roof of his car, waving at him through the window. 

Jinyoung doesn’t wait around for once. He has a lot to process and driving isn’t really something he can be distracted from. He starts up his car, flicks on his playlist on his phone and pulls away from the curb. He’s grateful he doesn’t live too far away.

  
  


***

Jinyoung tries not to think about Jaebeom not texting him.

It wasn’t a date but aren’t they friends? Friends hang out together, it’s normal. But did Jinyoung do something to upset him? It’s been a few days since they met up and Jinyoung was happy to leave it alone but there’s something eating at him and he can’t figure out what it is. 

Jaebeom hasn’t texted him. That’s fine. But there’s something weird about this week and Jinyoung has been trying to sort it out. Yugyeom is at school so there seems to be no issue there and as far as Jinyoung can recall, he didn’t say or do anything wrong. Jaebeom initiated their meet up in the first place - did he not want to talk to Jinyoung after their hangout? Is he just that boring? Jinyoung had fun…

Wonpil is watching him with hawk eyes on a Thursday morning and Jinyoung is hyper aware of his presence because Youngjae burst into tears ten minutes ago and they were lucky Younghyun was nearby to scoop him up and calm him down because he refused to respond to Wonpil or Jinyoung.

He feels so helpless in that moment that he closes his eyes to try and calm down. It’s not even nine in the morning and he’s on the verge of a panic attack but he opens his eyes to Yugyeom walking through the door, no bag in sight. 

“Yugyeom,” Jinyoung says quietly and the little boy looks up at him from where he’s shoved his hand into the building blocks box. “Where’s your bag?”

Yugyeom rolls his eyes. “Mark-hyung has it,” he snaps at him, his tiny brows furrowing and Jinyoung blinks at him, stunned. He looks down at the box again and Wonpil stutters, the closest supervisor to him at the desks. Even Younghyun looks up from Youngjae’s book, confused at the tone.

“Yugyeom,” Wonpil chastises, frowning at him. “That’s very rude. It’s important that you have your bag with you because if we send you to your teachers without it, it won’t be good for your day.”

“Then go get it,” Yugyeom responds, scowling at his hands in the box. Wonpil kneels down and tilts his head at him but the little boy refuses to look at him, knowing he’s done wrong.

Wonpil raises his eyebrows at him. “Yugyeom, can you apologise to Jinyoung, please?”

“Sorry,” he mumbles but avoids Jinyoung’s eyes. He sits on the floor and pulls his knees into his chest, glancing at Wonpil too. “Sorry, hyung,” he whispers and buries his head in his arms. 

Jinyoung feels his stomach drop at the sight but Mark walks in before he can speak with Yugyeom, his hair pushed back and glasses on his nose, framing his tired eyes. “Gyeom-ah,” he calls but the boy doesn’t turn. “Come get your bag from me, please. I need to go to work, Gyeom.”

Yugyeom doesn’t move but he does glare at Mark over his shoulder. The older man shakes his bag and raises his eyebrows, a slight threat and it seems to do it because Yugyeom stands up and snatches his bag from Mark without a word. He walks to the back of the room to hang it up and disappears into the reading corner.

Mark sighs and signs Yugyeom in, asking for Jinyoung as he clutches his keys in his hand. “I’m sorry about him - there’s… There’s a lot going on.”

At the sight of Mark, Jinyoung finally realised why he’s felt so weird these past few days. Jaebeom hasn’t been dropping Yugyeom off.

And when asked, Mark rubs his eye underneath his glasses, glancing at Yugyeom. “It’s a really long story… I feel like a divorced couple and I’ve never even been married.”

Jinyoung has no idea what that’s supposed to mean but Mark waves his hand, not in the mood to explain. “It’s family business,” he says quickly, squeezing his eyes closed. “I… It’s Jaebeom’s business so I don’t want to say much.”

“I understand,” Jinyoung answers, glancing at Yugyeom who’s still ignoring Wonpil. “I’ll take care of him.”

Mark looks away, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Thanks, Jinyoung-ssi. I’ll see you tonight.”

Jinyoung watches him leave with his stomach in knots. Yugyeom stays where he is for the rest of the morning and Wonpil stays next to him during their morning announcements. Bambam doesn’t look pleased and he keeps glancing at the reading corner, big eyes filled with worry.

Yugyeom leaves after everyone is gone, snatching his bag from the hook and speeding out before anyone can take him to class. Wonpil tries but Jinyoung calls him back, shaking his head. Younghyun helps them clean up before he leaves to check for Yugyeom and a text comes through to Jinyoung that confirms that Yugyeom made it to class.

Jinyoung is known to keep his business to himself. He’s conscious of overstepping which sure, he’s been guilty of with Jaebeom but if his family problems are affecting how Yugyeom acts in Jinyoung’s program then he should know the basics of the issue. He knows Jaebeom has been fighting with his mother but is it so serious that Yugyeom is acting up with Mark?

“Thanks,” Jinyoung says mindlessly when Wonpil tells him he’s leaving at five past nine. “See you tonight.”

Office work is office work and it takes up his mental space. But the drive home makes him think of Jaebeom and worry for him and Yugyeom. He could text him but he’s not sure if it would be the right call - he doesn’t want to cause trouble between Jaebeom and Mark, in case Jaebeom isn’t ready to tell him.

But when Mark comes to pick Yugyeom up in the afternoon and the boy holds onto him for dear life, around his neck as Mark struggles to hold his bag on his back, Jinyoung decides he needs to text Jaebeom. 

It takes Yugyeom apologising to Mark, whispering in his ear but loud enough for Jinyoung to hear for him to decide. Mark looks pained and he shushes Yugyeom, rocking him to calm him down. He shoots a glance at Jinyoung but he’s just as confused as Mark.

“It’s alright,” he says to Yugyeom, pressing a kiss to his head as he holds him tight. “Let’s go home, hey? Come on, tough guy. You’re a big kid, aren’t you?”

“Not to hyung’s,” Yugyeom says, pulling away and Jinyoung knows Mark is hurting when he shakes his head.

“I’ll be with you,” he promises and nods to Jinyoung. When he’s gone, Jinyoung sighs and shoots Jaebeom a text.

  
  


_ Park Jinyoung [17:54] _

I know we haven’t spoken in a while

But are you alright?

  
  


Jinyoung doesn’t expect an answer right away and he doesn’t get one. It’s only when he’s at home, about to get into bed that Jaebeom answers him. Jinyoung was about to log off his computer and finish up his work on his phone when Jaebeom’s contact shows up.

  
  


_ JB HYUNG [22:09] _

fuck sorry for the late reply

thanks for asking but honestly?

im not doing great

  
  


_ Park Jinyoung [22:13] _

Do you want to talk about it?

  
  


_ JB HYUNG [22:15] _

hah no not really

not to overshare but ive been crying all afternoon lol

whatever it doesnt matter

whats good w u

  
  


Jinyoung closes his eyes to hold in his frustration. He’s not really angry - he knows Jaebeom isn’t answering him like this to get on his nerves. He takes a breath and decides that maybe what Jaebeom needs right now is a distraction - a mundane conversation to end the night.

  
  


_ Park Jinyoung [22:17] _

I just finished work for the night

I don’t have a morning shift tomorrow

So I was honestly about to go to sleep

  
  


_ JB HYUNG [22:18] _

oh sorry

i wont keep you up

  
  


_ Park Jinyoung [22:19] _

Why are you apologising like you’ve done something wrong?

  
  


_ JB HYUNG [22:23] _

habit 

but m exhausted too

so sleep soon

goodnight jinyoung

  
  


_ Park Jinyoung [22:25] _

You know you can confide in me, right?

  
  


It’s a while before he answers. 

  
  


_ JB HYUNG [22:39] _

yeah

goodnight 

  
  


Jinyoung stares at his phone long enough for the words to not make any sense and decides to lock the screen. There’s nothing more he can do if Jaebeom doesn’t want to talk. Crying all afternoon has to be a problem that should be addressed, if not by Jaebeom then by someone else.

But Jinyoung will try again another time. 

  
  


***

Children are strange. Wonderful, beautiful little humans, but strange.

Jinyoung has dried Jackson’s tears that many times, patched up Youngjae’s bleeding knees for so long, that he’s not at all surprised when Yugyeom walks into his program with a scraped up cheek. But a cheek is worse than a knee and calls for a lot more attention.

“Younghyun-hyung,” Jinyoung calls when the kids have settled in for the afternoon, finally quiet once they’ve become distracted. “Can you watch for a sec?”

Younghyun nods, pulling Wonpil out of the kitchen as Jinyoung sits down with Yugyeom on the playmat. The little boy already has some magnetic shapes out in front of him, trying to make a cube out of triangles.

Yugyeom ignores him when he sits down but Jinyoung still clears his throat. “How are you, Yugyeom?”

“Fine,” he answers, not looking up. 

“You had a good day?”

“Whatever.”

_ God, it’s like talking to a thirteen year old.  _ “Can I ask you how you hurt your cheek?” he tries instead, getting right to the point since Yugyeom wants to be rude to him.

Yugyeom stops, his hands completely still on the shapes. He grows uncomfortable shifting a little and crosses his legs, hands in his lap. “I fell…” he confesses, his head down. “I;m not lying.”

“I’m not saying you’re lying, Yugyeom. Can you look at me?” Yugyeom drags his eyes up to him, scared but Jinyoung doesn’t know why. “Why are you scared?”

“Don’t call hyung,” he whispers before he looks down again. “I don’t want to go with him.”

Jinyoung takes a breath to keep himself together. Scared children never do well for him. “Who’s picking you up tonight?”

“I don’t know.”

Jinyoung doesn’t move for a while. Yugyeom doesn’t speak to him again but they end up building a few things which is good to see. Yugyeom doesn’t want him to leave but he simply watches as Jinyoung stands up to greet various parents, just to be polite. Wonpil handles the night well by himself and Jinyoung keeps close to Yugyeom for the night.

But when Jaebeom shows up to pick Yugyeom up, the little boy jumps at Jinyoung and holds onto his leg. Jaebeom looks hurt, not even calling out to greet him since Yugyeom doesn’t do the same.

“I don’t want to go,” Yugyeom whispers and Jinyoung touches his head like he’s seen Jaebeom do. “I don’t want to go with him.”

“Mark is in the car,” Jaebeom says bluntly, able to hear Yugyeom and he signs Yugyeom out. He shoots Wonpil a look of gratitude. The other man nods, letting him go back to his car.

“You don’t want to see hyung?” Jinyoung prompts to Yugyeom who shakes his head, holding onto Jinyoung's loose pants.

“I want Mark-hyung,” he whispers, pressing his face into his leg. “I don’t want Jaebeom-hyung. I don’t want to see him again.”

“Mark-hyung’s coming,” Jinyoung says, kneeling down. Yugyeom holds him around his neck and Jinyoung takes him, sighing as he wraps his hands around him. “That will be good, yeah? What are you going to do with Mark-hyung?”

Yugyeom doesn’t answer for a few moments but he pulls away when Mark comes through the door, glancing from him to Jinyoung. “He makes good food.”

“Mm, Yugyeom-ah likes my rabboki dishes, doesn’t he?” Mark teases, grinning over his shoulder. “No spice, though.” He sticks his tongue out at Yugyeom and the boy does it back, a smile on his face. “Ah. Jaebeomie signed him out?”

“Yes, no problems,” Jinyoung answers, glancing at Wonpil sorting out the reading corner. “Yugyeom didn’t want to be picked up by Jaebeom-ssi?”

Mark takes Yugyeom from him, pinching at his cheek before kissing him. He pushes Yugyeom’s hair out of his eyes and the boy stares at him, a small pout on his lips. He’s tired, they both can tell and he holds Mark around his neck, leaning his head on his shoulder.

Mark sighs, rubbing his back and meets Jinyoung’s eyes. “Sorry, Jinyoung. Can we talk about this another time? It… It’s not my place, like I said.”

Jinyoung nods in understanding. He offers to grab Yugyeom’s bag and hands it off to Mark. Yugyeom looks like he’s about to fall asleep in Mark’s arms and the older man smiles at Jinyoung, pulling Yugyeom further up.

“I’ll see you another time,” he says quietly and when he turns, Yugyeom waves at Jinyoung, a simple movement of his wrist. It’s small but it’s there and Jinyoung smiles at him, waving back.

Wonpil has finished for the night and he promises to walk Jinyoung to his car so Jinyoung doesn’t want to keep him waiting. He can do his office work at home. Mark and Jaebeom are long gone by the time Jinyoung steps into the car park. He’s just lucky it’s not raining.

“You’re okay?” Wonpil asks before drawing away from him. “I hope Yugyeom’s okay… He seemed really scared. But at least Jaebeom didn’t force anything.”

“It seemed like he knew Yugyeom would react like that,” Jinyoung mutters, staring at the ground. “I hope they can figure it out, I guess.”

Wonpil hums, nodding along. “He’ll be okay. You’re good?”

“Yeah. I’ll catch you later.” Jinyoung draws away from him, unlocking his car before he gets to it, listening to the sound of it. He hears Wonpil’s engine start up first and Jinyoung does the same, pulling out of his parking space. 

He supposes there’s nothing more he can do. Maybe he’ll message Jaebeom again but not tonight. Not when he’s dealing with this. Yugyeom is safe but the problem relates to Jaebeom. Maybe he’s not ready to deal with it right now.

Jinyoung has overstepped enough. He’ll leave it alone for now.

  
  


***

It’s another week of Mark dropping off and picking up Yugyeom before Jinyoung hears from Jaebeom. 

Yugyeom has settled somewhat, no longer snapping at Wonpil or Jinyoung when he walks in which is good. But Mark still looks tired and still looks  _ guilty  _ when Yugyeom asks if they’re going to Jaebeom’s. Is it possible that Mark and Jaebeom fought?

When he asks, Mark blinks at him for a moment before sighing. “You know we’re not dating, right…?”

“I know,” Jinyoung answers, unsure as to what that has anything to do with it.

Mark raises his eyebrows. “Why would I have Jaebeom’s brother if we fought?”

Jinyoung realises his mistake. “Sorry. I don’t know anything so I’m… I’m trying to piece it together. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“Beom said you texted him.” It’s not a question

“Should I have not?”

Mark shakes his head, a small smile on his lips. “I could tell he appreciated it. He didn’t tell you anything?”

“I think he’s worried I was asking on the account of Yugyeom,” Jinyoung answers, unable to keep the sigh out of his voice. “Is he alright?”

Mark’s eyes aren’t on him anymore and that is answer enough. “It’s… hard to explain. But I’ll take care of him, I guess. He’d appreciate another message, I think.”

Jinyoung nods and sees him out. Jaebeom might be at work but a message won’t hurt and when he’s safe at home, his documents up on his computer, he decides to ask how Jaebeom is.

Jaebeom responds rather quickly, saying he’s better and that he’s sorry for acting strange the last time they spoke. He’s at work, as Jinyoung discovers, but judging for how quickly he’s replying, he can’t be too busy.

  
  


_ JB HYUNG [12:34] _

gyeom made it to school ?

_ Park Jinyoung [12:35] _

Mark dropped him off

Is that an issue…?

  
  


_ JB HYUNG [12:38] _

no just asking

idk im being weird again

mark has been taking him

i havent seen him in a while

  
  


Jinyoung furrows his brows at that message, confused. Why would he not have seen him? Yugyeom’s been at Mark’s, Jinyoung assumes, but why hasn’t Jaebeom seen him? 

  
  


_ Park Jinyoung [12:39] _

Is Mark-ssi staying with him?

_ JB HYUNG [12:40] _

yeh 

my mother and i are still fighting so

  
  


_ Park Jinyoung [12:42] _

For what it’s worth, I’m here if you need

  
  


His message goes unanswered. Jinyoung doesn’t have work tonight, for once, since Wonpil convinced him to take the afternoon off and give his shift to Younghyun. Younghyun rarely works full shifts and has been looking for more between this job and his bartending job. Jinyoung agreed but now that he has nothing to do, sitting by the phone and waiting for Jaebeom’s answer is weighing on him.

Making dinner is better than nothing, though. It reminds him that he’s hungry and that he should go grocery shopping this week. He doubts he’ll make it to the weekend with the amount of milk left in his fridge though so sooner rather than later is a good plan.

After a very impressive dish of salmon and rice that Jinyoung is sure he’ll brag about to his sisters, he sits down by the phone again. Flicking on a random movie for ambient noise helps calm his mind as he sorts through medical documents of children to check when their medications are set to expire. He’ll need Wonpil to check over them when he can to make sure he hasn’t missed an Epipen on the brink of a replacement.

But tired eyes won’t do him any good and it’s almost ten o’clock before he switches off his laptop and gets changed for bed. He misses his phone ringing when he’s in the bathroom, walking out with a towel over his head to dry his still wet hair from the shower. But Jinyoung is able to catch his phone ringing for the second time just before his voicemail switches over and presses the phone to his ear.

“Park Jinyoung speaking?” he greets, unsure as to who it is from not being able to check the contact. 

_ “Jinyoung?” _ comes Jaebeom’s voice, quiet and Jinyoung straightens up completely, frowning at his phone when he pulls it away to really check if it’s him.

“Jaebeom-hyung?”  _ Why is he calling me? Doesn’t he hate calling?  _ “Are you alright?”

Jaebeom laughs but it’s dry, weak.  _ “You want me to be honest?” _

His stomach is churning uncomfortably. “It would help.”

_ “I really need help.” _

That stops Jinyoung dead. “Hyung…” he says quietly and Jaebeom inhales sharply. “Are you safe? Where are you?”

_ “I’m at home, don’t worry. I won’t… It’s not like that. I… I just got Yugyeom to sleep and- Fuck, I don’t even know why I’m calling you. Sorry.” _

“Do you want me to come over?” Jinyoung asks softly, still trying to dry his hair for something to do. “I don’t mind.”

_ “No, I’ll just call Mark. Fuck… Sorry, I don’t… I don’t know what I’m doing. Can you forget this ever happened?” _

“Hyung, send me your address,” Jinyoung says, stern. They both know Jinyoung won’t let this go and judging from the way Jaebeom falls completely silent, he knows the only way out of this is to trust Jinyoung to help him. 

Jinyoung’s phone vibrates in his hand and Jaebeom has sent his address through, nothing more to say over the phone. “Trust me, okay?” he asks softly, hoping it will calm Jaebeom down a little bit.

_ “Okay,” _ the older man replies in a whisper.  _ “I’ll meet you at the door.” _

Jinyoung hangs up and decides his clothes are good enough, grey sweatpants and an old shirt. He grabs his hoodie since he knows he’ll be cold if he doesn’t and decides not to bother to get proper shoes, opting for his battered up slides.

Jaebeom really doesn’t live that far from him which is lucky for them both. In ten minutes (maybe less, Jinyoung drove a little fast), he’s texting Jaebeom that he’s here. It only now occurs to him that he hasn’t seen Jaebeom since that evening when he attempted to pick up Yugyeom, three weeks ago.

Jaebeom opens the door and the first thing Jinyoung does is press his lips together to stop himself from laughing. The older man sighs, hanging his head a little before he nods for Jinyoung to come in. “Mark did it,” he explains, tucking his  _ blonde _ hair behind his ears.

“I can tell,” Jinyoung chuckles, pointing at his roots. “Was he scared he’d burn you?”

Jaebeom pats his hair down with a pout. “I have a lot of hair… I didn’t want it to fall off.”

“It’s cute,” Jinyoung finds himself saying, genuine and Jaebeom huffs, looking away. He turns and nods to the first door of the apartment to distract them both. “Your room?”

Jaebeom looks at the door quickly and nods, a little nervous. “Yeah, uh… The living room is through there and… Do you want something to drink? Eat? You drink coffee so…”

“I have work in the morning,” Jinyoung tells him softly, shaking his head. “Don’t worry. Where is comfortable for you?”

Jaebeom sucks in a breath and nods to the living room. “I don’t… I know we’re not close so I’m sorry to do this to you.”

Jinyoung pauses for a moment, letting the words linger between them and Jaebeom drags his eyes to him, full of guilt. Jinyoung offers his hand and Jaebeom stares at it for a moment, swallowing. “Give me your hand,” he whispers, prompting.

Jaebeom does, blinking at it and Jinyoung keeps their hands up as he lays his other hand over Jaebeom’s. “You’ve not done anything wrong, okay? I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t want to.”

The older man swallows again and only pulls away to lead Jinyoung into the living room. Maybe it’s a little far. A little too much. Jinyoung opts to keep his hands to himself but he’s grateful that Jaebeom sits next to him on the couch, close enough for their knees to knock together.

But Jaebeom doesn’t stay for long. He stands up in a rush again and pats his pockets down, cursing under his breath. “I’m… I need a cigarette and before you get up my ass, Mark has already handed it to me. I know it’s bad.”

Jinyoung just watches him with open eyes and shrugs. “It’s a habit,” he assumes and Jaebeom agrees, his eyes a little crazed. “It helps you calm down?”

“Yeah, it’s… It’s a stress thing, Mark said. I don’t smoke all the time and I’ve tried to give up. It wasn’t until I got custody of Yugyeom that I started doing it again.” 

Jinyoung follows him to the balcony, a small little thing lined with rusty bars. Jaebeom sits on the floor since there’s only room for a little fold out chair and Jinyoung does the same, crossing his legs and keeping his back straight as the night air hits him.

It’s nice, even with Jaebeom’s cigarette smoke floating over to his space. He doesn’t mind which confuses him a little - he’s never been a fan of smoking and hates the smell, as well as the effect it has on one’s body. But if he seriously doesn’t mind it because it’s Jaebeom… God, he’s screwed.

“What’s wrong?” he says quietly, only for Jaebeom to hear and the older man closes his eyes, leaning his hand against the bars.

“Where do I start…?” he laughs dryly and with the ugly yellow beams from the street lights below, Jinyoung can see how tired he truly is. His blonde hair seems to glow though, a beautiful frame around his face.

Jaebeom shoves his hair back behind his ears, sucking in another drag of his cigarette before he lowers it, letting it burn in between his fingers. “Fighting with my mother and Yugyeom must have gotten more wind of it. I don’t know what he heard but I guess he didn’t like it. One minute I was on the phone with mum, yelling and raging and the next, Yugyeom was running down the street.”

“He bolted?” Jinyoung balks, his eyes wide.

Jaebeom nods, solemn. “He was running to wherever he thought Mark’s was. He actually got pretty far before I caught him. But he wouldn’t listen to me and… Fuck, he  _ bit _ me, at one point. He didn’t even want me to hold him.”

Jinyoung sighs, rubbing his face. “What did you do? It couldn’t have ended there.”

“I took him home,” Jaebeom says slowly, eyes on the street below them. “Hung up on mum. When Yugyeom stopped screaming at me, I took him to Mark’s. At first, it was just supposed to be for the night. I mean, that’s where he wanted to go and he clearly didn’t want to be with me. But then he kept begging Mark not to take him back to me. He said he didn’t want our mother to take him away.”

Jinyoung blinks, finally understanding just what Yugyeom was afraid of. “He thought you’d give him to her? Just like that?”

“Obviously, I wouldn’t,” Jaebeom hisses, appalled at the implication. He’s probably been asked that many times. “But Yugyeom didn’t know that. I was trying so hard to keep him out of it that I didn’t even realise he knew everything.”

Jinyoung doesn’t say anything. Jaebeom finishes his cigarette in that time, stubbing it out on the ground and flicking it into a little pot. He sighs out the remainder of his smoke and Jinyoung watches it curl up into the air and dissipate.

“He finally agreed to see me today,” Jaebeom whispers, closing his eyes again. “I was so happy but… He’s not the same. Not with me.” Jinyoung swallows, unsure but the older man opens his eyes to look at him, intense. “Talk. You want to say something.”

“You need to prioritise Yugyeom,” Jinyoung blurts. “Why do you think he doesn’t want to see you? You’re not giving him attention and when he’s with you, you’re fighting with your mother. He won’t be the same with you if you don’t give him the energy. He needs to know that you want him around, that you still care about him.”

“Of course I care about him-”

“I’m not saying you don’t,” Jinyoung interrupts, raising his eyebrows. “But Yugyeom doesn’t know that. He doesn’t see you like I do, like a friend or just a person. You’re his big brother and he needs to know that you love him.”

Jaebeom looks down as it takes the words in. Jinyoung is expecting him to be angry, to lash out about knowing how to raise his brother but Jaebeom just sits back against the railing, completely relaxed. He pulls his legs up to his chest and leans his cheek on his knee, looking at Jinyoung.

“You’re really smart,” he says quietly, his eyes holding the light of whatever is surrounding them and Jinyoung holds his gaze stubbornly.

“I just know kids,” he answers and Jaebeom huffs a laugh, his eyes alight. “Yugyeom loves you more than you’ll ever know. So don’t abuse that trust.”

“I don’t mean to…” Jaebeom sighs, hiding his face in his arms. “But thank you… I really don’t know what I’m doing.” He’s said it before. That was the first thing Jaebeom said to Jinyoung when he walked in to drop Yugyeom off. 

“But you’re doing your best.” Jinyoung’s voice is soft and Jaebeom sighs, nodding weakly. “Just… When Yugyeom wakes up, get him ready like normal. Kids know a lot more than they let on so don’t assume he won’t know anything because you’re not telling him.” He stands up and Jaebeom looks up at him, not moving from his place.

“Thank Mark-ssi, while you’re at it,” Jinyoung tells him, smiling gently. He pulls his hood up, his ears getting cold and Jaebeom huffs a laugh. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Jaebeom-hyung.”

“See you, Jinyoung.” Jaebeom sounds like he’s on the verge of falling asleep right on the floor. He surprisingly looks comfortable on the balcony floor, his legs close to his chest. “Thank you for coming. Can we never talk about this again?”

Jinyoung crouches down like he does to talk to the children at work and Jaebeom blinks at him with tired eyes, eyes that are worried for his reason. He still shakes his head and Jaebeom curses. “I know you want to,” Jinyoung says gently, tilting his head to get Jaebeom to look him in the eye, “but you don’t have anything to be ashamed of, okay? People struggle. It’s a part of life. But I will be here when you need to get back up.”

Jaebeom blinks, taking it in before he sighs. “Okay,” he manages, grasping Jinyoung’s hand when he offers it, lifting himself up. “Thanks again. I really appreciate it.”

Jinyoung doesn’t let that fester lest his heart gets too involved. “See you tomorrow,” he says instead and Jaebeom stays on the balcony as Jinyoung leaves, returning back to his car.

It takes a few minutes before Jinyoung pulls away from his parking space. In that few minutes, he smacks his hands on the steering wheel a few times and curses himself out in his rearview mirror, trying to convince himself to stop being such a sap.

He drives home in silence and is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. It’s past midnight. He has to be awake at six. 

Goodnight.

  
  


***

It’s a relief when Jaebeom walks in the next morning. 

Jinyoung has been distracting himself with the other children and trying to stop Bambam from asking him when Yugyeom is coming. He has no idea but Bambam won’t take that for an answer.

“He doesn’t talk to me sometimes,” Bambam tells him after tugging on Jinyoung’s pants like Yugyeom did so long ago. “Yesterday, he yelled at me. I got angry too.”

Jinyoung strokes his head, pouting a little. “Yugyeom is going through something right now. I’m sure he’ll apologise to you soon. I’ll ask him about it, okay?”

Bambam nods, smiling at him and Jinyoung returns it, ruffling his hair. It isn’t long before Yugyeom comes in and within seconds, he’s hugging Bambam before he can even take off his bag. Jaebeom leans on the doorframe with a smile, his hand in his pocket and nods to Jinyoung.

“I’m guessing you spoke to him?” Jinyoung asks, pointedly ignoring Jaebeom’s chains that hang from his belt. “Bambam was just saying he was worried about him.”

“Yeah,” Jaebeom answers breathlessly, the dark circles underneath his eyes finally starting to clear. He must have slept well last night. “We had a talk in the car. And this morning, like you said. I’m going to do better.”

Jinyoung stares at him for a few moments, almost in awe. He knows how much strength it takes to be a parent and Jaebeom took on the responsibility without anyone to guide him. Yugyeom has grown up well and things could be a lot worse but one day at a time truly does seem to work for them, to which Jinyoung is glad for.

“You’ve done well,” Jinyoung says quietly but Jaebeom catches it, smiling to himself in embarrassment. “I’m sure Yugyeom will realise that too.”

Jaebeom stands up straight and his smile never leaves his lips, even when he leans in a little closer. Jinyoung doesn’t lean back or step away - he’s not smart enough for that. He just watches Jaebeom’s eyes when he speaks because if he doesn’t, he’ll watch his mouth and he does not need to be reminded of the older man’s lip piercing.

“As thanks,” he starts, raising his brows, “for last night, do you want to catch up sometime? It’s a little unorthodox to just invite you over during a… moment. So I want to thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Jinyoung answers, his voice level and he lifts his chin, almost challenging Jaebeom. He’s being cocky but he needs to get leverage back before Jaebeom sweeps him away. “But I like wine.”

“White or red?” Jaebeom’s question comes with a smirk.

“Red, mostly.”

“Then okay,” Jaebeom grins, his eyes alight. “You know where I live.”

Jinyoung watches him go with a squint. Not only does he know where Jaebeom lives (which sounds creepy - he’s not going to  _ abuse _ it), but he’s being invited over? For wine? As a thank you?

Now he’s truly confused. 

“What do you do,” he asks when the kids have gone to class, when Wonpil is wiping down the drawing tables, “when you have a crush on a hot guy that comes into your work and invites you over for wine as a thank you?” 

His coworker looks up at him, furrowing his brows as he thinks of an answer before pulling a face. “Ask him out?”

“And if he’s straight?”

Wonpil stands up straight and pats Jinyoung on the shoulder. “Wallow in self pity because an unrequited love story just doesn’t sell, bud.”

“Somehow,” Jinyoung says in a sigh, “hearing you say that makes it all the more worse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ello loves  
> went back to uni so bare with me, updates will be slow... these are wack as times  
> but baby yugyeom and more jjp. development !


	5. five

Jaebeom is pretty.

Jinyoung knows this but he didn’t anticipate  _ this _ .

Jaebeom was already pretty with long hair but with blonde hair is a whole other story. Jinyoung tried to prepare for going out with him and though it’s only dinner at his apartment, he kept himself calm and collected. 

But when he’s standing in the parking garage of Jaebeom’s apartment complex, he remembers that Jaebeom is blonde.

He stares at himself in the reflection of his car window, fixing his hair as best as he can. His hair has grown and he rakes it back but his glasses keep his bangs out of his eyes. It’s been a few months since Jinyoung cut his hair short so it’s back to his normal length that he’s comfortable with. He fixes his jean jacket on his shoulders, tugging at his tucked in shirt too but he’s being meticulous - pathetically trying to calm down by nitpicking at him.

“You’re so annoying,” he deadpans to his own reflection, sighing heavily. He stares at himself from more, pushing his glasses up his nose but it’s no use. “Why do you look like that?” He pats his cheeks and moves them around, getting himself back into the moment. Trying to  _ motivate _ himself not to be so damn nervous.

He really should go up to the apartment before Jaebeom texts him and asks where he is. They planned for seven. It’s a little past seven but not long enough for a text, thank God. Jinyoung tucks his phone back into his pocket before he swallows his nerves and knocks on the door.

Yugyeom is with Mark, as far as Jinyoung knows. He’s not thinking about how they’ll be alone because that’s not what they are. This isn’t a date, it’s a thank you. From a friend to another friend - a new found friend at that.

But they will be alone tonight to have dinner. And Jinyoung realises this just before Jaebeom opens the door of his apartment. He smiles and opens the door completely and oh, Jinyoung truly is screwed.

Jaebeom with blonde hair is gorgeous but what’s different is his style. One side of his hair is tucked behind his ear, his bangs over his face as usual and Jinyoung can see the rainbow butterfly clips placed haphazardly in his hair. He tucks the stray hair behind his ear as he leans on the doorframe, the clips a little loose.

“Yugyeom did your hair?" Jinyoung asks, just because of the way they’re placed messily in his hair. 

Jaebeom raises his hand quickly to the side of his head, his eyes wide. He touches the clips sheepishly, his cheeks flushing and all Jinyoung can do is chuckle. Jaebeom does too, huffing a small laugh. “Yeah… Bambam gave him the clips from his sister. Come in, though. It’s cold.”

“It’s not,” Jinyoung teases, stepping into the apartment. He leaves his jacket on even though Jaebeom offers for him to hang it up and it already smells good in the apartment. “You started?”

Jaebeom hums, stepping around him. “Rice hot pot. You’re not a vegetarian so it’s slow cooked beef. I… I cook as much as I can for Yugyeom and Mark does too. So I’m not fantastic but I think I’m pretty good.” He smiles over his shoulder, smug and Jinyoung huffs a laugh.

_ Love a man that can cook.  _ “I wouldn’t have minded,” Jinyoung says, watching as the older man moves into the kitchen. “But I could have helped you.”

Jaebeom shakes his head, his earrings dangling around his jaw. He looks effortlessly beautiful, his accessories in silver. “Never for the guest. The guest is like royalty.”

“You tell that to all the girls you bring home?” Jinyoung shoots back, raising his brows. Is this flirting?

But Jaebeom shrugs, huffing a laugh. “Cooking is an essential skill.” He checks the pot, his eyes a little soft. “To cook for someone is a great treasure. Or something poetic like that.”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes but it is nice. The wine has already been opened on the dining table, so he pours two glasses. Jaebeom flicks off the burners and quickly serves up the food, making sure to plate it nicely before he places it in front of Jinyoung. He sits next to Jinyoung, tucking his hair behind his ear before handing Jinyoung some chopsticks.

“If it’s bad, just swallow it,” he says, flicking his chopsticks around his fingers. “Don’t want to hear any of that ‘this doesn’t taste good’ bullshit.”

“Do people tend to tell you that a lot?” Jinyoung retorts, straightening as he sips his wine. It’s good, to say the least but he knows he’ll be well on his way to getting drunk by the end of the glass. He should take it slow. 

“Eat your food,” Jaebeom responses, his eyes glinting in mischief so Jinyoung shuts his mouth and does as he’s told. It’s good but even if it wasn’t, he wouldn’t have told Jaebeom that. He’s too  _ whipped _ to do that.

“It’s good,” he says when Jaebeom looks at him in silent question and the older man smiles, his cheeks big. “I really like it. Thank you.”

“I didn’t make dessert,” Jaebeom tells him, around the food in his cheeks. “Sorry.”

He really doesn’t mind and Jaebeom doesn’t seem to want to do much besides eat and drink his wine so Jinyoung is happy to spend this time with him even in silence. He takes a sip now, happy with himself.

After a while, Jaebeom clears his throat. “Didn’t think you would agree to come over,” he says absentmindedly, his eyes on his food.

“Why is that?” Jinyoung counters, leaning on the table as he pushes his dish away. What Jaebeom doesn’t know is how far gone he is so joke’s on him. Jinyoung can be a smartass about his feelings all he wants but he’s the one that watches Jaebeom closely, studying his profile because his only explanation is that Jaebeom is so beautiful.

Jaebeom shrugs, fiddling around his bowl as he chews. “We’ve only been out once technically and that wasn’t planned. So I don’t know if I’m overestimating how familiar we are with each other.”

Jinyoung can understand but he still shakes his head, lying his chopsticks down. “I don’t feel that way. And isn’t that what we can do tonight? Ask me whatever you want to.”

A few moments pass as Jaebeom straightens his back and puts his chopsticks down, pushing his bowl away. He crosses his arms, looking at Jinyoung openly. “Anything?”

“Anything,” he answers. “As long as it’s sensible.” Jinyoung is nervous for the coming interview but Jaebeom seems to be the same, judging from the way he's shifting in his seat. It occurs to him that he might know why he's so nervous.

"Do you… want to ask about me?" he says dumbly and Jaebeom blinks at him, no words to say. "Like- That was stupid. I meant about my personal life, since I know a lot about you and Yugyeom."

"If you want to share," Jaebeom answers quickly, his eyes wide. "When you said it the first time- It was kind of awkward 'cause Mark was there… I guess I just want to ask if you're with anyone."

Jinyoung shakes his head for the nth time that night. He expected this to be awkward to talk about surprisingly, he feels at ease. "I haven't been looking, honestly. I dated a guy a while ago and he was- He was a dick, to be blunt. I don't know why I stayed with him. Wonpil hated him."

"You were young," Jaebeom says softly, leaning his cheek against his hand. "Did you date him for long?"

"No, a short while. It felt like sex more than anything." He quickly covers his mouth, his eyes wide but Jaebeom laughs. "Sorry, I don't… know if you're comfortable with talking about that kind of stuff."

Jaebeom waves him off. "The amount of times Mark has described his sex life to me has made me too comfortable, seriously. Don't worry about it." He clears his throat a little, trying to maintain eye contact but it’s obvious he's embarrassed. It's cute. "But that doesn't sound worthwhile. I'm sure that guy realised what he was missing."

Jinyoung blows out a breath, crossing his arms. "You talk a lot of flattery, Jaebeom-ssi. You think I'm boyfriend material?"  _ God, shut up! What is wrong with you? _

But it's too late to smack himself in the head because Jaebeom huffs a laugh and tucks his bangs behind his ears, his ears the same colour of his cheeks. "You're already good with kids. Don't people like that? I know girls do."

"Girls do," he agrees, relaxing his shoulders again. "Guys do too. Just depends if your partner actually likes kids."

Jaebeom hums in agreement. There's a beat of silence before he nods to the balcony and Jinyoung is already standing up before the older man can grab his cigarettes from the kitchen counter. 

When they sit down on the balcony, the night air biting at their warm skin, Jinyoung politely declines the offer of a cigarette. He crosses his legs and watches as Jaebeom lights up. "You said you tried to give up before Yugyeom?"

The older man nods, sucking out a drag before he lets it go. "Yeah, I started in uni. Thought it'd be interesting to try at a party and got me hooked. That's… Uh, that's how I met Mark, actually."

Now  _ that _ makes Jinyoung recoil, blinking at him. "As in he gave you the cigarette?" he questions, confused. "Didn't you say he gets up your ass about quitting?"

"Only 'cause he quit a while back." Jaebeom's answer comes out in a sigh and he lifts the cigarette to his lips again to take another drag. "But yeah, I met him at that party 'cause it… was a university party. And there were some not so flattering substances."

"Weed," Jinyoung deadpans, squinting at him. "Do you think I'm that innocent?"

But Jaebeom just laughs, blowing out another cloud of smoke. "No, Jinyoungie, I'm sure you've had some scandals. But… have you ever shotgunned with someone?"

His confusion must show on his face because Jaebeom flushes in embarrassment, his cheeks pink. "Mark… I haven't smoked weed since and it was my first time so he… helped? Fuck, it's so stupid looking back on it because he was already high and just _ did _ it."

Jinyoung is still confused and because he's an adult with a working internet connection, he pulls out his phone. Jaebeom hides his eyes behind his hand with a groan as Jinyoung reads and lifts his hand to try and figure out what the hell Jaebeom is referring to. 

"So did he…" Jinyoung frowns and reads the urban dictionary definition again, tilting his head to figure out how it works but Jaebeom locks his phone in a rush and stares at him, intense and head on. Jinyoung doesn’t breathe as he stares at Jaebeom, waiting for him to do something because God knows Jinyoung won’t.

"The smoke is thicker," he says and Jinyoung raises his brows. "So you can transfer it through your hand or like… with your mouth."

Jinyoung stares at him for a few moments too long. Jaebeom blinks at him and his eyes are very pretty up close but that's besides the point.

"For how much you ask about girls," Jinyoung starts, his voice aiming to tease despite how utterly  _ fucked _ he is, "that's a very gay thing to admit."

Jaebeom snorts and looks away before he can spit in Jinyoung's face from the surprise of the laugh that bubbles up. Jinyoung laughs too, out of complete shock at the confession but it makes some kind of sense, right? It was a practical exchange from Mark, an experienced smoker, to Jaebeom, an inexperienced smoker. It didn't matter who they were back then or who they are now, because they’re friends. There’s nothing more to it.

"Does it even count as kissing?" he ends up asking and that makes Jaebeom think, pulling a face.

"Yes?" he answers, not confident in the answer. "More like just locking your mouths together."

"So… kissing." Jinyoung laughs while Jaebeom just whines, dropping his head back. "We've all experimented, I think. It's not like I haven't been with women before." Because that’s what that was - an experiment. Kissing boys is an experiment when you’re straight and that’s fine. Jinyoung did the same with women but the realisation doesn’t do much for his too hopeful heart.

"I'm not denying it because it's gay or whatever." Jaebeom shakes his head, smacking his lips together loudly as he ashes his cigarette into the tiny pot. "But I'm denying it because it's Mark and he was already high. He barely remembers it because he forgot that we met when I brought it up."

"One night stands will do that to you when they meet you in public."

Jaebeom shoves Jinyoung but he can't help but laugh, taking another drag of his cigarette. "But I wouldn't take the experience back," he confesses and Jinyoung doesn't let his heart race. "Mark's a good guy. That and I guess I'm comfortable? I don't see the issue in complimenting men or admitting they're attractive."

"That doesn't make you gay," Jinyoung agrees, because it doesn't. The agreement doesn’t help him.

"Just means I have eyes."

Jinyoung snorts, their shoulders pressing together. "A lot of guys could take a page out of your book."

Jaebeom rolls his eyes but laughs along, stubbing out his cigarette on the concrete. Jinyoung watches the little flecks of ash float away in the soft breeze and wonders how long he's been here for, how long they've been talking. It’s only them - they’re the only two who matter to each other right now but when Jinyoung leaves, their lives will go back to normal. But now, in this atmosphere, Jinyoung thinks he wouldn’t mind painting the town with a story only the two of them are able to write.

It's nice and Jinyoung could do this all night, have a simple conversation between two familiar people, regardless of feelings even though his are rearing their ugly head.

He steals a glance at Jaebeom's profile, the curve of his nose highlighted by the yellow street lamps and thinks that he is simply stunning. He has his eyes closed, taking in the atmosphere and the ring in his lip is silver tonight, reflecting all that's below and around them.

Jaebeom turns his head slowly to him, his eyes opening and gazing at Jinyoung like he's the only thing that matters and for a second, Jinyoung completely believes it. It's the poet in Jaebeom, he knows it for sure, so he shouldn't feel special but he takes it in completely, falling for it all over again.

The butterfly clips are still holding strong despite their weak grip from Yugyeom's placement. There's one that sticks out through, right at the front of Jaebeom's bangs. Jinyoung lifts his hand before he says anything and Jaebeom's eyes follow him, not pulling away.

"It's falling," Jinyoung says in a whisper, drawing his hand back with the tiny butterfly clip in between his fingers. It's bright pink, laying in his palm and Jaebeom's eyes follow his hand when he lowers it, staring at the clip with parted lips.

The older man laughs, smiling softly at the clip. He takes it from Jinyoung and examines it for a moment, watching it glitter before he presents it to Jinyoung again, his eyes boring into him "Can I?" he asks and Jinyoung nods once, not trusting his voice.

Jaebeom leans over slightly, kneeling in front of him and his shirt tugs a little at where it's tucked in, pulling taunt at his shoulder over his chest. He sits up a little more and Jinyoung puts his eyes elsewhere but looking up at Jaebeom is worse, seeing the way he moves, the way his eyes are lit up as he fiddles with the clip.

Jinyoung's bangs shift a little through the open mouth of the clip before Jaebeom releases the lock. It grips his hair softly, not keeping it out of his eyes but when he lifts his hand to touch it, he knows Jaebeom can see it when he looks at him.

"I'm not sure if pink is your colour," Jaebeom says seriously, pursing his lips. Jinyoung could kiss him and be done with it. A simple thing. He won't but he could. 

"Your face is neutral, like I said a little ago," Jaebeom goes on because Jinyoung isn’t having a crisis, gesturing to his own face as he explains. "You don't have any highlights in your hair and you're naturally beautiful. You could pull off anything, now that I think of it. Maybe I don't think pink is your colour because anything would make you stand out."

"You're oddly serious about this," Jinyoung replies, blinking at him. "Aren't you an editor? What's with the fashion advice?"

Jaebeom flushes at that, sitting back on his heels. "I just… I like fashion. Mark and I like to change a lot - clothes, hair, stuff like that. Mark got me into dying my hair, too. I just like it."

"It suits you," Jinyoung says again, like he did the first time they met up accidentally. "The piercings… You really fit the alternative look."

Jaebeom smiles, his lip ring glinting in the low light. "Thank you. You fit your look too. I meant what I said but your style is nice. It's cute."

"I dress like a typical student," he answers, laughing a little. "Wonpil says I look like a professor."

Jaebeom snorts, slumping down onto his side so he can stretch out his legs again. "Yeah, but it's kind of cute. The short hair you had was nice. Not a lot of guys can pull that off - goes back to what I said about the natural beauty."

_ Can he stop saying that?  _ Compliments don’t really get to Jinyoung like this normally - he knows he’s handsome but stays as humble as he can. For Jaebeom to constantly remind him is making him freak out. He could say it in return - compliment Jaebeom and he’s done it before but it’s different. 

And yet. “You’re beautiful,” he says and Jaebeom laughs, ducking his head in embarrassment. It’s  _ adorable _ and Jinyoung can barely take it. “You can dish it but you can’t take it?”

“It’s different,” he answers but doesn’t elaborate. Jinyoung doesn’t push him. “Maybe I shouldn’t compliment you.”

Jinyoung swallows his pride. “Maybe if you admit it, I’ll stop.”

“Admit that I’m beautiful?” Jaebeom retorts, raising a brow. “But then you wouldn’t compliment me.”

Jinyoung closes his eyes and screws up his face to keep his grievances to himself. Jaebeom laughs, knocking their shoulders together and it’s easy to lose themselves in each other. It’s nice to simply exist in the atmosphere they’ve created and Jinyoung closes his eyes, content in it all.

“You’re a favourite, Park Jinyoung,” Jaebeom says after a while, in a small whisper. He’s not looking at him when Jinyoung turns his head, his eyes on the night sky but he’s not waiting for a comment in return. 

They simply exist together. Jinyoung shifts a little closer and Jaebeom hums, his eyes slipping closed as they share each other’s space.

  
  


***

Jinyoung truly is a stupid creature, clearly an example of human regression in evolution when he agrees to  _ hang out _ with Jaebeom. 

At first, he said no because Jaebeom asked to go out on a Tuesday night but Friday night rolled around and Jinyoung is staring at himself in his bathroom mirror, trying to figure out what to wear. It never takes him this long to find something. He likes to think he has a good sense of fashion, especially for something casual like going to a tapas bar. 

“It’s seriously not that hard,” he curses at himself as he pulls on black slacks, tucking his plain white shirt into the waist. He knows how to match his shoes as long as he wears a black belt and there’s a loose pinstripe blazer in his closet that he rarely ever wears, the cuffs hemmed at his forearms. Pulling it on makes him sigh in relief that it still fits and he licks his lips, figuring out his hair as best as he can.

Jaebeom decides to text him early, saying he’s leaving now and lucky for them both, Jinyoung was already putting his shoes on. He grabs his wallet and his keys, swinging them around his finger as he leaves, slamming his door behind him.

Should he be worried? No, because Jaebeom is a friend. It’s been a short while since they had dinner together and they’re doing it again which is fine because Jinyoung likes spending time with Jaebeom, regardless of his feelings towards the man. Despite his feelings, he’s friends with Jaebeom and it’s as simple as that.

Jinyoung is an adult man and he can handle his feelings. No matter what, he likes Jaebeom - as a man and as a friend. He doesn’t have time to give himself a pep talk in the window of his car this time when he parks on the curb but he doesn’t have much time to think of anything because Jaebeom is already outside the bar, a cigarette between his fingers with half of his blonde hair tied up in a bun. 

He flicks his bangs out of his face to take a drag, his silver jewelry sparkling in the evening light. The leather jacket on his shoulders fits him well but so do his jeans so Jinyoung stops thinking before he goes insane. Jaebeom wasn’t lying when he said he likes fashion and he certainly has an eye for what suits him, if his piercings are anything to go by.

“Hyung,” Jinyoung calls and Jaebeom looks up, dropping his cigarette to stub it out with his boot. He grins, blowing out the smoke before offering his hand for Jinyoung to take in greeting. Jinyoung does, smiling softly but Jaebeom doesn’t let go and he decides not to comment. He’ll take what he can get, since Jaebeom seems very comfortable to do so.

“I’m going to quit,” he says without Jinyoung asking. “I think I can. You have to distract me when I crave it, okay? You’re good at that.”

Jinyoung pulls at his hand, staring at him incredulously. “Is that so?” he answers and this is why he’s so deep in this. Jaebeom flirts with his friends, Jinyoung has concluded because that’s all this is and it’s doing nothing good for his heart. “For you?”

Jaebeom stares at him like he’s crazy. “Because you- You’re  _ you _ .”

“And you’re not?”

Jaebeom flushes. “It’s not about me,” he defends but it’s weak so Jinyoung mockingly pouts at him. If he were anyone else, Jinyoung would pinch his cheek. “But never mind that. Just don’t let me smoke anymore tonight.”

Jinyoung will keep it in mind for tonight. Jaebeom only lets go of his hand when they get to their little booth, complimentary pretzels calling Jinyoung’s name already.

“Whiskey?” Jaebeom asks, crossing his legs elegantly. “We can order a round of various drinks. But aren’t you a lightweight?”

Jinyoung shrugs. “I can go a while. It just hits on the first drink and then I feel like dancing.”

“I like dancing,” Jaebeom grins, leaning a little closer to him. “You want to go dancing later?”

“I could go dancing.” The music is low in the bar, the chatter of the other patrons loud enough to create background noise for them.

Jaebeom nods to the bar. “Let’s order. I’ll watch your drinks if you watch my cigarettes.” He holds out his fist and Jinyoung bumps it, following him out of the booth.

The bar isn’t crowded, thank God, but Jaebeom still has to slip in between two girls to order for them. The girls apologise though and Jaebeom thanks them as they try to make room for him to order. Jinyoung stands back, near a standing table but Jaebeom takes some time before he’s able to flag down a bartender.

“That’s my table,” someone says and Jinyoung turns to meet the eyes of a very cute man whose eyes sparkle at him. He smiles sweetly and Jinyoung steps away but the man shakes his head. “I’m Doyoung. You’re welcome to join me.”

“You’re alone?” Jinyoung levels his gaze, a small smile playing on his lips. Forgive him for flirting with an attractive man, he’s only human. “I find that hard to believe.”

“You’d fix that problem if you stayed with me,” Doyoung answers, gesturing to the chair opposite him. He smirks a little and Jinyoung can’t help but chuckle. “What’s your name?”

“It’s Jinyoung.” He doesn’t sit but he leans on the table, gazing at Doyoung who is very pretty up close, minimal jewelry and all natural beauty. “But I’m flattered. You’re sweet.”

Doyoung sighs, leaning on his hand. “I know,” he smiles, his eyes twinkling and Jinyoung smiles at him. “You won’t stay?”

Jaebeom chooses that moment to materialise out of nowhere, drinks in his hand. He looks at Jinyoung, his cheeks flushed but Doyoung glances between them, something of recognition crossing his face. 

“Am I interrupting something?” Jaebeom asks, looking at Jinyoung with wide eyes and it’s so much like when Jinyoung showed up at his apartment when Jaebeom called him, a look of heartbreak that Jinyoung can’t help but wrap his arm around his shoulders in apology.

“Nothing yet,” Doyoung says, raising his eyebrows in a small challenge. “Unless it’s me who’s interrupting?”

Jaebeom flicks his bangs out of his face by blowing it. He glances at Jinyoung who has no idea what to say but he looks back at Doyoung, lifting his chin. “It’s… a date,” he says timidly, his voice almost too quiet to carry over the noise of the bar.

Jinyoung blinks as does Doyoung but it’s not about him right now. “We were just talking, I promise,” he says quietly, ducking his head to make sure Jaebeom hears it. He runs his hand up his spine just to make it better and Jaebeom takes a breath, handing him his drink.

“I know,” he answers, sipping his whiskey like there’s no issue. “I trust you.”

Jinyoung can’t help the butterflies in his stomach and he rests his hand on Jaebeom’s shoulder, out of pure comfort and he can feel the tension releasing from Jaebeom’s shoulders. Why is he so upset? Was he seriously jealous?

Doyoung’s eyes don’t leave them as they walk away but he doesn’t seem offended. When Jinyoung meets his eyes across the bar after sitting down, Doyoung smiles gently, his chin still in his hand and he turns, setting his sights on another man that sits in the seat Jinyoung could have taken.

“It’s a date?” he asks when Jaebeom has settled into the booth again.

The older sips his drink without responding and Jinyoung is fine, really. No need to over analyse that even though that’s exactly what he’s doing because is it a date? “Or did you just say that to make him stop asking?”

“It’s rude to have attention elsewhere…” Jaebeom mutters, glaring at the wall. “When you’re with someone. Didn’t you tell me that about Yugyeom? That he needs my attention when we’re together. Isn’t it the same?”

Jinyoung blinks at him before realising how it must have looked. He shifts next to him, setting his drink on the table in front of them. Jaebeom watches him, crosses his legs and levels his gaze.

“Let’s go dancing,” Jinyoung says, smiling at him and Jaebeom sips his whiskey again before downing it completely. It’s a sipping whiskey so Jaebeom coughs, smacking his chest as he clears his throat, red in the face. It’s somehow cute so Jinyoung just smiles at him because he’s completely head over heels.

“Yeah, let’s- Fuck’s sake.” Jaebeom coughs again when he stands up but Jinyoung doesn’t follow, watching him closely. “Aren’t you coming?”

“Sure,” Jinyoung laughs, taking his hand as he stands up and Jaebeom manages to smile for him. Doyoung’s the last thing on his mind now.

  
  


***

Getting drunk wasn’t in the plan for tonight but Jinyoung’s three drinks in and swaying on his feet as he tries to figure out what girl group song is playing. Whatever it is, Jaebeom loves it, dancing with enough precision to make a trainee jealous despite being a little far from sober.

It’s funny, the way they work together and Jinyoung can’t stop smiling even though they’re in darkness, the only light from the bar top and whatever ones shine into the dance floor. It’s hardly busy but not deserted - this is a fact that Jinyoung keeps in the back of his mind when Jaebeom asks for his hands to dance with him.

It’s not sexual at all and Jinyoung doesn’t want it to be. It shouldn’t be, because they’re friends but Jaebeom is still closer than he should be, his fingers between Jinyoung’s as he dances as best as he can. It’s not good because it’s not supposed to be and Jaebeom lifts their hands above their heads, their faces close and he smiles something so sweet that it makes Jinyoung’s heart race.

It’s movie magic in real time, the way nothing matters in this moment when it’s the two of them. The music is in the back of their minds and their footwork could use some work but it’s perfect for the moment. Jaebeom spins himself when Jinyoung prompts it and it’s completely out of rhythm but neither of them have it in them to complain at all.

“I want another drink!” Jaebeom calls and Jinyoung laughs, their foreheads pressed together. “But I’m getting tired. I don’t know the time but I don’t want to go home!”

“We don’t have to go home,” Jinyoung replies, loud enough for him to hear. Jaebeom drops their hands to their sides, their index fingers still linked. “You can get another drink.”

“Only if you come with me,” Jaebeom smiles, their noses nudging together. Jinyoung could kiss him right now - he shouldn’t be thinking about that and he  _ won’t _ because he’s not stupid and Jaebeom’s feelings are more important than his selfish wants. 

But Jinyoung, either way, is weak and agrees to accompany him to the bar. Jaebeom isn’t stumbling but his cheeks are pretty in pink. For a minute, no one else is in their world and Jinyoung just gazes at Jaebeom with hazy drunk eyes and thinks he might like to run away where nothing matters, as long as Jaebeom is with him.

But he snaps out of that rather quickly, his drunk brain running wild and in his moment of sobriety, Jaebeom grins at him as if he’s not having a crisis and asks if he wants another drink.

“I’m fine,” Jinyoung answers, shaking his head. “I’ll finish yours if you don’t.”

“You’ll probably have to.” Jaebeom orders a jack and coke so it’s easier to go down. Getting back to the dancefloor with a drink in his hand is a little harder than one might think, especially since Jaebeom is trying to drink it while he’s walking.

“God, just wait a second,” Jinyoung scolds, holding Jaebeom by the waist so no one runs into him, since a few people are rushing to the bar for last call. Jaebeom goes willingly to him, his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders and by the time he pulls away from his glass to smile in thanks at Jinyoung, half of his drink is already gone.

“Slow down,” Jinyoung sighs but Jaebeom just grins at him, dopey and dumb.

“You want the rest?” he asks, holding the drink up and laughs when Jinyoung grimaces at it but agrees, opening his mouth. Jaebeom snorts again but holds the drink steady, watching him closely.

“Take it back,” Jinyoung says in a rush once he’s done, against the bite of the whiskey in his throat. The coke helps but Jinyoung is truly not a whiskey fan.

Jaebeom nods but instead of pulling away, he leans back in Jinyoung’s hold and puts his glass on a random standing table and giggles when Jinyoung stares at him in shock. “Who cares! Don’t get up my ass. But let’s go before I… break my ankle.”

“Are you that drunk?” Jinyoung can’t help but ask because Jaebeom seems tipsy at best - nothing like the couples that stumble through Jinyoung’s apartment floor after a long night out.

But Jaebeom shakes his head, his fingers drawing circles in Jinyoung’s shoulder. “No, but I don’t want to be here anymore. So come with me?”

“Okay,” Jinyoung agrees, smiling when Jaebeom does, drawing away from him. He takes Jinyoung’s hand to lead him out of the bar as if he needs to be guided. He doesn’t complain though, not even when Jaebeom is walking down the darkened street, dancing to the music that plays from Jinyoung’s phone.

A fairytale is what he’s living, watching Jaebeom walk across the empty streets, dancing as best as he can with another half of Jack and coke in his blood. Jinyoung catches up to him, jumping in whatever puddles are in the potholes and Jaebeom’s laugh is wonderful, especially when he throws his head back.

Jinyoung hangs back after a while, keeping to himself as he plays the music and Jaebeom walks back to him, taking his phone from him. Jinyoung watches and covers his mouth as he snorts, leaning back and away from him. “What the hell is  _ low-fi beats to fuck your wife to? _ ”

“It’s not my playlist!” Jaebeom retorts, smacking him in the chest. The flush on his face is beautiful. “I like slow music. Not… ballads or whatever. But those are nice.”

“I like ballads.”

Jaebeom hums, watching his feet as he walks. “You seem like you would. You have a pretty voice. A regal man.”

Jinyoung huffs a laugh and blames his blush on the alcohol in his system. “Then what are you, if I’m regal?”

Jaebeom links their arms together, stifling a yawn with his hand. “I’m… I like to think I’m a prince. We can be princes together.”

Jinyoung can agree with that. He doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t need to and he slips his hands into his pockets to keep them to himself. He’s normally a pretty affectionate person (Wonpil knows that, as do the kids at work) so he absolutely doesn’t mind when Jaebeom leans his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder when they sit on the curb, waiting for an uber.

“It’s late,” Jaebeom whispers, shivering a little. “Thank you for coming out with me.” 

Jinyoung feels warm despite the bite of the night air, especially with Jaebeom hanging off his arm. “No need to thank me. Thank you for inviting me.”

Jaebeom lifts his hand to flick his blonde bangs out of his eyes. “I hope… I hope it’s not weird.” He finally looks at Jinyoung, their arms still linked and Jinyoung shakes his head. “I’ve had Mark in my life for so long that I don’t really know how to make friends. Everything’s been crazy and I… I’m grateful that you understand the stuff I’m going through. I’m grateful that you want to be my friend.”

The words hang between them but not heavily. It’s just nice to hear and Jinyoung smiles softly. “I’m grateful you share it with me,” he responds gently, peering at him. 

Jaebeom smiles too, his eyes scrunching up and Jinyoung truly is screwed. It’s not even funny anymore because Jaebeom is close to him, wanting to have a friendship with him and Jinyoung can do nothing but want the same if it means Jaebeom will look at him like this, like he’s the only thing in the world.

“Share your life with me,” Jaebeom whispers, leaning his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder again. “When you want to. Tell me something easy now?”

Jinyoung chuckles. “I have two sisters.”

“You’re the youngest?”

“Yeah, I’m the Yugyeom of my family.”

Jaebeom snorts, hiding his face in his jacket. He shakes his head, his nose brushing against Jinyoung’s sleeve and they both laugh for a little while, soft and comfortable in the middle of the night. An uber won’t come for a while and it’s only for Jaebeom so that Jinyoung can make sure he gets home safe. He’ll leave after.

The car headlights make Jinyoung squint as it comes around the corner, holding up his hand to block the light. He feels like a celebrity, caught in some kind of a scandal but Jaebeom groans at the thought of having to get up. Their night has to come to an end sooner or later and it seems that reality is catching up with them faster than they thought.

Jaebeom stands up, drawing away from Jinyoung. “I’ll see you next week?” he says, looking down at him with bright eyes. “I want to be your friend.”

Jinyoung stares up at him, right as the uber pulls up to the curb. “You’re already my friend,” he admits, hurting himself but it’s worth it because Jaebeom grins at him and helps him up, shaking his hand in the process.

“Thank you for coming out with me,” he says again and Jinyoung nods, offering a small smile. “Text me when you get home and I’ll do the same.”

Jinyoung watches him pull away and hop into the uber, chatting with the driver. He quickly waves when Jinyoung does. Jinyoung presses his fingers to the window as the car draws away, watching it turn the corner and out of view. Jinyoung already called an uber for himself and he’s soon inside the car, fiddling with his phone out of nerves as the day slowly chases him home.

“Fun night?” the driver asks, as Jinyoung watches the buildings pass by in hopes it will calm him down.

He laughs once, letting his feelings settle in his stomach and colour him from the inside out. “Yeah, you could say that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you again for reading i promise this pining will be worth it <3


	6. six

It feels like he’s been dreaming this whole time.

The first thing Jinyoung does when he wakes up is check his phone. He sees the message from Jaebeom that confirms that he got home safe and he remembers checking it before he fell asleep. Last night was not a dream and as he replays everything in his mind, Jinyoung can’t help the smile that creeps up on his face.

He draws his legs up and covers his face, embarrassed by his own antics because it’s been a long time since a guy has made him feel this  _ soft _ . Is he in high school, fawning over his upperclassman crush because he was nice to Jinyoung and sat next to him on the bus? It’s ridiculous how easily Jinyoung is able to fall for someone.

When he was younger, he would feel shame in this indulgence. It took too long for him to accept his attraction to men and while he’s long past beating himself up for it, sometimes he thinks it’s ridiculous to feel this way. No one is going to be there when he crashes and burns - well, Wonpil will be because he always is when Jinyoung gets dumped but that doesn’t mean Jinyoung wants him to be.

This is Jinyoung’s problem to deal with and he already knew that. And yet, it somehow hurts to think about Jaebeom as a  _ problem.  _ He’s so far from it and Jinyoung, as he sees it now, knows he won’t get over someone like Jaebeom by being his friend. These feelings won’t go away unless he makes the effort to stop them.

_ “Jinyoungie, you can’t fall for every guy you meet just because he’s nice.” _

Jinyoung knows to listen to his sisters when they tell him things like this. After all, they’re the ones who snagged beautiful guys with hearts of gold that would make a golden retriever feel shame. They knows what it’s like to date shitty guys that don’t care about them unless it’s sex.

Jinyoung thought he knew a lot about bad guys from just watching his sisters come home crying after their so-called boyfriends left them crying. Jinyoung’s been there for every single breakup, every single late night spent over the phone when his sisters needed someone to talk to while they packed their things and moved back home for the time being.

Jinyoung knows too much about shitty guys and not enough about nice guys.

His sisters and their boyfriends have taught him very little. Jinyoung was too cautious of them to really have a lasting impression because he pulled the whole tough guy act and sadly never dropped it. He’s lucky those boyfriends have never acted up or Jinyoung wouldn’t have been waiting by the phone for his sisters to call - he’d be in the car driving, ready to swing.

But nice guys don’t come by often. Jinyoung knows this from experience since his last relationship was not unlike the ones he’s been comforting his sisters over. It was all sex with no intimacy, kisses on the cheek in goodbye but never to say hello. Jinyoung isn’t even sure if he’d call it a relationship - the only reason he’s confused is because the guy left his stuff everywhere that it felt like they were living together by the end of it.

But Jinyoung knows that’s not Jaebeom at all. He knows he’s a nice guy and that’s the fucking kicker. That no matter how much Jinyoung tries to deny it, Jaebeom is completely his type and not an asshole. Not once has he made Jinyoung feel inferior or out of place, like this is all a game to him. Sure, there’s some mixed signals but Jinyoung knows it’s not on purpose and that’s what is getting his hopes up.

Because no matter what Jinyoung does, he can’t find a way to get out of this where he can just be angry at Jaebeom or cut him off and move on. It doesn’t matter where they end up - Jinyoung will be reminded of Jaebeom for days and weeks to come. He can’t cut him off - Yugyeom will still see him everyday or worse -  _ Mark _ will confront him.

All that including the fact that Jinyoung cannot rationalise hurting Jaebeom in the process.

If only he didn’t have feelings for Jaebeom. He wishes he could just turn them off, swallow them down and get rid of them. Ignoring them isn’t working anymore and addressing them is getting him nowhere. He knows he won’t get over them no matter what he does.

Park Jinyoung falls in love too easily and doesn’t fall out of love easy enough.

Because that’s what this is. It’s love and Jinyoung can barely stomach the concept when he finally lets himself realise it. It’s not a cute little crush that he can laugh about later. It’s scaring him because he knows that whoever else comes along in his life won’t get his best unless he gets the fuck over Im Jaebeom.

It’s a lot to conclude at ten o’clock in the morning on a Saturday but it’s better that he addresses it now than not at all. Jinyoung’s strategy isn’t working anymore - the whole  _ ignore and be friendly _ tactic - which means he needs to make a decision.

His happiness at the cost of Jaebeom’s friendship or his heartbreak but eventual healing at the cost of losing Jaebeom.

Jinyoung can’t cut him off completely and even if he wanted to, he wouldn’t. He’s not that strong. But he knows that distance makes the heart grow fonder and eventually, he will forget. Everything is temporary and falling for a straight guy wasn’t how he planned to spend his time but it’s too late to turn back now. The only thing he can do is move on and try to be okay in the long run.

Jinyoung sighs, rubbing his eyes as if that will make sense of anything. There’s nothing he can do right now, aside from making some breakfast and drinking some water so he doesn’t pass out.

_ “It doesn’t matter who you’re with, so long as you’re happy.” _

But doesn’t Jaebeom make him happy?

_ “Don’t sacrifice your happiness for someone else, though.” _

Jinyoung has always been taught to listen to his sisters. They’re older than him and certainly know more when it comes to men.

And yet, Jinyoung still feels so helpless.

His phone vibrates with a message, one from Jaebeom that thanks him for last night and that they should do it again sometime. Jinyoung responds with a smiley face and says nothing else. He hopes it will be his last message to him but he knows it won’t be.

He’s not strong enough for that.

  
  


***

“Stare any harder at that wall and it’ll burst into flames.”

Jinyoung jumps at Wonpil’s voice, his stomach jolting with the shock. He feels like vomiting but Wonpil blinks at him in surprise, confused. “Hey, I was joking,” he says quietly, keeping his hands to himself but it’s obvious he wants to hold him.

“I’m fine,” Jinyoung manages but it doesn’t work, considering that Wonpil is in his face already, gazing at him in concern. “Wonpil, seriously… I’m fine.”

Wonpil shakes his head, slipping his arms around Jinyoung’s shoulders. “Stop lying to me,” he whispers, threading his fingers through Jinyoung’s hair. “What’s the issue?”

“The kids are coming,” he mumbles, squeezing Wonpil quickly before drawing away. He doesn’t push him away because that’s rude but Wonpil still sighs. There’s no room to catch up because Youngjae is first through the door with Younghyun following him, smiling down at him. They’re not related, but family friends. Jinyoung could almost believe they’re brothers, just like Yugyeom and Jaebeom.

“I wasn’t going to come in,” he says as Youngjae hangs up his bag. “But Wonpil called me. Go home, Jinyoung.” Youngjae stomps over to them, taking Younghyun’s hand and tries to pull him away but the older man tuts at him, shaking their joined hands. “Let me convince Jinyoung to go home and I’ll come play with you.”

Youngjae pouts but agrees, slinking away to grab out the magnetic blocks before Jackson will steal it from him. Wonpil decides it’d be best to join him since the boy doesn’t seem like he wants to eat this morning.

Jinyoung blinks at his coworkers and isn’t sure if he loves or hates them. The way they effortlessly work around him when he’s being difficult is a good thing but not at all flattering for him. “I’m seriously fine?” he questions, frowning. “It’s a Monday. So what if I’m a little off?”

Younghyun lifts an eyebrow at him. He doesn’t buy it at all and having Youngjae as a regular in his life has built his tolerance for bullshit up considerably. “Fine. But if you’re still out of it by the end of this shift, you’re not coming in this afternoon. You look like shit and I’ll bet you don’t feel any better.”

_ Because I barely slept _ but there’s no way in hell Jinyoung is admitting to that, especially in front of Younghyun. “I’ll stay in the kitchen,” he mumbles. Younghyun mocks him but only because he knows best (he’s the eldest for a reason) and pats his shoulder when Jinyoung sulks past him.

He opts to stay in the kitchen for two reasons: in case he falls asleep and in case Jaebeom tries to talk to him. It’s not that he’s afraid but his mind is nowhere near on his side to form a proper conversation that will hide his feelings. He needs an excuse to be alone and though he’s going to want to run out and hug Jaebeom when he shows up, he can’t.

The night they spent together truly was a dream. It’s been two days but it feels like Jinyoung doesn’t even exist in the same reality as the night he spent with Jaebeom. It was incredible and lovely but it exists somewhere he can never touch again and he doesn’t know what to do. Is he selfish for wanting to keep the veil of innocence around them? If he sees Jaebeom, will the thin glass that separates them from the fantasy shatter?

The anticipation that’s crawling in his gut is doing nothing for him besides making his stomach churn even worse. He’s lucky because Jackson comes in next and distracts him for a while because he asks to eat even though he never usually does. 

“It’s because you’re serving!” he says as he sits down in the kitchen and Jinyoung can’t be hurting when Jackson smiles at him like that.

“Youngjae plays with you, right?” Jinyoung asks when he puts Jackson’s toast in. The little boy nods, grinning at him with his wide gap. “Do him and Yugyeom get along better?”

Jacksons frowns, taking some time to think and it’s adorable. His big eyebrows pull together and he makes a so-so gesture. “Well, I think? Yugyeomie hasn’t taken his glasses again.”

“So you knew about that?”

“Bambam tells me everything. Him and Chan are close with Yugyeom, and Eunwoo too!”

“Who are you close with, Sseun?”

That gets Jackson going  _ immediately _ . He rattles off all his friends - starting with Jooheon, with Namjoon known in the middle as well as someone named Yixing two grades above him? And Jinyoung lets him talk because it calms both of them down. He knows Jackson loves to talk, especially about his friends and Jinyoung loves to listen to the kids so it’s a win win.

“Who are your friends?” Jackson asks before Jinyoung can address the sudden silence from him.

“Wonpil, of course,” Jinyoung answers, handing him his toast. “And Younghyun-hyung.”

“Yugyeomie says you hang out with his hyung a lot.”

Jinyoung huffs a small laugh, mainly from the way that sentence just suckerpunched him. “Yes you could say his hyung and I are friends.”

“Yugyeomie really likes you.”

Jinyoung looks over his shoulder from where he’s making coffee, winking at Jackson just in case his smile isn’t convincing. “Eat your food, Sseun. You don’t want Jooheon playing alone, do you?”

Jackson becomes very determined at that but still eats his food sensibly, managing to get jam all over his face. He does finish his food and chugs down his juice which makes Jinyoung grimace. He catches Jackson around the waist before he can sprint out of the kitchen once he’s done, tutting at his face. Jooheon whines when he sees his best friend being carried over Jinyoung’s shoulder, his face freshly cleaned. It’s almost a normal morning.

Jinyoung sets Jackson down even though he’s way too big to be carried like that. He laughs when Jooheon claps and Jackson huffs at the both of them, reaching across the table to grab at a blue marker Jooheon was just using.

“Seeing you like this is a full one eighty.”

Jinyoung startles at Jaebeom’s voice, whirling around only to blink at him. So much for staying in the kitchen. Wonpil is in the corner of the room with Youngjae, helping him to spell something and when he sees Jaebeom, he seems to understand Jinyoung’s issue.

But Jaebeom’s expression changes as he lets Yugyeom go to hang up his bag. All of his hair is tied back and what doesn’t make it into the ponytail is bobby pinned away. Jinyoung is really going to miss that.

“You didn’t sleep well?” Jaebeom asks, his hand coming up to touch Jinyoung’s cheek but he must recognise where they are, his hand clenching up. He settles for softly knocking his knuckles against Jinyoung’s chest, his eyes soft. 

Now, Jinyoung doesn’t have time to unpack all of  _ that _ so he doesn’t. “No,” he says quietly, wanting there to be no one in the room suddenly because he’s selfish and wants Jaebeom all to himself. “But I’ll survive. I always do.”

“Don’t push yourself,” Jaebeom tells him, giving him a smile that makes Jinyoung’s heart soar. “I’ll show up at your apartment this time if you don’t get some sleep tonight. I made it easy for you ‘cause Yugyeom’s had a good morning.” He waves to his brother who quickly nods to him before plopping down next to Jooheon, watching the older boy make a drawing for his sister.

Jinyoung smiles at Yugyeom, just so he doesn’t have to look at Jaebeom. How is it that just  _ seeing _ him has reignited everything he’s been trying to ignore? Jaebeom doesn’t seem to notice anything wrong with him which he’s grateful for (improv acting classes in college really did pay off).

“I’ll see you this afternoon?” Jaebeom asks and Jinyoung just hums, eyes elsewhere. If he meets Jaebeom’s eyes, he’ll fall in love with him all over again and the first time around has already been bad enough so he doesn’t need round two of his own torturous feelings. Maybe him being tired will excuse the boring reply. 

“Sure,” he manages weakly when Jaebeom lingers a touch too long.

But Jaebeom leaves without another word, nodding to Younghyun at the door. The older man returns the greeting but sticks his head out of the door to make sure Jaebeom is actually leaving. The conversation could have gone a lot worse (Jinyoung’s not a cryer but emotional stress isn’t anyone’s best friend) and he’s surprisingly okay but he knows it won’t last. 

It seems Wonpil knows it too, from the way he materialises at Jinyoung’s shoulder and stares at him. “Don’t come this afternoon,” he says quietly and Jinyoung sighs, shooting him an apologetic glance. He should explain but Wonpil shakes his head, a soft smile on his lips that just means reassurance. “You don’t need to explain. Just get your head on right and come back to me.”

Jinyoung doesn’t want to skip work but once Wonpil has made up his mind, he can be as stubborn as Jinyoung. “Okay,” he agrees, sighing. He supposes that’s why they get along so well - they’re both as stubborn as each other but don’t argue.

Wonpil pats his shoulder, pouting just a little in sympathy. “I love you and I don’t want you to feel like this.”

Jinyoung huffs a laugh at him and pats at his cheek, grateful for the love that Wonpil always gives him. “I love you too.”

Younghyun handles the morning announcements and Jinyoung can’t leave early because Jackson crawls into his lap on the floor and stays there. It does make him feel a little bit better, as if Jackson can feel that he’s upset just from his demeanor. Something’s clearly bothering him and Jackson throws his legs out, slumping into Jinyoung’s chest to make himself comfortable and Jinyoung chuckles at him, happy to be distracted.

It’s almost funny how a nine year old can tell he’s not doing so hot when the cause of his problems, a twenty-six year old adult man, didn’t spare him much of a second though. Not that Jinyoung really wanted to be confronted- Okay, maybe he can’t complain about said twenty-six year old.

If he’s not coming in this afternoon then he’ll have all the time in the world to rethink everything about himself and freak himself out at home. Only time will accelerate his wounds and heal them simultaneously. He just has to put it into effect and hope that his anguish passes quickly.

It seems that just seeing Jaebeom is enough to make him spiral.

  
  


***

_ Wonpil [13:44] _

ur abt to leave so don’t bother

i know everything abt u lol

have some tea and have a nap

if you come to work ill deck u

  
  


_ Park Jinyoung [13:45] _

You’re my life saviour aren’t you

I love you

_ Wonpil [13:46] _

mhm love you too

drink the tea i gave u a couple weeks back

ill see you tomorrow

<3

  
  


Jinyoung rubs his face and decides Wonpil is right. A cup of tea sounds pretty good right now. What he doesn’t think about is how similar Wonpil’s texts are to Jaebeom’s. He refuses to open Jaebeom’s inbox just in case he gets lost in it. They haven’t texted that much but Jinyoung knows he’ll fall back into the little things and won’t ever get out.

He wonders when he got this bad with his own fanfiction-esque feelings but he knows for a fact that he’s always fallen quick for guys. That’s something he’s always known and thus had to live with but he didn’t think it’d get this bad.

Jinyoung isn’t a stranger to crushing on straight guys. He can’t help who he’s attracted to and the trope of being in love with your best friend when you’re gay is something he knows too intimately. Not that Jaebeom is his best friend but- whatever.

Jinyoung decides it’s only best if he does some planning for activities that he could do with some of the children and calls it a quiet night. Maybe he’ll order some Thai food for a cheat day, since he’s not really in the mood to cook right now.

After a few hours of researching, planning and noting down what he needs to buy to run special activities within the program like cooking and baking for the kids, Wonpil texts him again. It’s a simple text, telling Jinyoung that the afternoon went well but he was missed. Jinyoung smiles when he reads that Yugyeom wanted to do some reading with him.

_ Another time, _ he responds and Wonpil sends him a thumbs up. There’s no mention of Jaebeom which isn’t surprising - Wonpil wouldn’t have told him anything unless it was serious, so Jaebeom must not have said anything important. Either that or he did say something but Wonpil knows it will make Jinyoung spiral so he kept his mouth shut.

Jinyoung wanted that - wanted Jaebeom to leave him alone. So why does he feel so defeated? The back and forth of his heart and brain are driving him insane at this point and it’s only been two days since he made the decision to be distant so why is it so difficult already? This is what he wanted. Why is he wishing Jaebeom will talk about him, text him,  _ call him? _

Maybe because he’s in love with him but that can’t be it. No, that’s not right. Not a chance. Jinyoung closes his eyes and resists the urge to slap himself in the face.

His Thai food shows up but he barely tastes it when he eats it. The endless battle he’s facing of wanting to be loved and wanting to be left alone is weighing on him even though it’s something he’s struggled with for such a long time. He should be used to it by now, right? He’s going to go insane by the end of this week - if he even gets that far without texting Jaebeom.

“Fuck, I’m stupid,” Jinyoung breathes, shaking his head as he fiddles with a spring roll, trying to decide if he wants to keep eating. He drops the spring roll into the container and packs up his stuff, opting to send his ideas to Wonpil and go to bed.

_ I’ll grab some stuff too,  _ Wonpil responds and Jinyoung sighs, locking his phone. He falls on his bed and doesn’t bother to tuck himself in. His mind is exhausted - there’s no point in exhausting his body too. He has work tomorrow so sleeping early is good to let him catch up.

He’s asleep in seconds which he’s grateful for, slipping into a dreamless slumber.

  
  


***

Jinyoung wakes up to the sound of his phone but it’s not his alarm clock. For a moment, he doesn’t do anything, laying there as if he’ll fall back asleep if he manifests it hard enough but he eventually rolls over and checks his phone.

It’s Wonpil and he answers in a panic, trying to check the time. “Wonpil, fuck- Did I sleep in?”

_ “No, it’s six o’clock in the morning,”  _ his friend replies, huffing a small laugh that allows Jinyoung’s heart to stop beating out of his chest.  _ “I’m calling to see if you’re feeling okay. Do you still want to come here?” _

Jinyoung’s heart slowly relaxes and his breath hitches in his chest on a sharp exhale. “Y-Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just… I’m fine.”

Wonpil hums.  _ “If you’re sure then I’ll be seeing you. Younghyun-hyung is coming in too to help so don’t stress about everything for once.” _

Jinyoung chuckles, rubbing the sleep out of one eye. “Yeah, I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks, Wonpil. Seriously.” 

_ “Whatever you’re going through, I hope you beat it,” _ Wonpil says quietly, with enough confidence to make Jinyoung want to blurt it all out for everyone to know.  _ “You’re strong, Jinyoung. I’ll be here if you need me.” _

“I love you,” Jinyoung whispers, hiding his eyes behind his hand. He doesn’t know how much Wonpil has picked up on but it’s enough to be worried so Jinyoung can only be grateful. If he’s not grateful, he’ll be embarrassed and he;s not in the mood for that.

_ “Love you too,” _ Wonpil replies, his smile clear in his voice. They hang up and Jinyoung stands even though he desperately wants to go back to sleep but he has work. That and he did say he should read with Yugyeom.

Wonpil isn’t forcing him per se but he does make Jinyoung stay in the room for the morning. “You have to talk to parents,” he says even though they both know that’s not the reason. He can’t avoid Jaebeom forever and even Wonpil knows that which is saying something. He has to pull himself away from everything and get a grip.

And just his luck, Yugyeom is the first through the door for the morning but it’s Mark who’s dropping him off this time. Jinyoung really isn’t sure if the universe is on his side or not by giving him Mark this morning but he’ll take what he can get. Jinyoung is rewarded with a hug from Yugyeom that he smiles at and Mark ducks his head at him, gesturing for him to come closer.

Jinyoung lets Yugyeom go, stepping over to Mark. “Haven’t seen you in a while,” Mark greets, shooting him a grin. “You okay?”

“Why would I not be?” Jinyoung retorts, lying through his teeth. “How are you?”

“Yeah, I’m alright,” Mark huffs, leaning against the door frame. “Busy. Jaebeom’s in the middle of planning to move.”

Jinyoung blinks and that seems to give Mark the answer he wanted to an unspoken question. “You didn’t know that, did you?” he asks softly, no ounce of attack in his tone but Jinyoung still feels guilty. “He likes seeing you, Jinyoung.”

“I like seeing him too,” he says before he can stop himself and Mark rubs his shoulder, smiling softly. 

“I might pick Yugyeom up a bit more often while Jaebeom is moving. That okay?”

Jinyoung steps away from him because he doesn't think he can take much more of whatever's going in his head right now. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

Mark doesn’t question it, his hand dropping to his side. “I’ll be seeing you.” he hums and pulls away completely, waving sweetly at Yugyeom who pokes his tongue out at him. 

“Can we read?” Yugyeom asks before Jinyoung can be busy, crawling over to the reading corner. Jinyoung follows him and Yugyeom curls up next to him after he hands Jinyoung a book. He’s read it before but not with Yugyeom so he clears his throat and tries not to think about Mark’s supply of information.

Nothing else happens and Jinyoung should be happy for the dramaless morning and afternoon, Mark grabbing Yugyeom instead of Jaebeom but he feels like an idiot for feeling guilty that he’s not in the loop with everything. He supposes there isn’t much he can do without fucking up his plan to distance.

Jaebeom is busy. He’s not thinking of Jinyoung right now which is what he  _ wanted _ so why is he being so pathetic?  _ Get over it, Jinyoung _ . 

Another night, another time to beg for a dreamless sleep. But, even in his sleep, he can’t get away from his subconscious feelings that taunt him with blonde hair and lip rings.

  
  


***

It’s a week and a half before Jinyoung finally cracks. 

It doesn’t take much at all and it’s not even him that’s sending a text message or calling Jaebeom in a fit of desperation. He almost believed his life was back to his same routine of falling in love with strangers on the street for a few seconds before he snapped back into reality but alas. Jinyoung is not the universe’s favourite but then again, he never claimed to be.

But like he predicted, when Jaebeom finally texts him a week and a half after their initial meet up, Jinyoung comes crawling back. He, admittedly, doesn’t even send the message but he can’t stop his heart from beating faster when he sees  _ JB HYUNG  _ in his lockscreen notifications.

  
  


_ JB HYUNG [21:36] _

hey !

u didn’t say anything for the past week…

well ive been busy too so it’s my fault too lol

but how are u 

  
  


_ Park Jinyoung [21:37] _

Mark-hyung told me you’re moving

So I understand

I’ve been working so just busy

How are you?

  
  


It feels so dry but Jinyoung is just glad he’s talking to Jaebeom again. He doesn’t go any deeper because he doesn’t know where he’ll end up if he thinks too hard.

  
  


_ JB HYUNG [21:40] _

ahh yeh fair

and yeh, gyeom and i are moving

taking a lot longer than i thought lol

but only bc gyeom is small so there’s a lot more to handle

_ Park Jinyoung [21:51] _

That’s good

I hope it’s not stressful for you or Yugyeom

  
  


_ JB HYUNG [21:42] _

yeh hah ill send the address when we move in

come 2 think of it i dont have ur address

mayb we can hang out again soon ?

  
  


Jinyoung’s breath hitches. He should end it here, let it all go before Jaebeom can break any further into his heart. He’s ashamed but he answers Jaebeom while trying not to give himself a headache. He sends his address and ends the conversation before Jaebeom can convince him to spill his guts.

  
  


_ JB HYUNG [21:52] _

ill see you soon :)

  
  


Jinyoung doesn’t respond. 

He doesn’t need this right now. He might as well be halfway deep into planning to run away.

He wonders when he’s going to give up but settles for going to bed before he ends up calling Jaebeom and losing his mind. Jaebeom already did that and while it ended well for the two of them, it’s not something Jinyoung needs to repeat.

That, and he’s always been good with bottling up his feelings.

  
  


***

  
  


They don’t talk for another week before it physically starts to hurt.

Jinyoung is running circles around himself and it’s honestly getting annoying. He can’t stop thinking about Jaebeom and keeps seeing him at work even though he tries to avoid him. Surely the older has noticed his stupidity but Jinyoung is too far gone to address it. Honestly it’d be out of line to address it at all by now.

He’s constantly nervous when Jaebeom is around and what finally snaps him out of his own world is Yugyeom, surprisingly. Jinyoung was able to avoid Jaebeom this morning, a parent phoning him when the older man showed up with Yugyeom. Maybe the universe is on his side this time.

“Sorry,” he mouthed to Jaebeom and the elder just nodded, giving him a weird smile. It was awkward but better than Jinyoung having to force conversation that he doesn’t have the mental energy for.

Yugyeom has been staring at him all morning, despite Jinyoung's attempts to keep busy. Bambam has been talking his ear off but Yugyeom hasn’t spoken a word to him. When Jinyoung meets his gaze and waves, Yugyeom stands up and finally confronts him. Bambam watches him go with wide eyes, but immediately after Youngjae appears to show him his Lego build from home.

Yugyeom walks up to him, almost nose to nose with Jinyoung. “Do you hate my hyung?” he says quietly. From the angle Jinyoung is sitting, he has to look up at the kid. “Please don’t lie.”

Jinyoung blinks at him, leaning back to gain some distance between them. “No, I- Not at all, Yugyeom. I…” How the fuck is he supposed to respond to this? “Your hyung and I are busy, so it’s… It’s just a strange time right now.”

Yugyeom watches him for a second before he looks down, hurt. “He likes you a lot,” he whispers. “He talks about you because I like you too… I don’t want him to be sad.”

“Why is he sad?” Jinyoung blurts, completely confused. Sure, it’s a little awkward between them since Jinyoung is trying to cut Jaebeom out of his life but... “Yugyeom, what has he told you?” he says seriously, his voice dropping low and Yugyeom looks up at him.

“He said he misses you,” the little boy answers, dead serious as his gaze bores into Jinyoung. “He won’t call you. He doesn’t… He wants to be close.”

“He’s already close.”

“He  _ likes _ you,” Yugyeom stresses, his eyes wide because Jinyoung isn’t getting it. “The way you thought Mark-hyung liked hyung. That’s how he likes you.”

Jinyoung stares at him for a moment too long before it finally clicks. He blinks, looks down, and clicks his tongue. He prays his surprise doesn’t show on his face.

Because his entire world  _ collapses _ . 

There’s no one else in the room besides the two of them. Unfortunately Yugyeom reads his expression, wrapping his arms around Jinyoung’s neck in a hug. Jinyoung takes it, completely shell shocked and has absolutely nothing to hide it with. He shouldn’t believe a child about something like this but Yugyeom knows his hyung better than anyone, doesn’t he?

Yugyeom spends almost every waking minute with Jaebeom - of course he’d know how the older feels about  _ anything _ . But to hear Yugyeom say it, to verbalise the unknown, is making Jinyoung’s head spin more than his own thoughts have in the past two weeks.

“Hyung likes you,” Yugyeom repeats, right into his ear as if he’s afraid Jinyoung won’t understand. “As a friend and other things. Don’t make my hyung sad.”

“I’m not trying to,” Jinyoung breathes, holding him tightly. Wonpil looks at him from across the room, frowning at him but Jinyoung just waves him off, rubbing Yugyeom’s spine. “There’s a lot you don’t understand, Yugyeom… I’m sorry that- That you have to see all of this. Between your hyung and I.”

Yugyeom draws back, his hands on Jinyoung’s face and the two of them smile at each other. “It’s okay. Hyung is stupid sometimes and it’s annoying me.”

Jinyoung laughs, unable to contain himself. “I’ll talk to hyung,” he promises, holding up his pinky. “Don’t tell him anything, okay?”

Yugyeom giggles and takes his pinky, shaking it. “Just don’t hurt him. He’s a sore loser.” 

Jinyoung laughs, pushing Yugyeom’s bangs out of his face and the boy grumbles but lets him. “Growing hair like your hyungie. Ah, so cute, Yugyeomie!” He’s missed Yugyeom, missed this effortless chatter even though Jinyoung never really lost him. 

“Thank you for telling me but don’t tell other people,” Jinyoung says quickly, tapping Yugyeom’s nose. The boy screws up his face but bounces back, listening intently with wide eyes. “This is something very serious and special to people like your hyung and I, okay? It could be bad if other people were to find out. Can you keep a secret for a while?”

“I don’t think it’s bad,” Yugyeom answers and God, Jinyoung wishes everyone was this innocent. “But I can keep a secret. Bambam tells me secrets and I don’t even tell Jaebeom-hyung.”

Jinyoung knows that’s true because Yugyeom wouldn’t have told Jaebeom the Youngjae incident if Jinyoung hadn’t said anything. “And you tell him everything, hm?” he teases and Yugyeom rolls his eyes. “But I’m serious. Telling me is okay, because I know your hyung but I don’t know about other people. We have to protect your hyung, okay?”

Yugyeom nods, looking very determined at the thought of protecting Jaebeom. Jinyoung gives him another pinky promise and watches him dance away, rushing to sit down when Younghyun calls for the morning announcements. 

Younghyun fits in well in Jinyoung’s seat and it makes him realise that maybe he doesn’t need to be so protective of his job. Other people can handle it, as he can clearly see.

“Got anything to add, Jinyoung?” Younghyun asks when it’s all said and done, shooting him a smile. 

Jinyoung leans on the big chair that Younghyun sits in, gazing out across the children. As he lets it all settle, he realises how calm he is. Even after Yugyeom’s bombshell, he feels  _ content _ . 

“I think it’s going to be a good week,” he says and Younghyun hums, leaning over to brush Youngjae’s hair out of his eyes. The boy grimaces at him, shoving his hand away and Yugyeom smiles, glancing at Jinyoung.

“I think it will be too,” Younghyun says, shooting Jinyoung a wink. Jinyoung does the same to Yugyeom who squints at him but nods again, affirming.

The kids leave and just before he leaves the room, Yugyeom turns and winks at him too. Jinyoung can’t help the laugh that escapes him, covering his mouth quickly to keep it to himself. Kids really do know more than they ever let on. Yugyeom seems to be the ringleader of everything, even Jinyoung’s non-existent love life.

It seems Yugyeom is taking care of things behind the scenes because Jinyoung comes home to a text on his phone. At first, he mistakes for Wonpil at first. His stomach drops when he reads Jaebeom's name, his heart speeding up.

  
  


_ JB HYUNG [18:56] _

we need to talk

can i come over?

yugyeom told you something and i need to be an adult

  
  


_ Park Jinyoung [18:57] _

I just got home

So yeah, you can come over

We do need to talk

_ JB HYUNG [19:00] _

sorry it took so long

see you soon

ive got a lot to say

  
  


Jinyoung swallows his pride, closes his eyes and prays that the universe cuts him a break for once in his life. He drops his head back against the hallway wall, his head aching with a dull throb. His heart speeds up and he might throw up but it’s finally happening.

Jinyoung is finally going to talk about his feelings but the scariest part is that he has no idea how this is going to end. Ideally, he gets a boyfriend but is it realistic? What if Yugyeom got it wrong and Jaebeom is at least a decent enough person to tell him in person that he doesn’t reciprocate his feelings?

Jinyoung stands up straight in a rush and takes off his shoes so he’s not caught in the hallway like a fool. Jaebeom doesn’t live far away from him so he could be here any minute. The anticipation makes Jinyoung’s gut clench.

“Okay,” he breathes, puffing out his cheeks. “I… Rinse my face. Yes.” God, he’s so far gone that he’s  _ talking to himself.  _ Honestly, it’s the least of his problems. When he rinses his face, wiping his chin free of dripping water, he stares at himself in the mirror, taking a deep breath.

Jinyoung has no idea how long he stands there staring at himself, trying to comprehend all his thoughts. He’s obviously there for a while because the only thing that snaps him out of his nightmarish reverie is a knock on the door.

It echoes in his apartment, through Jinyoung’s mind and he stands up straight, cracking his knuckles. He can do this. He  _ has _ to do this.

He takes a deep breath, steps through his house like he’s afraid someone will hear him and hesitates at the door. Bracing himself, he grips the doorknob, swallows and pulls his door open.

Jaebeom looks up, wide eyes mirroring each other. His blonde hair is messy, his clothes loose and comfortable. Jinyoung breathes in, breathes out and swallows again, blinking at him.

Is the universe on his side tonight?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this too so long i was working and also had no motivation but we're getting into it now lol  
> sorry for the cliffhanger but i have things planned so don't hate me for too long <3


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buckle up lol there's no warnings for this chapter but very vague homophobic references? no slurs are used tho so maybe just be mindful!

“Jinyoung.”

“Do you want coffee?”

“I want you to sit  _ down _ ,” Jaebeom stresses, glaring at him over the back of the couch. 

Jinyoung stops his hands from where he’s stress preparing for nothing. He rubs his eyes as he takes a deep breath and decides it’s better for him to sit his ass down and  _ listen _ to Jaebeom. 

His heart is beating too fast for comfort but they both know they need to get through in order to move on. It’s better to have an ending than to have a bitter, unsolved energy between them that might not ever go away.

“Come here,” Jaebeom murmurs, watching him cautiously. He pats the space next to him. “Sit down.”

The walk to the couch feels like it could go on forever, the two of them stuck in a neverending pull towards each other but too afraid to catch up. When Jinyoung finally sits down, he keeps his hands on his thighs and his back rigid. Jaebeom notices his fidgeting because it’s kind of hard not to. He clears his throat awkwardly, struggling with how to start the conversation so Jinyoung decides to do it for him.

“Yugyeom told me how you feel,” he says bluntly, hiding any emotion from his voice as he watches the street lights shine through his balcony window. “I’m aware that kids… can make things up, and if you came here to tell me you don’t feel the same way then thank you. But… I have feelings for you and if you leave tonight, expecting us to go back to how we were then I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.”

Jaebeom blinks when Jinyoung finally looks at him, a sharp breath escaping him. “So you  _ have _ been avoiding me?” he asks, as if that’s important right now.

But, Jinyoung still nods. He has to be completely honest here or else he’ll end up hurting himself even more. “It’s not the first time I’ve been in love with a straight man.”

Jaebeom blinks at him, his lips stretching into a smile. “You love me?”

“Was I not clear enough?” Jinyoung snaps, scowling at him. His stomach is churning from the nerves and the butterflies which doesn’t help  _ anyone _ . “Don’t make fun of me. If that’s how you feel then get out. I know when I’m not wanted.”

“Jinyoung,” Jaebeom breathes, his hand reaching out for Jinyoung’s but he snatches it away. If Jaebeom holds his hand, he’ll probably have a panic attack. “Okay, no touching. But can you let me explain myself?”

Jinyoung nods quickly and makes himself as comfortable he can, crossing his legs. Jaebeom takes a breath to prepare himself, ducking his head to avoid Jinyoung’s eyes.

“Okay, so…” Jaebeom clears his throat again and huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “When I fall for someone, I don’t think about much. I don’t think about appearances or whatever. If I like someone then, I like someone. But I’ve… only ever been with women so that’s why I was afraid to accept anything else.”

Jaebeom slumps into the couch, his eyes elsewhere as he tries to collect his thoughts. “When we went out and you talked to Doyoung - that fucking  _ guy _ \- I seriously- I don’t think I’ve ever been so jealous of someone and we’re not even dating. I realised that- that I didn’t want you to… look at anyone else.”

“That’s why you got sulky?” Jinyoung asks, not believing it. It’s too good to be true. Jaebeom  _ couldn't _ like him like that even though both him and Yugyeom have said it already.

But Jaebeom nods, his cheeks pink. “At first I thought- Well, as bad as it sounds, I think I liked the attention because I knew you were gay and I know that’s  _ awful _ and you shouldn’t think that way about someone but I didn’t think you had feelings for me. Mark and I are so close that I just thought it was normal to flirt with your friends and mess around but you started doing it back and I-”

“Jaebeom,” Jinyoung whispers, watching him curiously as everything finally sinks in, his stomach settling like after a tidal wave. He feels exhausted, yet content as he gazes at Jaebeom. “Look at me.”

Jaebeom does, his eyes wide and he takes Jinyoung’s hand when it’s offered. “I… I don’t know how this works. I just know that when you talk to other guys, I get really shitty **.** For a few days, I thought I was homophobic!”

Jinyoung snorts, covering his mouth and Jaebeom laughs too, finally smiling about all of this. “So the last two weeks was an identity crisis for you?” he asks softly, leaning against the back of the couch. Jaebeom does the same, their hands still together.

“I… Look, I’ve never thought about it,” he laughs, shaking his head. “I think Mark always having relationships with anyone he liked made it normal for me. I never thought I could be the same but the more I thought about you, the more it made sense.”

“So what do you want to do?” Jinyoung whispers, their eyes meeting again. Jaebeom’s breath hitches but refuses to think about it. Not now. “If you’re not sure, then that’s okay. But I can’t… forget this.”

Jaebeom shakes his head, his eyes wide. “No, I- I’m okay. I think I’d go insane if I just walk out of here with nothing resolved.”

Jinyoung chuckles, his body relaxing completely just from hearing those words. “That’s what I’ve been doing for the past two weeks. Going insane.”

Jaebeom smiles, his eyes glittering in the harsh light of the lounge room and Jinyoung suddenly wants to kiss him. God, he wants to kiss him. So badly. Now he knows Jaebeom feels the same way he  _ could _ kiss him, but only if he’s ready. Jinyoung is not about to fuck this up when he’s almost there.

“I like you,” Jaebeom says, quietly. “I don’t know much about anything but I know what having feelings for someone feels like and you drive me fucking crazy. I’m sorry it took this long to figure it out.”

Jinyoung smiles, squeezing Jaebeom’s hand. Two weeks really isn’t that long but they don’t need to mention that. “It’s okay. I’m just glad you got here without a breakdown.”

Jaebeom’s face drops and that tells him all he needs to know. “I… may have been whipped into shape by Mark,” he admits sheepishly. “I changed my tinder preferences to see if it was just a one time thing and I was being stupid - I’m not, don’t worry,” he adds when Jinyoung frowns. “And I found Mark’s profile. He said Yugyeom was his son so I thought it was funny but then he caught me and asked how I could see his profile on my own account if I was only interested in women and we… had to have a talk.”

Jinyoung could imagine that going a lot worse so he’s glad Jaebeom has a fairly amusing coming out story. “From one queer man to another?”

Jaebeom rolls his eyes but he’s smiling which is good to see. “Mark was raised where all this is just normal. I mean, I was never told to not be gay or anything but Yugyeom told me what you said to him. It’s safe when you know people who will keep you safe, I guess. So I was afraid of everything.”

That’s another good topic to touch on, even just briefly. “Jaebeom, I’m not asking you to marry me or meet my parents,” he stresses, hoping to get his point across. They don’t have to rush in when Jaebeom has no idea how to handle anything. “If you don’t like something, you can tell me and I  _ will _ respect it. I… I don’t want to rush anything.”

Jaebeom pouts a little and Jinyoung resists the urge to kiss it off his face. “See, why are you so good at this? I half expected you to laugh at me and turn me down because I’m not confident.”

“Has someone done that to you before?”

Jaebeom smiles but it’s forced, his eyes drifting away. “It’s possible.”

Jinyoung squeezes his hand again, reaching up just to encourage Jaebeom to look at him again. “Then all I can be glad for is that they lead me to you. You don’t deserve that - no one does.”

Jaebeom watches him, his eyes searching his face for a lie but he finds nothing, leaning into Jinyoung’s hand. “If I asked you to kiss me, would you do it?”

“If it’s what you wanted.” Jinyoung’s answers are smooth but his heart is hammering in his chest and he feels like he might pass out. But as long as Jaebeom is looking at him like he is right now, it doesn’t matter. “I have something else to say, though.”

Jaebeom nods, giving him some space and Jinyoung sighs, shaking their hands. “I want to… Trust me, I do. But are you sure about this? I would love to help you but I have to be cautious about my own feelings.”

Jaebeom understands, nodding along. “I’m curious but I know that’s selfish. I want to be sure before I... before I do anything but I have thoughts. Can you bear with me?”

The way he says it, no confidence in his tone and trying desperately to hold Jinyoung’s gaze, makes Jinyoung’s heart clench. It’s such a simple thing to request and yet Jaebeom is afraid of what? That Jinyoung won’t agree? “If you have to ask me that,” Jinyoung says slowly, “you have no idea what you do to me. Of course I can wait. There’s no point if you’re not happy because I won’t be either. It has to be equal.”

Jaebeom’s smile is so sweet, his cheeks flushed and beautiful. He hides his face behind his hands, shy. It makes Jinyoung’s heart sing. “I know I like you,” he says timidly. “I’m certain of that.”

“I’m your test drive,” Jinyoung answers but Jaebeom doesn’t quite understand, peeking out from behind his hands. “It’s like when you think you might be queer or whatever and want to experiment and the person you’re with knows there’s no strings attached if it doesn’t work out. Like a healthy exchange of understanding sexuality and preference.”

“Like kink negotiation?” Jaebeom retorts, still frowning.

Jinyoung pulls a face. “Kind of? Test driving specifically means having sex with someone in order to experience it and then make a decision. So for a lot of people, their first queer experience could be a test drive before they officially come to terms with how they feel.”

Jaebeom nods slowly, still processing but he seems to understand. “So this could be a test drive? I’m really certain I like you but I… I’ve never been with a man.”

Jinyoung can’t help but smile. “If you’re certain that you like me, then that’s all I need. Don’t think about everything else and we can just go slow. Dating a man is a really different experience but it doesn’t have to be confusing or foreign, I promise.”

Jaebeom hums and his smile is the green light Jinyoung needs to know that this is all okay, that this isn’t a one time thing they’ll both try and forget when the night is over.

“Then,” Jaebeom says suddenly, “can I ask you to kiss me once? I’ve kissed Mark before if you can call the weed incident kissing but I just want to know- It won’t be bad, I know it won’t-”

“Jaebeom,” Jinyoung breathes and the older man shuts up, pressing his lips together. “You’re sure?”

It might hurt his heart later, if this doesn’t work out, but that’s an  _ if _ but Jinyoung can’t base his life on ifs. He wants to know what it’s like to kiss Jaebeom too so he’ll only be kicking himself later if he doesn’t try just once, if it came to that.

Jaebeom nods in response. “I’m sure,” he whispers and inches forward, untangling his fingers from Jinyoung's hands to thread them through his hair. Jinyoung just watches him, letting him set the pace but Jaebeom doesn’t move forward, nervous.

So, Jinyoung does it for him, wrapping his arms around his middle. He pulls Jaebeom to his chest, the older looking down at him so that he can pull away if he feels uncomfortable. Jaebeom straddles his thighs eagerly, his eyes wide. 

“Kiss me,” he whispers and Jinyoung hums.

All he can do is kiss him, keeping his hands on his spine to not instigate anything. Jaebeom sighs, his fingers tightening in Jinyoung’s hair as he shifts, tilting his head to get leverage. It stays innocent because Jinyoung doesn’t want to force anything in case Jaebeom isn't ready.

What’s good is that even when Jinyoung pulls away, Jaebeom chases him, not ready for it to be over. If he was only curious at first, he’s definitely certain now which is a good sign for both of them. Jaebeom leans closer to him again, tugging on his hair softly. 

Jinyoung tilts his head when Jaebeom kisses him again and lets him lick into his mouth. He doesn't push further, letting Jaebeom control the pace. He gets to decide what he wants to do, what he’s comfortable with. Jinyoung will come along for the ride.

But, Jinyoung feels something hard press against the roof of his mouth, confusing him. He pulls back, staring at the older man. “What is in your mouth?” he blurts out stupidly, making Jaebeom blink before he sticks his tongue out, a plain black stud in the flesh that Jinyoung didn't even know about. He doesn’t know how he missed it since it’s very much  _ there _ when Jaebeom speaks.

“You didn’t know?” he says with his tongue still out and Jinyoung laughs, his eyes wide in disbelief. He puts his tongue away, thank God and smiles. “I’ve had it this whole time. I thought you knew.”

“Yeah, I’ve been avoiding looking at your mouth.”

“Your loss,” Jaebeom retorts, sticking his tongue out again. Somehow that piercing makes them both realise what they’re doing, dissolving into fits of giggles as Jinyoung covers his mouth, positive he won’t forget the feeling of the black bar along his own tongue. 

They don’t kiss again, needing to take it slow. Jaebeom leans his forehead against Jinyoung’s, his eyes slipping closed. “Okay,” he breathes into the space between them. Jinyoung feels his words across his lips. “That answers that.”

That doesn’t sound good but Jinyoung is on cloud nine so he only snorts. “Answers what?”

“What it’s like to kiss a boy,” Jaebeom smiles, his fingers carding through Jinyoung’s hair. “Not something I thought about seriously until I met you and I’ve been curious for a while, but I like it.” Jaebeom’s eyes flit away for a second. “That being said, I’ve never been with a man,” he says cautiously, even though Jinyoung already knew that. “But I can’t imagine that it’s that different from dating a woman? So just… Can we take it slow? Not that we’re dating-”

Jinyoung smiles, rubbing their noses together and Jaebeom laughs breathlessly, returning the smile. “I can do that. Whatever you need, I’ll try my best. Are you going to go home? I’m assuming Mark-hyung is with Yugyeom.”

Jaebeom hums, cupping Jinyoung’s face. “Yeah, but I’ll still go home. Not now, though. Unless you want me to.”

“I can make us dinner?”

Jaebeom presses his cheek to Jinyoung’s, soft. “You’re cute. Used to my piercing yet?”

“You’re insane,” Jinyoung hisses, nudging him off his lap. “Sit here and look pretty while I make dinner. Or you can help, I don’t mind.” Jaebeom hops off him, slumping into the couch. He watches Jinyoung stand up before following him, only to jump onto the counter and sit down.

Jinyoung pulls out a cutting board, placing it next to where Jaebeom sits. “Sitting here?” he asks and Jaebeom smiles at him.

“You told me to look pretty.,” he answers, tucking his hair behind his ears. “It’s what I do best.”

Jinyoung shakes his head. Jaebeom barely does anything the whole time but he doesn’t mind. He decides to make a hot and sour soup; Jaebeom only jumps down to help once, cutting the ginger for the broth while Jinyoung sets up the pot. They don’t need to talk - just being in each other’s presence is enough for now.

“Hold my hand,” Jaebeom demands when they sit down at the table. Jinyoung is about to complain but Jaebeom has no problem eating with his left hand.

“You’re left handed?” he questions, blinking at him.

“Yeah,” Jaebeom laughs. “My parents tried to get me to be right handed so I learned but… Still left handed. But there’s advantages because you’re right handed.” He squeezes Jinyoung’s hand and it’s domestic and wonderful so Jinyoung will take it.

“It’s good,” Jaebeom tells him when he’s almost done, smiling with his cheeks full. “I like it a lot.”

Jinyoung hums, running his thumb over Jaebeom’s knuckles. “Take some home for Yugyeom.”

Jaebeom doesn’t reply for a second, only squeezing Jinyoung’s hand in return but he sniffs, watching him. “I don’t want to go home,” he whispers, his smile soft and comforting. Jinyoung doesn’t want him to leave either but he has to. Jinyoung can’t be selfish.

“I don’t want you to,” he answers as Jaebeom leans on his other hand, his eyes slipping closed. “But Yugyeom needs you. He’ll be happy to know what you’ve managed to do tonight.”

“What, come out?” Jaebeom laughs, meeting his eyes again. 

Jinyoung holds his hand with both of his, smiling all the while as butterflies fill his stomach. “It’s a hard thing to come to terms with, especially in two weeks. I’m ready when you are, okay?”

Jaebeom nods, smiling at him. “You’re free on the weekend?” Jinyoung hums in reply. “Let’s go out?” Jinyoung nods and the other couldn’t look happier, his eyes crinkled with smile lines as he grins. He adds his other hand to their pile, lifting them to his face. “Thank you. I’m sorry in advance if I… If I’m not ready or comfortable.”

“Whatever you’re happy with, I’m happy with,” Jinyoung reassures because that’s the most important thing. It doesn’t matter what happens, so long as they’re on the same page. Jinyoung is happy to let Jaebeom control the relationship between them and give whatever label he’s comfortable with to them. 

The night passes rather quickly and Jaebeom opts to be home by nine thirty so he gathers his jacket in the doorway as Jinyoung hovers around. Jaebeom pulls him over by his shirt when he stares for too long, right into a hug.

“Thank you,” he whispers, his fingers tangling in Jinyoung’s hair again. Jinyoung wraps his arms around him, holding him close. “Thank you for tonight. I’ll… I’ll call you? And I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jinyoung hums, tucking his face into Jaebeom’s broad shoulder. “Take care, hyung. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jaebeom can’t seem to help himself when he pulls away. Jinyoung was going to let him go and save his grievances for later but Jaebeom reads his mind, cups his face and kisses him so sweetly that Jinyoung feels his heart beating out of his chest. Jaebeom’s lip ring warms to the touch of their kiss which Jinyoung knows is something he’s never going to get sick of.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Jaebeom returns against his lips, his thumb over Jinyoung’s cheekbone. So what if he leans into it? He’s waited a long time for this. Jinyoung watches Jaebeom when he opens the door, making sure Jaebeom actually gets to the elevator safely and the older man glances over his shoulder to wave down the hallway.

Jinyoung smiles, only returning to his apartment when Jaebeom disappears into the elevator. He leans his head against the door once it’s closed, his heart still beating like he just ran a marathon. He places his hand on his chest just to feel the way his body responds and tells himself not to feel guilty. He’s okay to fall for Jaebeom now and he doesn’t know if he’s going to ever stop.

“Okay,” he breathes, closing his eyes. “It’s okay.”

He won’t be able to sleep tonight, he knows, and it seems Jaebeom won’t either, judging from the way he texts Jinyoung and thanks him again for tonight, and for the soup. 

For now, he’ll clean his kitchen just to tire himself out and try not to think about Jaebeom but he knows he’s going to fail.

Jinyoung supposes he doesn’t have to feel guilty about it now, since he knows Jaebeom is doing the same.

  
  


***

It’s Saturday.

Jinyoung waits outside the bar they decided on, much like the first time he and Jaebeom went out only it’s not a club. They wanted somewhere they could have a few drinks and talk, get to know each other better so Jinyoung pulled out one of his favourites. It’s not overly popular but big enough for a nice amount of space.

And much like the night they first hung out together, Jaebeom grins at him and pulls him in for a hug. “I haven’t smoked since we went out to that bar,” he says as a greeting.

It’s unfair to be in public because Jinyoung wants to kiss him so badly but settles for pulling away to lean their foreheads together, grinning at him. “I’m proud of you,” he whispers and Jaebeom smiles, his eyes sparkling.

“It’s hard,” he admits, leaning away but wrapping his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulder as they walk in. “I’m like, hungry all the time and a little shitty but Mark keeps me in line. I’ve been getting out while I’m at work so it’s been good.”

“You’ve done well,” Jinyoung tells him, keeping him close with a hand on his hip. Jaebeom smiles at him again, their noses bumping softly together before he pulls them both into a booth.

“What do you want?” Jinyoung asks to get things going for the night. They don’t have plans other than the bar but the walk home could be nice, since they both live close by. “Jack and coke?”

Jaebeom nods, pulling at his big overshirt that Jinyoung had yet to address. It’s a pretty light blue, tucked into his high waisted pants. He just looks so cute that Jinyoung has to walk away to avoid embarrassing himself by saying it out loud. 

Jinyoung didn’t do much for his own outfit but obviously had to dress correctly for a bar. He has a soft spot for turtlenecks but he’s never one to pick much colour for himself, even though Wonpil has told him he could pull anything off. So, simple is key. It’s how he likes his style. Jaebeom can be flashy sometimes so maybe they compliment each other well.

He had been nervous to come tonight, unsure if anything had changed in Jaebeom’s mind but he’s glad to find that Jaebeom is just like he was, only a little reserved because they’re in public.

He hands him his drink as he goes to sit opposite him. Jaebeom grins, eyes crinkling sweetly. “Ask me something,” he prompts, sipping his drink. Jinyoung leans on his hand, trying to think of something to ask.

“Personal?”

“I don’t mind,” Jaebeom sayd, shrugging. 

Jinyoung already knows quite a bit about Jaebeom's family, but he doesn’t know much else. “What’s your music taste?” he asks, starting simple. Jaebeom copies his stance, leaning on his hand.

“It’s stupid, but low fi,” he answers, licking his lips. “And old school rock, like Nirvana.” He fixes Jinyoung’s with a calculating gaze and says, “I think you like ballads.”

Jinyoung hums, swirling his long island. “You would be right. I like slow songs, mostly. They don’t have to be sad, though.”

“Maybe we should trade playlists,” Jaebeom suggests and while it’s a genuine thought, Jinyoung hates that his mind immediately tells him to kiss Jaebeom in thanks. What the fuck? 

He instead offers his hand which Jaebeom takes, shaking it a little. “I’d like that,” responds simply. Jaebeom’s grin is worth the wait. “Your turn. Ask me something.”

“When’s your birthday?”

“September twenty-second. I’m the youngest of three, with two older sisters.” Jaebeom coos at him and he rolls his eyes. “What does Mark do? You’ve never told me.”

Jaebeom snorts at that. “He’s an editor like me, but for Mandarin. That and he used to help people at our university with English so he still does that from time to time. I guess he’s a tutor?”

“Like a TA?”

Jaebeom nods but pulls a face. “Sort of… We’ve graduated, so I wouldn’t say he’s a TA. But you kind of get what I’m saying. People send in their work and he helps them with wording and stuff. But on top of that, he works in a tailoring studio.”

“He makes clothes? And you didn’t lead with that?”

“He mainly talks about the English!” Jaebeom defends, squeezing his hand. “We went to university for completely different things! It gets mixed together in my head.”

Jinyoung shakes his head but can’t help the smile that graces his lips. “It’s your turn again.”

Their night dissolves into simple questions, sometimes personal (Jinyoung did not need to be reminded of his first crush in fifth grade) and it just works. Jaebeom tells him about his own poetry, what he normally writes about and how he sometimes writes songs that have no melody. That leads them into their love of music again and Jaebeom is fascinated with the fact that Jinyoung is learning to play the guitar.

“It’s nothing major,” he dismisses, speaking into his glass before finishing the drink off. “I wouldn’t even call it learning anymore. I know how to play, I’m just… I don’t know, I guess I’m not confident.”

“You could start playing for the kids,” Jaebeom suggests, squeezing his hand. “That would build your confidence really quickly.”

Jinyoung snorts, knowing exactly what he means. “Yeah, kids can be brutal but good for feedback. I guess I should try.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you played for me,” Jaebeom says, cheeks flushed. He knows how uncoy he sounds because Jinyoung catches him with a pointed look and the older man can’t help but laugh. He hides his face behind his other hand but his smile still shines through.

As the night comes to a close, they drift away from the bar after two more drinks, light on their feet with their heads buzzing. Jaebeom wraps his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulder as they leave the bar. The older man starts to shiver, his sheer overshirt not enough. 

“God,” Jaebeom says when Jinyoung shucks off his jacket for him. “That wasn’t why I was shivering, for the record.” Jinyoung hums and doesn’t reply. At least he takes the jacket.

“Let me hold your hand,” Jinyoung says before adding, “please?” Jaebeom lets him, lacing their fingers together. It’s childish, the way they swing their hands back and forth but it doesn’t matter when it’s only for the two of them to see. Well, them, the streetlights and whoever decides to drive past and see two grown men holding hands.

But then again, they were in their own bubble. Jaebeom looks pretty in his jacket and it fits him well, even with his huge shoulders. Only the two of them know it’s Jinyoung’s jacket on his shoulders - their own little secret.

“My first crush?” Jaebeom laughs once Jinyoung bounces the question back onto him. “I think it was fourth grade. I really liked this girl in the year above me but I never told her. We ended up going to high school together and eventually I spilled it and she just laughed. Said it was puppy love. She was right, so I wasn’t upset.”

“At least she didn’t think it was weird,” Jinyoung offers, squeezing his hand.

“Yeah,” Jaebeom laughs. “She remembered me from elementary school so I guess I got lucky. I ‘liked’ another girl in high school but it was mostly because everyone else had crushes so… I guess I thought I had to have one.”

“I never got that either,” Jinyoung grimaces but for an entirely different reason. While his friends were telling him who he should have fallen for, he was too busy falling in love with upperclassmen on the damn debating team instead of trying to hang out with all the girls during lunch.

He’s not ashamed to admit to that debate team fact but Jaebeom latches onto that immediately, pulling him in when Jinyoung tries to get away. “The  _ debating _ team?” he hisses in Jinyoung’s ear, his arm caught around his neck. “I don’t know how I missed that because it makes  _ total _ sense. Don’t tell me you were a school captain, too.”

“Vice,” he mumbles but Jaebeom hears it loud and clear, throwing his head back and laughing as Jinyoung finally breaks away, glaring daggers at him. He’s not offended. Not really.

“We couldn’t have been  _ more _ opposite,” Jaebeom chuckles, dropping his arms back to his sides. “If I went to school, I was barely in class. I used to breakdance too.”

Jinyoung balks at that. Breakdancing? That should have been the first thing he learnt about Jaebeom. The elder just smiles. “I think I would have hated you in high school,” he admits, no use in hiding it. “Or had a crush on you but only from afar.”

“I also had a buzz cut,” Jaebeom adds, lifting his eyebrows in challenge.

But Jinyoung just shrugs. “That was the rage for a sixteen year old with no fashion sense.”

Jaebeom narrowly misses Jinyoung's backside with his foot, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I’ll tell you about how I lost my memory after fucking up a move.” 

Jinyoung laughs, letting Jaebeom take his hand again, throwing it over his shoulder to play with his fingers as he listens. There’s no one but them on the streets, now. Jaebeom’s apartment was coming closer and closer as they talk, but it’s the last thing on his mind. He's just enjoying their time together. 

The night is only for them to know, only for them to share like a forbidden secret. Jinyoung would have been afraid of this a few years ago, when the guys he liked never wanted to show him off and walk with him in public. He would have known from the start that this intimacy is forbidden, is something scandalous to other people but Jaebeom doesn’t seem to care.

And why would he? He has grown up thinking things like this are normal. He’s never had a reason to hide someone away, ashamed of who he likes and possibly loves. He knows the risks and yet doesn’t want to keep things a secret. There’s no scandal, no shame or deadline to their time together.

For once, Jinyoung isn’t waiting for the ball to drop, the inevitable  _ you thought we were dating? Jinyoung, outside of this room, we don’t know each other. _ He’s dealt with that sentence so many times that he can’t help but laugh at how naive he once was.

When Jinyoung was younger, he convinced himself that he would always be the one behind the door, waiting for someone to call to make him feel worth it for a night before disappearing. To him, that was normal. 

But now, twenty-six and holding Jaebeom’s hand as they walk down the road, he wonders how he was ever content with hiding himself away. Jaebeom doesn’t want that even though he seems to keep his life private. It’s something they can figure out together. Already, Jaebeom is so much more than anything he’s ever had and he’s determined to hold it and keep it safe in his heart for as long as he can.

Jaebeom’s apartment comes up too quickly, the older sighing as they step up to the entrance. Jaebeom’s eyes catch the street lights, turning them to a beautiful amber. 

“Very gentleman-like of you to walk me home,” he grins, their noses nudging together. Jinyoung smiles back, lost in the feeling of utter joy. “I had a good time. I’ll see you Monday, anyways.”

Jinyoung hums, shaking his head to rub their noses together and Jaebeom laughs, a silly high pitched giggle. “I did too. I think I needed to take this slow too.”

Jaebeom catches him off guard by kissing him but it’s over as soon as it starts, leaving him wanting more. “Thank you,” he whispers, cupping Jinyoung’s face. 

It’s been a very long time since Jinyoung has felt wanted like this. All they’re doing is holding each other, Jinyoung’s arms around Jaebeom’s waist but it’s enough for them to just exist in each other’s space, ready for whatever comes next.

“I have to go,” Jaebeom whispers but doesn’t pull away. Jinyoung doesn’t want him to but this night can’t go on forever. Jinyoung really wishes it could but they must live in reality and draw away.

“I’ll see you Monday,” Jinyoung says as Jaebeom draws away, their hands slipping away from each other. Jaebeom hums as their arms swung back to their sides.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebeom calls when he steps behind the car barrier, his hands in his pockets. He’s still wearing Jinyoung’s jacket but neither of them mention it. “I want to see you again.”

“I know,” Jinyoung laughs. “Text me, then. Maybe I’ll annoy you at work.”

“I would love that,” Jaebeom returns, grinning at him. “I already annoy you at work.”

Jinyoung could stay here forever with him, trading stupid jokes but he has to get home too. “Goodnight, Jaebeom,” he says softly, shoving his hands into his pockets when the light wind returns and ruffles them both.

Jaebeom’s blonde hair, hanging around his shoulders, sways in the breeze. He smiles in return, his cheeks pink and ducks his head. “Goodnight, Jinyoung.” 

It’s only when Jinyoung turns away to leave, knowing Jaebeom is safe, that he hears him call out again. Jinyoung turns and catches Jaebeom when his footsteps get louder, his hands on his waist as he stares at him with wide eyes.

“I have your jacket,” Jaebeom says dumbly and Jinyoung laughs because yes, he does. 

“Keep it,” he responds, unable to hide the smirk from his lips. Jaebeom rolls his eyes, but laughs softly, still. There’s a beat of silence between them before Jinyoung cups his face, silently asking for a kiss. He’ll stop if Jaebeom says no but he won’t know if he doesn’t ask.

Jaebeom searches his face for something and he must not find it because he nods, their forms hidden in the darkness of the dimly lit neighbour, caught between the two streetlights that fight to light up where they stand. They’re still in public and it’s a late Saturday night - people are bound to be out but Jaebeom is on his page and Jinyoung wants to complete their story together.

So, he holds Jaebeom gently, thumb skirting across his cheekbone and kisses him, smiling when Jaebeom kisses back. He pulls Jaebeom in by his waist, leaving room for him to pull away if he wants to. His lip ring is cold against Jinyoung’s lip but quickly warms up the longer they’re close like this.

Jaebeom’s hands screw up around his turtleneck, needing something to hold onto and Jinyoung sighs, the sound trapped between them before they finally pull away, both out of breath but too lost to care.

“I don’t want to go,” Jaebeom whispers, “when you kiss me like that.”

When he says it, it’s just like their first night together when this all happened. It’s barely been a week since then but Jinyoung likes to think they’ve grown a lot since then. “Then write some poetry,” he teases, kissing his cheek, “and I’ll do it again when you read it to me.”

“You joke about it but I’m going to do that. I won’t sleep tonight.”

“Then text me,” Jinyoung says again, licking his lips as he draws back to meet Jaebeom’s eyes. “You have to show me your writing sometime, or else I’m going to think you just go to work to do nothing.”

Jaebeom pouts, smoothing his hands down Jinyoung’s chest to rest them on his waist. “It’s embarrassing.” He still leans into Jinyoung’s hand, cupping his waist to keep him there.

“I’ll play the guitar,” Jinyoung compromises and Jaebeom’s eyes light up, “if you let me read your poetry.” Jaebeom starts nodding like that’s all it took, his smile lighting up what can’t be reached by the hazy streetlamps. “But that’s for later.”

Jaebeom chuckles, pulling away again. They both know if they don’t let go now, they won’t let go at all.Jaebeom takes one for the team and steps back, his hands back in the jacket, pulling it taut around himself. 

They say nothing more, Jinyoung waving when Jaebeom ducks his head and turns away, returning back to his apartment complex. Jinyoung vaguely knows the way to his own place from here and the night air is yet to set a chill in his bones so he won’t mind walking.

He especially doesn’t mind when he thinks about Jaebeom and his blonde hair looking gorgeous in his jacket. It’s ridiculous but his mind makes him think that Jaebeom looks like home in his clothes, comfortable and soft. 

Jinyoung shakes his head, patting his cheeks to get his mind out of the damn gutter but the giddy grin that curses his lips is something he can’t control. His stomach is filled with butterflies and his heart is racing a mile a minute, distracting him so much that he steps into his apartment complex’s elevator without even remembering how he got there, grabbing his keys from his pocket. He’s just glad he wasn’t distracted enough to give Jaebeom his jacket with his phone and wallet inside.

As if he knew when he got home, Jinyoung’s phone vibrates with Jaebeom’s contact, a file sitting there. Jaebeom’s text tells him it’s called  _ sweet dream  _ and Jinyoung smiles as he reads the lines. Jaebeom says it’s supposed to be a song and Jinyoung tells him he loves it because he does.

_ It’s beautiful, _ he writes and Jaebeom responds with a heart, saying he’ll send more later. There’s something in his words that makes Jinyoung smile. Jaebeom is a romantic through and through and Jinyoung finds himself falling for it more and more.

After almost two weeks of driving himself insane and a week of waiting for this date, Jinyoung feels like things are coming together, falling into a jigsaw puzzle that he can’t see. There’s nothing he can think of that could ruin this feeling, even if things don’t work out between them. He can only be glad that they’ve done this together, whatever  _ this _ is.

He doesn’t even realise how late it is until he checks his phone, puffing at his cheeks when he reads  _ 01:49 _ . He’s glad he still has the energy to wash his face, something he normally hates to do but when he crawls back into bed, his covers around him as he texts Jaebeom goodnight, it couldn’t be a more perfect ending.

Well, Jaebeom could be with him but it’s slow between them for a reason. It’s better that they stay like this, taking the challenges as they come. Jinyoung’s not scared if Jaebeom is just like him, excited for what is to come.

Jinyoung is whipped and he knows it but he has nothing to feel ashamed of. He’s been waiting a long time to feel like this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is late! my classes resumed and work got the best of me so i was behind ^^ but here you go :)


	8. eight

“Good morning, people who are in love.”

Jinyoung blinks at Wonpil who smiles down at him, Younghyun leaning on the doorframe behind him. He’s in his office, trying to catch up with what he’s missed since his mind has been full of Jaebeom and nothing else.

“We’re not dating,” he answers, eyes back on the documents he’s having to file. Apparently, Youngjae’s allergy medication has expired and his mother brought in the new documents they need but Wonpil doesn’t know how to file them correctly.

“Really?” Wonpil retorts, blinking at him. “But I thought-”

“Are you taking it slow?” Younghyun cuts in, pinching Wonpil’s side. “For your sake or his?”

“Are we at work,” Jinyoung starts, his hands pausing, “or are we in high school?” 

Younghyun pulls a face, mocking him like a child but moves away without saying anything, dragging Wonpil with him. Jinyoung huffs a laugh. He knows they mean well but he doesn’t have much to say. There’s no point when he doesn’t have an answer right now but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

As the clock ticks through the morning, Jinyoung sighs. He’s not nervous per se, but the thought of seeing Jaebeom again is making his heart race again. They're still in the honeymoon stage for sure but he doesn't think anything will change too drastically. Besides, it's not like it's against the law to be happy in a new relationship.

Jackson and Yugyeom are first at the program. They approach the door together, holding hands as they try to fit through, squishing together before they pop through. Yugyeom laughs as Jackson falls down. Jaebeom enters afterwards and sighs fondly, his hands in his pockets.

“Still got my jacket,” Jinyoung says in lieu of greeting, gesturing to it resting on Jaebeom’s shoulders. The older man shrugs, smiling at him so sweetly that Jinyoung wishes he wasn’t at work so he could kiss him. 

“It’s comfortable,” Jaebeom says, shrugging. He doesn’t seem to have Jinyoung’s self control because he reaches out just to take his hand, running his thumb over his knuckles. “I want to see you again,” he says quietly, his eyes bright and who is Jinyoung to say no?

“When?” he returns, squeezing Jaebeom’s fingers. Wonpil pointedly ignores them, instead helping Jackson unload his books because he’s behind on his math work. Yugyeom seems to want to know what third graders learn so he sits rather close to Jackson, keeping his hands to himself as he watches with curious eyes.

“Come see me at work,” Jaebeom says, drawing his attention back. “I usually have an hour for lunch. Wednesday?”

Jinyoung nods, already feeling giddy. Jaebeom watches him for a second before he leans in and kisses Jinyoung’s cheek quickly. Jinyoung smiles, meeting his eyes when the elder pulls back to look at him. 

“I’ll see you Wednesday, then,” Jinyoung says, smiling when Jaebeom ducks his head, shy. He nods, drawing his hand away. Pulling away, he waves to Yugyeom who ignores him, holding Jackson’s pencils while the third grader watches Wonpil complete an equation for him before he attempts it himself.

Jinyoung takes a breath, smiling when Yugyeom looks up at him with wide eyes. He’s not surprised - just focused. He turns back to Jackson without even saying anything. Jinyoung doesn’t have time to think about what Yugyeom has been told because Youngjae has apparently had a bad morning. He immediately throws his bag on the floor as he runs to Younghyun who chokes when the first grader throws himself at him.

“Hey, buddy,” Younghyun greets, stunned. He pats Youngjae’s mop of hair as the boy’s mother sighs. She signs him in for the morning, her car keys jingling around in her fingers. Younghyun lifts Youngjae up, clearing his throat but the boy shoves his head into his shoulder, hiding himself away.

“Come on,” Younghyun whispers, glancing at Jinyoung. “Didn’t sleep well?”

Jinyoung can relate. Sometimes he too wishes he could walk into the program and be carried around. Two weeks ago, he would have given anything for Wonpil to rock him until he stopped thinking of Jaebeom. He's thankful that's all resolved now.

“Is Youngjae-hyung sad?” Yugyeom suddenly asks, startling Jinyoung. The little boy doesn’t say anything else, simply staring up at him so he bends down with a smile. 

“He didn’t sleep well,” he answers as he kneels on the floor. “Maybe you should talk to him to cheer him up.”

Yugyeom glances at the first grader who’s still being cuddled by Younghyun, his eyes calculating. Jinyoung doubts he’ll go over to him but that doesn’t matter all that much. Younghyun seems to have Youngjae handled. 

“Hyung said he saw you on the weekend,” Yugyeom says instead of tending to Youngjae. Jinyoung always forgets how easily children change the subject, never having time to focus on something for a long period, especially not at six years old.

So, he laughs. “Yes, he did see me. You had a fun weekend with Mark?”

Yugyeom nods. “I played with Bambam on both days.”

“You get to see your best friend every day of the week?” Jinyoung gasps, exaggerating. Yugyeom smiles shyly, hiding his face behind his hands just like Jaebeom has done before. Clearly he's been influenced.

Bambam picks that moment to finally come through the door, charging at Yugyeom, throwing himself into his arms. Jinyoung stands up to leave them alone but he finds himself way too close to Wonpil whose eyes are boring into his head.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Jinyoung starts, his eyes still on the boys as they hang up Bambam’s bag on the hook, “because I can tell you have a lot to say.”

“I want you to be cautious,” his best friend finally says, meeting his eyes. “Is he really good for you?”

Wonpil has always been good to him, looking out for Jinyoung especially when he’s getting back into dating. Even though he hasn’t dated someone for some time, Wonpil has been with him through everything. 

“He’s good for me,” Jinyoung tells him, turning completely to face him. “I know what you’re thinking.”  
  


Wonpil’s eye twitches. “No, you don’t.”

Jinyoung does know because he’s heard it all before from Wonpil but that’s not to say he’s ever said something out of pocket. “You think I’m in over my head and I know why you think so but I’m not. We… went out and did stuff.”

“Ah,” Wonpil deadpans. “‘Stuff’. So you kissed him?” Jinyoung nods, suddenly shy. “You sound like a fourth grader. I think this job is finally getting to you. Your brain is mush.”

Jinyoung holds up his hands in surrender. “But if you’re right about this, you can gloat.” Wonpil has been right before but he feels that both of them know Jaebeom is far from the guys Jinyoung used to settle for.

Wonpil purses his lips but nods, satisfied. “I just don’t want you to get hurt,” he says quickly, poking at Jinyoung’s hand to get him to drop them. “I’ve never actually spoken to Jaebeom.”

“Then you can intimidate him tomorrow, Wonpilie,” Jinyoung teases, leaning forward to press his cheek to Wonpil’s. He grumbles, trying to be serious, but he wraps his arms around Jinyoung’s shoulders afterwards, swaying them side to side dramatically. None of the children are paying attention, except for Jackson, who laughs at them. 

“He’s pretty,” Wonpil tells him as he rubs his back. “And the pretty ones are the worst ones.”

“Jae hasn't called you back?” Jinyoung laughs, drawing away to look at his friend who just sighs. “I’m sure he will. But, because you listened to me when I was being angsty, I will give you a free pass.”

“I’ll save it for later.” Wonpil pulls away from him completely, wriggling his fingers in his direction. Chan walks up to him before he can escape, pulling at his shirt. So, he squats down and gives the kid his signature smile that Jinyoung has come to copy from him. Jinyoung smiles down at them, content.

Things seem just a little brighter, now. Something has changed and while he’s thankful to Jaebeom, Jinyoung can’t be sure that’s the only thing. Maybe he’s just damn happy and has no idea what to do with himself.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Jinyoung tries to hide his smile but a few kids catch him. They don’t find it weird though, so he has nothing to be ashamed of.

  
  


***

Seeing Jaebeom on his lunch break feels like he stepped into a different dimension. 

Not only is the café that Jaebeom decided to walk them into expensive with local artists’ paintings hanging on the walls, but Jaebeom himself is different.

Mainly because he’s in a suit and it looks like it’s choking him. He’s obviously trying not to be uncomfortable but Jinyoung can tell he wants to take it off. His lips keep twitching and he tugs at his collar only to scratch his neck.

“Does your boss make you wear a tie?” Jinyoung asks, touching at his knuckles. Jaebeom finally looks at him with a strained smile that tells him everything he needs to know. “Take it off, then. It’s obvious you hate it.”

“But then I’m not going to put it back on,” Jaebeom complains, pouting a little. Jinyoung shifts so he’s sitting next to him, picking at his tie without a second thought, stuffing it into his breast pocket of his blazer afterwards.

“It looks better like this,” Jinyoung tells him as he unbuttons the top button, tucking his collar in. “Your hair looks nice. It’s more relaxed like this." Jaebeom flushes, ducking his head with a grin. "You’re an editor, though. Why are you even wearing a suit?”

Jaebeom purses his lips, suddenly awkward, his cheeks flushing further. He sips his iced coffee before he sighs, rubbing his face. “I wanted to impress you,” he mutters but Jinyoung hears him loud and clear, a smile pulling at his cheeks.

“You’re cute,” Jinyoung grins, patting his cheek. “How’s work?”

Jaebeom launches into topics that Jinyoung knows next to nothing about, never having worked an office job before but Jaebeom has a certain way of speaking that makes Jinyoung lean on his hand and listen. He must realise that Jinyoung has no idea what he’s talking about before he stops halfway through explaining a manuscript he recently read, his cheeks pink.

“This is really boring,” he mumbles, ducking his head to sip his coffee again.

“I don’t mind,” Jinyoung replies because he really doesn’t. “It’s nice to learn about what you actually do. But what do you want to eat?”

It isn’t long before they’re eating, Jaebeom with a lemon tart and Jinyoung with a breakfast sandwich since he hasn’t eaten in a while. Jaebeom eats half of his tart before he’s offering it to Jinyoung but the latter shakes his head.

“I like fruit based sweets but only when I’m in the mood,” he says. While he thought nothing of saying so, apparently Jaebeom has quite a perverted way of thinking.

“So how  _ do _ you get in the mood?” he grins, throwing in a wink. Jinyoung chokes on his food, hacking a lung into his hand as Jaebeom laughs, smacking his back to help him along. “Come on, you’ve had to have heard something like that before!”

“Not while I’m eating?” Jinyoung shoots back, red in the face. “Why say that  _ now _ of all times?”

“You’re always making me flustered,” Jaebeom defends, pouting at him. “I wanted to see how you felt when I teased you, asshole. You’re too cocky.”

“I can show you cocky,” Jinyoung mutters, joking but Jaebeom doesn’t meet his eyes, his ears bright red. “Seriously? You're too easy, even after you made me choke.” Jaebeom turns back to him, a comeback on his tongue, but Jinyoung smacks the table before he can say anything. “Do not say you’ll give me something to choke on. Or that you’re good at choking on things. I don’t want to hear it.”

Jaebeom smiles at him, leaning in close. Jinyoung lets him rock their shoulders. He can’t help the warmth that spreads through his chest, but he still glares at the other man. 

All too suddenly, Jaebeom checks his watch and sighs, looking around the cafe for a second. “I have to go back to work,” he says quietly, eyes elsewhere before he holds up the paper menu that has acted as a placemat for Jinyoung’s sandwich for the past fifteen minutes. 

Jinyoung doesn’t move for a second, watches as Jaebeom fiddles with the menu, setting it up in front of them before he tips Jinyoung’s chin up, kissing him softly. It’s innocent, a silent goodbye between them and Jinyoung smiles, liking the feeling of Jaebeom’s fingers on his jaw. But, he pulls away too quickly, setting the menu down. Jinyoung already misses his lips against his own.

“I’ll see you tonight, anyways,” Jaebeom says, grinning at him. “I want to show you my favourite movies so make yourself free on Friday night.”

Jinyoung shakes his head, wrapping his sandwich back up. He’ll eat it later. “Yes, sir,” he answers, watching as Jaebeom packs up his things, fiddling with his collar. “Leave it. You look nicer when you’re relaxed.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” the older smiles, pulling out of his chair. “See you tonight. You would think I’d get sick of seeing you by now but not a chance.”

Jinyoung is glad to hear it but not in a public space where he can’t kiss him senseless. “Get out of here. I’ll see you tonight and then Friday.”

Jaebeom hums and slips away from the café, heading back to work. Jinyoung needs to go home and get ready for work himself but that won’t take long. He feels like he’s in a haze when he drives home, unsure of what exactly he’s doing. He’s on cloud nine right now.

When he dances into work, swinging his shoulder bag around, Wonpil frowns at him. Jinyoung just smiles, taking his hands and swinging them side to side. Wonpil follows, his eyes wide. 

“What’s got you so happy?” his friend says, blinking at him.

“I think I’m finally letting myself be happy,” he answers, letting go of their hands to wrap his arms around Wonpil’s shoulders. His friend grunts but holds Jinyoung close, humming.

“Then I’m happy for you,” Wonpil answers, smiling at him when they draw away. 

  
  


***

Jaebeom is apparently comfortable enough to walk into his apartment without knocking. Jinyoung already buzzed him in so it’s not like he didn’t know he was coming but when Jaebeom walks in with a bag of takeout, putting it on his counter, he's a little surprised.

“Good evening,” he says, smiling cutely. Jinyoung just got out of the shower before so he nods to him in between drying his hair with the towel around his shoulders. 

“What did you pick up?”

“Chinese,” Jaebeom answers, pulling out the containers. “Mark made me get it on my way home since he’s got Yugyeom tonight so I left it on the counter for him. It’s a place he really likes.”

“Then I’m sure it will be good,” Jinyoung agrees, laying his hand on Jaebeom’s spine. “Are you going to stay over?” The question makes him nervous to ask, but Jaebeom reaches up to touch his cheek, kissing his jaw.

“If you want me to?” he returns, blinking at him. Jinyoung smiles, nodding and kisses him properly, only pulling away to grab some chopsticks for them. Jaebeom is comfortable in his space which is good to see and it’s even better that he takes the chopsticks and goes to sit on the couch. 

Jinyoung follows him after he drops his towel back in the bathroom. Jaebeom hands him a kung pao dish that Jinyoung has probably had before but Mark is right - it is good. Jaebeom seems to think so too, taking massive bites. He quickly settles into the couch with Jinyoung’s remote in his hand, selecting a movie for them.

“Do you like western movies?” He asks in between bites.

“I don’t mind them.” Jinyoung shifts into the couch as well, taking a breath. “I speak English but I still like the subtitles.”

“You speak English?” Jaebeom breathes, staring at him. “I didn’t know that. You never said.”

“Is that weird?”

Jaebeom laughs, shaking his head. “No, it’s cool. Have you seen  _ Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?” _

Jinyoung thinks he’s heard of it, so he shrugs. When Jaebeom explains the plot briefly, he agrees to watch it. He can tell Jaebeom has already seen it before from the way he’s focusing in and out of the movie, quoting random parts. Jinyoung finds it cute. When he’s done with his food, Jaebeom wraps his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulder and pulls him into his chest.

Jinyoung lays his head on Jaebeom’s chest, letting the older man lay down before he makes himself at home. Jaebeom should be quickly learning that Jinyoung is a cuddler but he doesn’t seem to mind at all, his arms snug around Jinyoung’s shoulders. They’re definitely too big for this couch but they’re making it work, Jaebeom’s hand drawing circles on his spine.

Jinyoung likes the movie for the philosophic questions behind it, so he can’t help but ask Jaebeom some questions on his mind once the credits roll. “If you could erase your memories of someone, would you do it?”

Jaebeom blinks at him, his mouth turning down a little. “Why do you ask? The movie?”

“Got me thinking,” Jinyoung shrugs, sitting up a little. He leans on his chest, peering at him. “Would you do it?”

Jaebeom’s eyes flick away, trying to think before he turns back to Jinyoung. “No,” he answers, his hand drawing up Jinyoung’s spine. “I believe everyone meets people for a reason, whether it’s good or bad.” 

“There’s really no one?” Jinyoung could name a few boyfriends he’d rather not remember.

Jaebeom purses his lips, shrugging. “I think that there are people who are good for us, people who aren’t. But everything falls into place one way or another, doesn’t it? If we erased memories, we would never learn from our experiences. Life would never progress.”

Jinyoung supposes that’s true. “I guess you’re right,” he whispers, looking down. “There are people that are good for you, I agree.”

“You’re good for me,” Jaebeom whispers, smiling sweetly at him. “I mean that.” His cheeks flush suddenly and Jinyoung smiles. “I don’t mind getting my heart broken by you. I wouldn’t erase it.”

“You won’t have to,” Jinyoung says quickly, cupping his cheek. “Don’t think like that.”

Jaebeom leans into his hand, his bangs slipping over his eyes so delicately that it makes Jinyoung want to paint him even though he doesn’t have the talent. “Then make me think about something else,” he whispers. 

Jinyoung does just that, leaning forward to kiss Jaebeom. The position is a little awkward but Jinyoung makes the best of it, getting his legs underneath him so he doesn’t have to strain them. Jaebeom follows his lead, giving him room even though his leg falls off the couch and it isn’t long before Jinyoung is trying to turn them over.

“Wait, I can-” Jaebeom mumbles but Jinyoung makes the stupid choice to try and flip them, which sends them both to the floor in a rush. Jinyoung ends up on his back, groaning as Jaebeom tries not to squash him. He laughs and drops his head on Jinyoung’s chest, making him grunt. 

“You good?” Jinyoung breathes when Jaebeom sits up, flicking his hair out of his eyes.

“Are you?” Jaebeom retorts, smoothing his hand over Jinyoung’s shirt. “Took quite a fall for me.”

Jinyoung snorts, resting his head on the floor. “Yeah, I’m a real knight in shining armor. How romantic.”

Jaebeom purses his lips again before he smiles, tucking his hair behind his ears with one hand. “I like romantic movies too,” he confesses, as if thinking of what plans to make later. If he’s staying the night, Jinyoung could stand to watch a romantic movie.

There’s one that’s on his list that he’s yet to watch. “Architecture 101?”

Jaebeom’s face lights up. “I’ve seen it. I like it a lot.” Jinyoung rolls his eyes but Jaebeom kisses him before he can say anything in return. They’re watching another movie and that’s final, apparently.

Jinyoung just hopes they don’t have to watch it from the floor but he wouldn’t really mind if Jaebeom would keep kissing him.

“Sit up,” Jinyoung mumbles against his lips. Jaebeom grabs him and pulls him up by his shoulder and his shirt, almost ripping it. Jaebeom presses forward, very eager but Jinyoung stops him, tapping his hip to pull him away. Jaebeom stops, leaning his forehead against Jinyoung as he catches his breath. Jinyoung smiles, tucking Jaebeom's bangs behind his ear. 

“I want to keep going,” he whispers against Jaebeom’s lips, his eyes fluttering.

“Yeah?” Jaebeom breathes, settling completely in Jinyoung’s lap. “Then let’s keep going.”

“Okay?” Jinyoung laughs and Jaebeom hums, kissing him again. It doesn’t catch Jinyoung off guard but he does sway back, wrapping his arms around Jaebeom’s middle, pointedly avoiding touching Jaebeom’s skin that is exposed when his shirt hikes up.

“You can touch me,” Jaebeom whispers against his lips but Jinyoung says no whilst Jaebeom nibbles at his lip. “You won’t? Too early?”

“Later,” Jinyoung agrees, smiling against his lips. “How long has it been?”

“Since you confessed or since I kissed you?” Jinyoung sticks his tongue out at him, mimicking him childishly but Jaebeom still takes the time to think. “A month, almost. We’ve been going out every week. Maybe a little longer than a month.”

“And you’re okay?” Jinyoung has been meaning to ask for a while, to see where he sits with all of this between them. It’s not that Jaebeom has made any indication that he’s uncomfortable but it’s still nice to check.

Jaebeom smiles, glowing beautifully as Jinyoung chuckles at him. “Yeah, I’m good,” he breathes, cupping Jinyoung’s face. “Thank you for asking. I like it when you check. Can I check something?” Jinyoung blinks at him, raising his eyebrows. 

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

Jinyoung blinks again, huffing a laugh before he nods. “I would like nothing more,” he says in return, pressing his words into Jaebeom’s lips. The older man chuckles, slipping his arm around Jinyoung’s neck to hold him properly so he can kiss him without being interrupted. 

“I’m a good boyfriend,” Jaebeom suddenly says, nosing at Jinyoung’s cheek.

“Well, that’s good for you,” Jinyoung chuckles. “I know for a fact that I’m a great boyfriend.”

Jaebeom raises his eyebrows, scoffing at him. “Then be  _ my _ boyfriend, smartass.” He ducks his head, kissing Jinyoung’s jaw as he laughs, holding Jaebeom even tighter. Now that he’s got him, he can’t let him go.

“Can we set-” Jaebeom bites at his pulse point and Jinyoung tenses a little, trying to stay focused. “Jaebeom, look at me.” Jaebeom does what he’s told, so that’s good to know. “Can we set boundaries?”

Jaebeom pulls away, staring down at him. “I thought we already did?”

“No, I meant-” Jinyoung makes an awkward sound, shifting a little and Jaebeom sits on the floor between his legs. He crosses his ankles behind Jinyoung’s back, effectively pulling them chest to chest. Jinyoung grunts softly but laughs when Jaebeom grins at him.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he says quickly and Jaebeom shakes his head, open to the conversation. “Do you… Are you open to talking about sex?” Jaebeom shrugs, as if to say  _ go ahead. _ “What… What do you think of me?”

“Sexually?” Jaebeom blinks, tilting his head. “I want you. Not now, but whenever you’re ready for me to be ready. I don’t want to rush it just because we can do it, you know.”

Jinyoung can work with that. At least he knows Jaebeom isn’t nervous or uncomfortable about it. “I can work with it,” he says in return. “I’m glad you’re okay and we can… handle it as it comes.”

Jaebeom grins, his tongue pushing at his lip piercing for a second before he presses his lips to Jinyoung’s again. “Thank you. But you can touch my thighs, and under my shirt. I’m not that much of a virgin.”

“Could have fooled me,” Jinyoung giggles but kisses him again, his fingers slipping beneath Jaebeom’s shirt to touch his skin. The shiver he gets in response is worth it and he can’t help but feel satisfied.

The movie can wait, since Jaebeom wants to write his own romantic comedy tonight.

  
  


***

He does stay over.

Nothing happens - well, nothing besides Jaebeom crowding him into the pillows before he falls asleep, his body curled around Jinyoung like a cat. He wakes up uncomfortable but Jaebeom is asleep on his chest so he doesn’t move, lying in wait.

Jinyoung shifts slowly to stretch out his neck but Jaebeom moves in his sleep, frowning. He tucks his face into Jinyoung’s neck so he holds him close, kissing his head. His fingers thread through Jaebeom’s blonde hair, playing with it to pass the time but it eventually wakes the elder. He sniffs, lifting himself from Jinyoung’s hold.

“What’s the time?” he says, slurred.

“I couldn’t check,” Jinyoung answers. “You were laying on me.”

Jaebeom hums, grabbing Jinyoung’s phone from the bedside table. It’s surprisingly comfortable to have him squint at his phone, having nothing to hide even though Wonpil’s text messages are on his screen.

“Too early,” he concludes, dropping the phone and tucking himself back into Jinyoung’s neck. “Did you sleep okay?”

“I think so,” Jinyoung whispers, his fingers back in Jaebeom’s hair. “But you should go home. I keep stealing you from Yugyeom.”

Jaebeom hums, leaving a kiss on his jaw. “I will. I want… I want you to see him soon. Outside of school.”

Jinyoung would like that but it’s more so about what Yugyeom wants. “When he’s ready.”

“When he’s ready,” Jaebeom echoes, his smile pressed into Jinyoung’s neck. “He likes you. I think he likes you more than me.”

“As in more than you like me or he likes me more than you?”

Jaebeom grumbles, shaking his head. “My peanut brain… It’s too small for this at seven in the morning. But I should… go home.”

“I don’t want you to,” Jinyoung says and it’s the nth time he’s said it but it still makes Jaebeom smile. He lifts himself from Jinyoung’s neck and looks down at him, his hair hanging around his face messily. Jinyoung tucks his behind his ears when Jaebeom kisses him.

They should brush their teeth but Jinyoung doesn’t have it in him to care, not when he cups Jaebeom’s face like he’s something precious because he is. He doesn’t remember the last time he was this happy.

“I like waking up to my boyfriend,” Jaebeom says against his mouth before he pulls away, straddling Jinyoung’s hips so he’s more comfortable.

“Your boyfriend?” Jinyoung echoes, raising an eyebrow. “Do I know him? Are you cheating on me?”

Jaebeom licks his lips, smiling down at him. “Yeah, he’s this really cute guy from my brother’s school. You might know him. I thought he was married and he thought I was straight.”

“Well, to be fair,” Jinyoung defends, holding his finger up to stop him, “ _ you _ thought you were straight.”

Jaebeom stares at him, blank faced before he surges forward and licks Jinyoung’s finger, trying to bite it. Jinyoung’s reflexes are better than that so he’s able to pull away and flick him in the nose, making the elder gasp and rub his face.

“Asshole,” he mutters into his hand. Jinyoung just smiles.

He sits up, wrapping his arms around Jaebeom’s waist, arching his back so he doesn’t fall back onto the bed. “Come on, I’ll make breakfast,” he whispers, kissing Jaebeom again, chaste. Jaebeom hums and hops off him, leading the way to the kitchen like he lives here. Jinyoung doesn’t mind that idea.

“I’m helping,” Jaebeom says when Jinyoung pulls out the carton of eggs and milk. “Wait, I make good pancakes. Do you want pancakes?”

Jinyoung could go for it. He nods and lets Jaebeom do what he needs to do. He decided to make coffee for the both of them, as well as some bacon because he wants it. They’re able to cook side by side; Jinyoung’s hand rests on Jaebeom’s hip when he’s done with his cooking, leaning his chin on his shoulder.

Jaebeom seems happy to have him close, his fingers slipping into Jinyoung’s on his hip, turning his head to kiss Jinyoung’s cheek. They sit down to eat soon after. Time seems to go too quickly, even though they’re talking with their mouths full and smiling like idiots in love. Jinyoung supposes that’s not too far from the truth.

“I have to go,” Jaebeom says once he’s finished washing the dishes, leaning against the sink. Jinyoung has made himself another cup of coffee, pursing his lips behind the mug in his hand. “I’ll… I’ll see you Monday, anyways.”

“Okay,” Jinyoung answers but doesn’t repeat that he doesn’t want him to go, because he's only said it a million times. He needs to go home, too. He spends too much time with children - the want to throw a tantrum and beg him to stay is something Jinyoung ignores because he’s not a  _ child _ but that doesn’t mean his thoughts will stop.

“Don’t miss me too much,” Jaebeom says when he steps forward, his fingers dancing along Jinyoung’s jaw. It’s so easy to close his eyes, relax into his hold and pretend that they could stay like this forever.

“Quick question,” Jinyoung whispers as Jaebeom leans his forehead against his. “How’s everything with your mother?”

Jaebeom closes his eyes and sighs, his breath fanning against Jinyoung’s lips before he clears his throat. “It’s… She won’t talk to me now. Mark ripped into her too, so she’s not very happy with me.”

“Should I be worried?”

Jaebeom hums, shaking his head. “No, I don’t think so. I’ll tell you if anything happens. But she won’t take me to court, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“In time,” Jinyoung says, tipping his head up a little, “it will be okay. As long as Yugyeom is happy where he is.”

Jaebeom nods, slipping his hand into Jinyoung’s hair and plays with it between his fingers. He smiles before he closes the space between them, his other hand still pressed against Jinyoung’s jaw. It’s embarrassing that Jinyoung knows for a fact that he could write poetry about the way Jaebeom kisses. God knows Jaebeom’s already done that for him.

Jinyoung pulls him in by his waist, one of his hands straying a little too far down, so he quickly pulls it back. Jaebeom laughs into his mouth, his smile pressed against his lips.

“I’m not having sex with you in your kitchen,” he whispers and Jinyoung knew that already (he didn’t expect anything other than comfortably touching Jaebeom’s ass) but he still throws his head back and groans for the dramatic effect.

“I’m kidding, you know,” he quickly tells him, just in case. “We can… I feel like a teenager- I can’t even say it.”

“Have sex?” Jaebeom offers for him. “I know, Jinyoung. You’re ready and I’m ready, right?”

Jinyoung nods because that’s exactly what he said last night and he meant it. “Right. I’ll be ready. But you should go.”

“Oh, tough guy telling me to leave now?” Jaebeom dances away before Jinyoung can tell him off. “I’m leaving! You can touch my ass on the way out!”

“Not much to touch,” Jinyoung calls after him. For a moment he thinks Jaebeom doesn’t hear him but the blonde comes back with his bag over his shoulder, his eyebrows raised in challenge. For a moment, Jinyoung wants to repeat it but his mind goes completely blank and all he can say is, “You should get an eyebrow piercing.”

Jaebeom blinks in surprise and tongues at his lip ring out of habit. His fingers touch at his eyebrow for a second before he smiles, his eyes lighting up. “I’ve wanted one for a while,” he admits, a little sheepishly but Jinyoung finds it endearing.

He finds everything about Jaebeom endearing. “Then get one. I’ll see you Monday.”

Jaebeom kisses him quickly just to tease and slips away from him before Jinyoung can get carried away. He watches the older man go just to make sure he makes it to the elevator even though it’s nine in the morning so there’s no danger. Jaebeom winks at him over his shoulder before the doors close and Jinyoung laughs until he feels like an idiot, resting his forehead on his front door.

It’s pathetic to say he misses Jaebeom already and yet that doesn’t make it any less true.

  
  


***

“I didn’t think you’d actually do it,” Jinyoung hisses as he drags Jaebeom to his office. He needs Jaebeom to update his payment because he switched banks, but Jaebeom didn’t have an eyebrow piercing the last time they met so that’s the last thing on his mind right now.

“I didn’t think you’d react like this,” the older man laughs. His hair all fits into a small bun on top of his head, his bangs falling out to frame his face. Jinyoung finds it irresistibly attractive, and curses the fact that he can't even kiss Jaebeom right now.

Jinyoung shuts the door behind him and stares at Jaebeom, his fingers itching to touch but he knows he can’t. The piercing is new and Jaebeom doesn’t need any added stress. Jinyoung knows next to nothing about facial piercings but he can’t imagine the healing time is anymore pleasant than a regular piercing.

“How many is that now?” he asks softly, settling for cupping Jaebeom’s cheek instead.

Jaebeom closes his eyes as he tries to think, his brow furrowing just enough to tug at the piercing. It must hurt because he grimaces, his eyes opening again. “Eleven. Maybe twelve.”

“ _ Maybe _ twelve?” Jinyoung echoes, suddenly scared. There’s his tongue, lip,  _ eyebrow _ , nose, six ear piercings and… “Where are the other two?” Is there an ear piercing he missed? Well, two?

“I don’t know if you’d count the piercing as one whole piercing or two,” Jaebeom answers, his eyes flicking away. “It’s… two, technically.”

Jinyoung stares at him for a moment before it hits him. “Is your… Did you-” He gestures down with his spare hand.

“No!” Jaebeom yells, slapping his hand over Jinyoung’s mouth. “No, I did not  _ pierce my dick _ . People do that and that’s fine but no, I have not done that.”

Jinyoung’s voice is muffled against Jaebeom's hand when he speaks again and if anyone were to walk in (Wonpil has a habit of showing up when Jinyoung doesn’t need him to), this would be very hard to explain. “How was I supposed to know that?” he hisses back, tugging at Jaebeom’s wrist. “Then where?”

“You’ll find out!” Jaebeom snaps, his eyes wide. His cheeks are flushed completely red, matching his loose shirt and Jinyoung has no idea how he’s going to focus on his  _ bank details _ after that. “Can we just- You need my updates?”

Jinyoung sighs, trying to focus. They have work to do. “I think I need a glass of wine too if you’re offering,” he mutters but sits at his desk, letting Jaebeom gather himself and hand over his documents.

They sit in a rather strained silence as Jinyoung types up his information. Jaebeom doesn’t have to be here for him to do that, now that he has his document but he doesn’t leave, content to look around Jinyoung’s office for a little while. 

“You’ve been to Europe?” he asks when he spots a frame photo of Jinyoung and his sisters in France, arm in arm. He’s nineteen in the photo and Jaebeom seems to pick up on that from the way he coos. “You were so small! Where did all your muscle come from?”

His hand kneads Jinyoung’s shoulder as he holds the frame and Jinyoung hums, relaxing into the touch. “I grew up late. Having two sisters will do that to you.”

“You were so cute,” Jaebeom pouts, looking down at him. “Big pudgy cheeks. But your ears are still big.”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “Don’t remind me. They’ve never changed.”

“You’re still cute,” Jaebeom whispers in his ear, leaving a kiss on his cheek. “I gotta go but I can’t kiss you in the doorway.”

Jinyoung hums and returns the gesture. It’s still his workplace, so Jaebeom is only looking out for him. Not that anyone would mind but even still, it’s important to be safe.

“Not now,” Jinyoung whispers when Jaebeom presses him back into his chair. “Go pick your brother up.”

“Yes, sir,” Jaebeom smiles, sneaking through the kitchen even though he’s really not supposed to. Jinyoung decides to follow him because there’s no way in hell he’s going to get the updated files finished now.

It seems like Yugyeom has been waiting for Jaebeom because he meets his eyes with furrowed brows, as if Jaebeom being here to pick him up is the strangest thing yet.

“Why did you come through the kitchen?” he asks. It's not like he’s not the only one left; Jackson is rarely ever here late but he’s still at the table with Younghyun, doing his math homework again. He seems to find the situation funny, especially when Jinyoung attempts to step out behind him and act like everything is normal.

“I… Uh-” Jaebeom stutters, his cheeks colouring pink as his eyes blow wide. “Jinyoung and I were… talking. About stuff.”

“Oh, yeah?” Jackson fires back but Younghyun tells him off, glaring at him. “What? I wasn’t going to say anything mean.”

‘No, but you weren’t going to say anything nice.”

Jinyoung hides his smile by pressing his lips together. Jaebeom shoves him and they glare at each other for a few moments, which really doesn't help at all. As per usual, Yugyeom takes charge.

He walks right up to Jinyoung, tugs on his cardigan so he’ll bend down and stares right through him. Jaebeom must have cut his hair because there’s nothing hiding his eyes. Jinyoung swallows, strangely nervous.

“Hyung likes you,” Yugyeom says, just like he did almost two months ago. “Do you like hyung too?”

“I-” Jinyoung blinks, glancing at Jaebeom who pulls a face, having no idea how to respond. Younghyun snorts and poorly hides it by tapping Jackson’s textbook. The fourth grader is no better, staring at the ceiling like it’s the most interesting thing in the world.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung finally says, looking at Jaebeom again. “I really like him. I think he’s kind of obsessed with me, don’t you think?”

“I think so,” Yugyeom replies and Jaebeom throws his hands up. “But I like you too. Are you my hyung’s boyfriend?”

Younghyun coughs awkwardly, his eyes wide but Jinyoung isn’t worried. He smiles sweetly at Yugyeom, fixing his jacket on his shoulders. “Yes, I am. Is that okay with you?”

Yugyeom looks back at Jaebeom with his eyebrows raised, too smart for his own good. “I like Jinyoung-hyung. Don’t be silly.”

Jaebeom stares at him before he kneels on the floor, next to Jinyoung. “Just for you, I won’t. Because you like Jinyoungie-hyung so much.”

Yugyeom seems satisfied with that, nodding curtly. “Good. Thank you, hyung.”

Jinyoung smiles at the two of them as he stands up. His heart feels warm to see Jaebeom watch Yugyeom grab his bag, a soft smile on his lips. It’s almost too domestic for the classroom they’re in but Jinyoung wouldn’t change it for the world.

“Unfortunately, I love him,” Jaebeom says when Jinyoung steps close to him, leaning his head on his shoulder. “But I won’t be silly. I do really like you.”

Jinyoung slips his hand into Jaebeom’s and kisses his knuckles quickly, pulling away to smile. He’s cute, the way his hair is pinned up and the pink blush on the tops of his ears. Jinyoung has seen all of his blushes - from alcohol, from embarrassment, from happiness - and it’s too beautiful for him not to stare at.

“I like you too,” he whispers before Yugyeom walks up to him and takes Jaebeom’s hand when Jinyoung drops it. “See you, hyung. Bye, Yugyeom. Have a good night.”

Yugyeom looks over his shoulder when they walk away and winks. Jinyoung can’t help the laugh that escapes him, throwing his head back. Younghyun chuckles and soon Jackson’s mother comes through the door to pick him up, leaving the two of them in silence.

“I like him,” Younghyun grins, his hands in his pockets. “I think he’s good. He’s funny. Wonpil says you don’t date guys like that.”

“Wonpil thinks blasting my business is his job, I see,” Jinyoung sighs, even though he’s right. Everything about Jaebeom is different to anything he could have imagined. Jinyoung knows he’s in love with all that Jaebeom has to offer, the good parts and the bad parts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no see uni kicked my ass as did work so im sorry this is late lol but here you go. i'm probably going to end this in maybe 3 more chapters so thank you for sticking with me and loving this story :)


	9. nine

When Jaebeom suggested that Jinyoung come along with him to a few arcades, he had agreed. But, when Jaebeom mentioned that Yugyeom would be with them for a day out, Jinyoung had been a little more hesitant.

It’s not as if Jinyoung doesn’t know Yugyeom well, but outside of work, their relationship is non-existent. Jinyoung is his brother's boyfriend  _ and _ his supervisor at work. Sometimes he feels that those two things cannot coexist.

But Jaebeom assures them they can and the invitation to this day out proves it. So, he holds his breath and accepts, dressing himself casually. There’s nothing more he expects other than a nice day.

Jinyoung intends to tell Jaebeom how much the boy has grown, how far he has come during their time together because it’s been some time since the start of the year. It’s been a good time together and Jinyoung knows Jaebeom likes to hear about Yugyeom’s progress so it’s even more important now that Jiynoung is even more involved in their lives.

He’s early, waiting outside the strip of arcades with his hands in his pockets. It's not long before he spots Jaebeom, though he can't see Yugyeom with him, which confuses him. It’s not crowded so Jinyoung is lucky that he sees Yugyeom before the boy can sprint past him, reaching out and grabbing him as Jaebeom continues running towards them. 

Yugyeom screams as Jinyoung spins him in his arms so he can recognise him. “Why are you running so fast?” he asks in a rush. Yugyeom squirms but grabs Jinyoung’s lapels and wraps his arms around his neck, holding him tightly. “Okay, buddy. Let’s… I need to breathe.”

“Sorry,” Yugyeom mumbles, right as Jaebeom finally reaches them. He leans his arms on his knees, panting. 

“Yugyeom-” Jaebeom breathes, tucking his hair behind his ears quickly. “Yugyeom, you can’t do that to me, kid! Not in public.”

Jinyoung hums and Yugyeom lets him pull him away from his shoulder. “Come on, no tears today. Why did you run? If hyung was bad, I’ll tell him off.”

Yugyeom smiles while Jaebeom balks, throwing his hands up. But the boy just shakes his head, rubbing at his eyes. “I wanted to see you first but hyung said I couldn’t.”

“Because it’s dangerous,” Jinyoung says, even though he wants to coo at him and pinch his cheeks. “Busy roads, people all around. You have to be careful, so that’s why hyung probably wanted to walk with you. You’re lucky I found you or you could have gotten lost.”

Yugyeom huffs but he seems to understand, shrugging his shoulders. He asks to be put down and takes Jaebeom’s hand in silent apology once he's back on the ground. Jaebeom sighs in relief and pulls his hair back, his other hand slipping up Jinyoung’s spine.

“Hi,” he greets breathlessly, managing a smile. Jinyoung returns him with a smile and resists the urge to kiss him. Not now, in broad daylight with Yugyeom right there.

“Let’s go?” Jinyoung asks softly, linking his arm with Jaebeom, waving it off as a means to keep each other close. Jaebeom doesn’t seem to mind, tucking his hand into his pocket as Jinyoung’s fingers settle on his bicep.

It’s nice to spend time with them both, together like this. Yugyeom is comfortable, excited and although he runs around the arcade like he’s had too much sugar, he always makes sure Jinyoung or Jaebeom can see him.

“We should have asked him if Bambam wanted to come,” Jaebeom wonders, when Jinyoung is way too absorbed in a claw game. “With his mother, of course. Or… maybe just with me."

“Yes, it would look a little strange with me tagging along,” Jinyoung answers, his eyes wide and focused. Yugyeom has his face pressed against the side of the machine so Jaebeom tuts at him because it’s dirty, pulling him away.

“You can watch him from here,” he says, standing behind Jinyoung as the claw drops. They all hold their breath as the plush he manages to grab goes up, up,  _ up. _

“Come on,” Jaebeom whispers, his hand on Jinyoung’s spine. None of them move and Jinyoung tenses up as the plushie drops at the last second, just before the shoot. Jaeebom groans but Yugyeom shouts because the plushie balances on the plastic guard of the shoot. It wobbles there for a moment before falling the right way, into the shoot.

Jinyoung pulls it out and hands it to Yugyeom, a little bear with a sunflower in its paw. The boy grins so bright and wide that Jinyoung can’t help but feel warm. 

“The sunflower looks like you,” Jaebeom says, pointing to it.

Yugyeom fixes his eyes on the sunflower before he blinks and looks up at Jaebeom. “Then you are the bear.”

Jinyoung hums, standing up straight again as he dusts off his hands. “Yes, holding you tight and never letting you go. Hyung just loves you so much.”

Yugyeom sticks his tongue out at Jaebeom but lets himself be cuddled into his brother’s side. He has a little backpack on so Jinyoung tucks the bear into it, letting its head stick out the top. Yugyeom seems to like that a lot, shaking the bag on his shoulders and pulling Jaebeom out of the arcade, Jinyoung following.

It’s another few hours of mindlessly wandering, getting something to eat and wandering some more before Yugyeom has finally had enough, his feet dragging against the ground. Jaebeom lifts him into his arms with some struggle, since Yugyeom is bigger than the average six year old. It isn’t long until he’s nodding off on his shoulder as the sun begins to set. 

“Help me get him into the car?” Jaebeom asks softly and Jinyoung smiles, nodding.

“It feels like that night,” Jinyoung says when Jaebeom is clipping Yugyeom into the backseat. “When it was raining and you were late.”

“And you had to call,” Jaebeom laughs, shutting the door quietly. He leans on the car and crosses his arms, pretty in his long coat. “And I felt so bad. I think I liked you then.”

“You’re funny,” Jinyoung snipes, looking down his nose at him. “Can I kiss you?”

Jaebeom drops his arms and draws Jinyoung in by his hands on his cheeks, pressing his smile to Jinyoung's lips. “I like it when you ask,” he whispers once he's pulled back. Jinyoung laughs, going back for a second kiss, tilting his head for a better angle.

“I like your hair,” he says when Jaebeom ducks his head down, flustered. “The blonde is nice. It looked like a mess when you first did it, but it’s nice.”

Jaebeom chuckles, his eyes watching Jinyoung’s face, smoothing his fingers over his cheekbones. “I think I will dye it again. Back to black… Maybe with a sheen of blue.”

Jinyoung blinks at him. “You can do that?”

“Yeah, you want to help?”

He smiles, pressing his lips to Jaebeom’s cheek. “I’d like that. Get home safe.” He draws away slowly, Jaebeom’s fingers slipping through his when he steps back. “Text me when you get home.”

“Always,” Jaebeom says in a whisper, only for Jinyoung to hear. They smile at each other, somehow still shy. Jinyoung turns away to find his car wherever he parked it. He honestly doesn’t remember because his mind won’t let him go that far back but a little bit of aimless wandering isn’t anything new for today.

He manages to get home once he finds his car and finds that Jaebeom has already texted him. Jaebeom sends a photo of him and Yugyeom and tells Jinyoung he misses him so Jinyoung says the same, because he does.

  
  


_ JB HYUNG [17:44] _

meet me this weekend? after this week

i want to see you lol

  
  


Jinyoung licks his lips and agrees, smiling at his phone like a lovesick teenager. He feels like his world is blooming, beautiful and sweet smelling and Jaebeom is asking him to see it with him. 

Jinyoung has no choice but to agree because he wants to see it too.

  
  


***

Jinyoung’s week passes in a blur. 

Before he knows it, it’s Friday night and Mark has just picked Yugyeom up, marking the last child to leave. Jinyoung leaves soon after, Wonpil promising to lock up. He makes it home before six thirty to find Jaebeom waiting outside his apartment.

Jinyoung leans in to kiss him in lieu of greeting. “You’re good?”

“Never better,” Jaebeom answers, kissing him once more before he holds up a takeout box of chicken. “Have you eaten?”

“Been at work.” Jinyoung unlocks his door and leads them inside, taking the chicken from him and sets it on the bench. “You’ve got too much time for me.”

Jaebeom snorts, rolling his eyes. “Because I like you so much. Pass my chicken.”

Jinyoung sets them up to eat, but stays at the kitchen bench, not bothering to move. It’s almost domestic but there’s something different between them, something that Jaebeom keeps shifting his feet about. Jinyoung doesn’t address it because if there’s something bothering Jaebeom, he should be able to say it.

After a few more stressful moments, Jaebeom sets his fork down and says, “I’m ready.”

“For what?” Jinyoung is genuinely curious, especially since Jaebeom’s eyes are serious, burning into him as he meets his gaze.

Jaebeom swallows, his lips pressing together. “You said you were ready when I was ready.”

Jinyoung furrows his brows before he realises what the hell Jaebeom is talking about. Oh. Oh fuck. “S-So, you- Like, right now? With me?”

“No, with Mark,” Jaebeom retorts, frowning. “Of course with you, idiot. Who else?”

Jinyoung puts his fork down and swallows, trying to figure out what he’s supposed to say right now. It’s not that he’s not ready - he  _ is _ \- but up until a minute ago his sole plans for tonight was to eat chicken, watch a movie and go to bed.

But honestly, sex sounds better than all those things combined. He turns to Jaebeom completely, offers his hands and lets the older man get comfortable in his grasp. Jaebeom locks his arms around his neck, flicking his bangs out of his eyes and sighs. He’s nervous, Jinyoung can tell, so he pulls him in close and kisses him.

“I’ll take care of you.” He whispers and Jaebeom smiles, kissing him back. 

“I bite,” the elder says, his smile never wavering. Jinyoung hums, rubbing their noses together. He takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom.

“Question.” Jinyoung turns after shutting the door. Jaebeom already has his shirt off. Normally, Jinyoung wouldn’t have commented at all but something quite literally sticks out to him and Jaebeom goes quiet, his hands raising to hide his nipples. 

Jinyoung grabs his hands, meeting his eyes. “That’s what you meant,” he comments, not a question. “With how many piercings. Your nipples.”

Jaebeom glances down, his flush creeping down his neck. “I got them when I was twenty-one.”

“You’re insane,” Jinyoung whispers, cupping his face. “You are  _ fucking _ insane.” Jaebeom smiles at him and Jinyoung kisses it off his face, his hands slipping around Jaebeom’s waist and making him shiver, goosebumps building on his arms.

“You can touch them,” Jaebeom mumbles when Jinyoung nibbles at his neck. His breath hitches when Jinyoung’s hand brushes over his nipple, his hand gripping Jinyoung’s hair suddenly.

“Good to know you’re eager,” he says, looking up a Jaebeom again. “But what experience do you have, even if it’s just… masturbation?”

Jaebeom is red in the face but still has it in him to laugh which is good to know. “You sound like a sex ed teacher. It’s kind of hot.”

Jinyoung raises a brow at him and Jaebeom presses his lips together, obediently shutting his mouth. “Jaebeom, answer me, please.”

“I’ve… In the shower, I’ve tried.”

Jinyoung nods and lets Jaebeom’s hands wander under his shirt and eventually pull it over his head. Jaebeom noses under his jaw like he did a few weeks ago, kissing his pulse point and- okay, he  _ bites _ . Jinyoung has never had much of an opinion on biting since he doesn’t do it himself but Jaebeom makes him shudder in his grasp.

“Can I leave…?” Jaebeom whispers the question against his neck and Jinyoung hums. He grips the hair on the back of his head in response to the stinging bite, and sighs when he licks and sucks at the spot. Already, he can feel tension curling in his gut, arousal making him all the more sensitive

He dimly registers just how much hair Jaebeom has as he pulls his head back when it becomes too much. Jinyoung almost groans when he sees how wet Jaebeom's mouth has gotten with his own spit.

The elder pants at him, pupils blown wide which is a definite ego boost. Jinyoung nods to the side, towards the bed and Jaebeom pulls him down in a rush, grinning at him. 

Jinyoung kneels between his legs and helps Jaebeom out of his belt, leaving his pants on for now. “I can-” Jaebeom is already whining so Jinyoung leans over him, pressing his lips to his quickly to shut him up.

“I’m making it last,” he breathes and Jaebeom swallows, overwhelmed. “Say stop and I’ll stop, okay? At any time.”

Jaebeom smiles at that, his eyes a little glassy already but still sparkling with what light they can hold in the darkness. “Okay,” he whispers, playing with Jinyoung’s hair. “Thank you. Really.”

Jinyoung kisses him again, soft and sweet just to send the right message. Jaebeom relaxes into the pillows as their tongues meet, drawing a small gasp from him. Jinyoung doesn’t do anything more but kiss him, their bodies pressed together, warm and comfortable. He said he’d make it last so that’s all he’s going to do for now.

It’s strange to think that Jinyoung had never had much of a liking for piercings, especially on men. Jaebeom truly did turn his world around even if Jinyoung has a feeling that it’s strictly a Jaebeom thing, unique to him, just like the sounds he makes when he swirls his tongue around one nipple, tugging on the already stiff bud with his teeth softly.

Jaebeom must be sensitive to begin with but the piercings are driving both of them mad for different reasons. Jinyoung can’t get enough; the feeling of the metal on his tongue and his fingers where he’s tugging on the other, abusing it until it’s in the same state as the other. When he switches his attention, Jaebeom cries out, his fingers in Jinyoung’s hair, gripping like it’s his lifeline.

“Jinyoung-” he gasps, his legs twitching and shifting, hooking behind Jinyoung’s. It’s like he’s not sure if he wants more or if he needs a breather. However, the moans escaping his lips and the grip on Jinyoung’s hair is enough silent guidance to know that he doesn’t want Jinyoung to stop.

“You keep doing that-” Jaebeom struggles, sucking in a sharp breath when Jinyoung pinches the other nipple, leaving kisses on his chest. “I’m… I’m not that easy.”

Jinyoung hums and blows on his chest, making the elder shiver. “I think you might be,” he smirks, biting at his chest to leave a few more marks that should be gone by the morning. That’s another thing he didn’t think he’d like - giving hickeys.

“Only because- Because it’s you,” Jaebeom answers, looking down at him. “Don’t get cocky.”

“Never,” he whispers, surging up to whisper in Jaebeom’s ear, nibbling on the lobe which gives him a very similar response. Jaebeom’s earrings are simple today, mismatched but pretty as always. Jinyoung leaves a kiss behind his ear, smiling when Jaebeom sighs dreamily.

Even though he’s  _ not that easy _ , Jaebeom starts to get restless, squirming beneath him, his nails scratching at Jinyoung’s back. It feels nice but Jinyoung can tell he’s getting frustrated so he leans on his arms, next to Jaebeom’s head and looks down at him.

“Do you want me to prep you?” he whispers, keeping their options open.

Jaebeom considers that for a second before he furrows his brows, unsure. “Is that better than if I do it?”

“I know how to, if it makes you feel any better.”

“Oh, I’m  _ sure _ you do,” Jaebeom retorts, smirking at him. Jinyoung rolls his eyes but stays where he is, letting the elder decide. “I think… I want to? And then you can fuck me.”

Jinyoung snorts suddenly but sits up, pulling Jaebeom with him. He leans over to his bedside table, handing Jaebeom the lube casually, still smiling at him. He grabs a condom and leaves it on the bed as Jaebeom shifts awkwardly, trying to figure out how to start.

“I’m…” The older moves again before sighing, pulling off his pants rather quickly. Jinyoung does the same, leaving his boxers on before sitting down with his legs stretched in front of him. When Jaebeom is finally naked, he straddles Jinyoung’s thighs again in a rush. 

Jaebeom sighs, irritated. “I seriously don’t know if this is-”

“Sit on my thighs,” Jinyoung says quickly, his hands on his hips and Jaebeom does as he’s told, staring at him. “Have- How do you think girls finger themselves?”

“Do they like that?”

Jinyoung lifts an eyebrow. “Have you ever had sex with a woman?”

“I’m- Fuck you,” Jaebeom spits but lets Jinyoung kiss him in reassurance. It’s only teasing. “I’m going to do it- Just talk to me, okay?”

Jinyoung nods and shuts his mouth while Jaebeom squeezes lube onto his fingers, warming the gel before he puts his clean hand on Jinyoung’s shoulder and shifts awkwardly. Jinyoung ends up snorting at him when Jaebeom pulls an uncomfortable face but he kisses at his collarbone in apology.

“You’re good,” Jinyoung whispers when Jaebeom drops his head to take a breath. “Don’t rush it, I can wait.” He smooths his hand up Jaebeom’s stomach, making him shudder.

“You- Just…” Jaebeom leans up, his hand grasping Jinyoung’s shoulder tightly suddenly. Jinyoung can’t see but based on Jaebeom’s reaction, he must have done something right.

“Talk?” Jinyoung offers and the elder nods shakily. “Should I write some poetry for you? About how beautiful you are?”

Jaebeom hums, staring down at Jinyoung with glazed eyes. He looks beautiful, flushed cheeks, panting as he adds a second finger, throwing his head back to relax into the new stretch. 

“You know you are,” Jinyoung whispers, whispering his words into Jaebeom’s neck as he plays with the jewelry in Jaebeom’s nipple, making his boyfriend gasp, his nails digging into Jinyoung’s shoulder. He grips his hair and it makes Jinyoung smile. “When you said you bite, I expected a lot worse but it’s still cute. You’re cute, Jaebeom.”

“I am,” Jaebeom returns, pulling Jinyoung’s head back by his hair. He decides to kiss Jinyoung’s cheek and ends up biting his neck softly. Jinyoung laughs because it doesn’t hurt but jumps when Jaebeom gasps, his fingers tightening on Jinyoung’s hair painfully. “It’s- I got… the third.”

“Okay,” Jinyoung laughs, smiling at him despite the pain. “You’re doing good. I’m sorry it’s taking time but I don’t want you to be hurt.”

“I know,” Jaebeom huffs, grimacing at the wet sound that fills the room. He’s comfortable now, his legs relaxing, his body unwinding. Jinyoung lets him withdraw his fingers slowly, his own hands running up and down his thighs. Jaebeom shifts to stretch out his legs and flops back on the pillows, staring at Jinyoung.

“Alright, good seeing you,” he jokes and Jaebeom slaps him in the chest. “Ow, okay- Let me take off my boxers. You didn’t mention that you’re impatient on top of being a biter.”

“Only because you’re being a smartass,” Jaebeom grumbles but goes silent when Jinyoung sits back on the bed, stark naked, his cheeks flushing. 

Jinyoung grins at him, leaning over him to kiss his cheek. “Now you’re shy?”

Jaebeom averts his eyes but hands him the condom anyway. “Your dick is big.”

Jinyoung turns his head to laugh before making his descent down Jaebeom’s body, leaving kisses in his wake. The older relaxes once again with a sigh. “You’re not too shy yourself.”

Jaebeom snorts, his breath hitching when Jinyoung’s fingers slip into his. He moans loudly when Jinyoung palms his cock, his leg twitching once. Clearly, he's been neglected.

“Up,” Jinyoung whispers, and the elder obeys, letting their legs slot together. Jinyoung guides his face to look at him, smiling softly and Jaebeom shyly smiles back, his eyes wide and innocent. 

Pushing in is a little more work than anticipated. He goes painfully slow, watching Jaebeom's face carefully, giving him plenty of time to adjust to his size. Jaebeom is out of breath by the time Jinyoung bottoms out, leaning over him again to kiss him quickly to bring him back. It’s tight so even Jinyoung needs some time to adjust, his breath hitching as Jaebeom throws his head back, panting into the open air.

“Okay?” Jinyoung asks awkwardly. Jaebeom nods quickly, telling him to move. He starts off slow so Jaebeom can get used to the feeling. It’s an ego boost when the elder’s sharp breaths turn into choked moans, his hands covering his face to hide his flushed cheeks.

Jinyoung can’t have that. He takes one hand from Jaebeom’s face, intertwining their fingers again. “Look at me,” he rumbles. Jaebeom obeys, his eyes glassy. There’s a sheen of sweat over their bodies already. When Jinyoung speeds up, Jaebeom’s back arches as he cries out, tears slipping from his eyes.

Jinyoung slows down at that out of concern but Jaebeom wraps his legs around his waist, pulling him flush inside and thus, their faces centimetres apart. “No, I-I’m fine,” he gasps, wrapping his other arm around his neck to kiss him.

Jinyoung swallows his noises as they come, licking into his mouth roughly. He should be concerned and he  _ is _ because Jaebeom is crying but Jaebeom won’t let him go, his legs tight around Jinyoung’s waist. He keeps saying Jinyoung’s name like a prayer, keeping him close. His eyes are squeezed closed and the smell of sex is all around them, weighted and blanketing over them so neither can complain.

Jinyoung can barely breathe with Jaebeom underneath him, the sight of him too much to comprehend. Jaebeom’s skin is flushed down to his chest and Jinyoung is no better, his hair sticking to his forehead, his cheeks flaming hot.

He can’t help but marvel at the tear tracks on Jaebeom’s face, how shiny his eyes are. When he turns his head into the pillow, his hair messy around his head, all Jinyoung can think is how much he loves him. 

“It- Wait-” Jaebeom suddenly whispers, mewling when Jinyoung completely bottoms out, his back arching a final time as he comes. Jinyoung really isn’t far behind him, considering how Jaebeom clenches around him, so he keeps going, chasing his release.

His mind is a blur and Jaebeom is no better, whining loudly when Jinyoung comes inside the condom, his eyes wide as he stares at the ceiling. His fingers squeeze Jinyoung’s and his other hand covers his eyes to hide his tears.

Jaebeom grimaces when Jinyoung pulls out, tying the condom off and quickly leaving to throw it into the bin in the bathroom. Jaebeom fusses the entire time he’s gone so when he gets back, Jaebeom doesn’t hesitate to pull him into a kiss, tears still on his face.

“If I knew,” Jaebeom says against his lips between the kiss, “that  _ that _ was what it was like, I would have been experimenting with boys a lot sooner.”

“Thank you for giving me your ass virginity,” Jinyoung teases, earning an eye roll from the elder. “But it was good? You’re not in pain?”

Jaebeom purses his lips, trying to look coy but fails horribly, considering what they’ve just done. “I might be. But a good pain.” He wipes under his eyes, getting rid of the tear stains on his cheeks. “I liked it, don’t worry. Can we go again later?”

Jinyoung snorts. He has to drop his head on Jaebeom’s chest, his ears hot. “Yeah, we can,” he agrees, despite the embarrassment warming his skin. Jaebeom laughs, his own chest flushed. “Thank you for trusting me.”

The elder hums, his fingers tangling in Jinyoung’s hair. Even though they’re still naked and Jinyoung hasn't bothered to avoid the mess on Jaebeom’s stomach, his arm just a little sticky, it’s somehow nice. They really should shower or just clean up in general but neither of them make the move to do so, content to stay within each other’s warmth in their own bubble.

He was worried that Jaebeom would be more scared but Jinyoung is happy everything went so well. He remembers being terrified for his first time and though Jaebeom isn’t exactly inexperienced, he's never been with a man, so Jinyoung is glad that Jaebeom trusts him.

His thoughts wander in the silence and he’s going to need to address the fact that his brain screamed at him to blurt out his feelings to Jaebeom mid orgasm but he avoids it now. It’s not that he’s scared of confessing that he loves Jaebeom but the time isn’t right. He knows Jaebeom won’t reject him but it’s a little too soon so he’ll leave things how they are.

“We need to shower,” he finally whispers against Jaebeom’s collarbone, leaving a kiss there as he stands up. Jaebeom whines but lets Jinyoung pull him up, leaning over his shoulder. “You shower and I’ll make us a drink, or something.”

Jaebeom hums but ends up running himself a bath after he rinses his body. Jinyoung walks back into the bathroom with pants on and two glasses of whiskey, confused as to why he’s taking so long. Jaebeom grins up at him, very proud of himself as he fiddles with the bubbles. Jinyoung rolls his eyes, but doesn't hesitate to hand him a glass.

“Cheers, babe,” he says, clinking his glass to Jinyoung’s as he sits on the toilet seat, sighing. “Don’t make fun of me for crying, also. I get overwhelmed easily.”

Jinyoung smiles into his glass, tangling his fingers with Jaebeom’s bubble covered ones on the side of the tub. “Does that happen a lot?” he teases.

Jaebeom shrugs and pulls his legs up to his chest, balancing his glass on his knee. “Some girls thought it was cute. I don’t do it all the time but…” He glares at Jinyoung when he starts laughing. “You’re just fishing for compliments. You’re the best dick I’ve ever had so stop bragging.”

“Well, there’s not much competition.”

“You’re a really good kisser, if it makes you feel any better.”

Jinyoung sits up straight and puffs at his chest out, feeling awfully proud of himself. He’s not a jealous person, really, but Jaebeom complimenting him is bound to make him feel good. He’s just glad he didn’t hurt him.

“I could fall asleep here,” Jaebeom says after a while, his eyes tired. He looks up at Jinyoung again and smiles softly, the heat from the water making the tips of his hair curl. “Thank you. For everything. For taking care of me and being patient. I… I haven’t felt like this in a while.”

“Hey,” Jinyoung says softly, leaning down to kiss him once. “Me either. But you’re turning into a prune so get up.”

Jaebeom grunts, leaning back in the bath, defeated. “The beautiful moment we just had is now ruined.”

“We can have more if you get out of the bath?”

Jaebeom slowly blinks, raising his eyebrows. He downs his whiskey in a rush and hands Jinyoung his glass before he stands up, almost slipping in his rush to get out. 

Jinyoung stands there in shock, blinking at him. The bubbles on Jaebeom’s body are leaving nothing to the imagination but then again, they just had sex for the first time. There’s a lot more for them to discover about each other and yet, not a lot at all.

“Okay,” Jinyoung says, downing his own whiskey as he struggles not to laugh. “Let’s go,  _ babe _ .”

“Joke’s on you,” Jaebeom smiles, snatching a towel from his towel rack and wrapping it around his waist. “I like being called that.” His tone is a challenge, low and settling in Jinyoung’s ears. He decides he better use that knowledge to his advantage.

***

Jaebeom is late again.

Mark is doing overtime for a project, so he can’t leave to come and get Yugyeom. Wonpil already left because it’s a Friday and he finishes early so Jinyoung is alone at six o’clock with Yugyeom sitting at the tables, staring blankly at a writing task he didn’t finish today.

“Do you need help?” Jinyoung asks awkwardly, unsure as to how to approach the boy because of their new found connection with Jinyoung being Jaebeom’s boyfriend. It’s not like anything has changed but he can’t help but feel like he might be intruding on something.

Yugyeom looks up at him with wide eyes, nodding once. Jinyoung rushes to sit down, knocking his knees on the desk because he’s way too big for it. Yugyeom smiles and lays his sheets out in front of him.

It’s a cold write - where Yugyeom has the beginning of a sentence and he has to write at least four sentences by himself about what he has done this year in school. Jinyoung is not supposed to help him, just observe and talk if needed. He can't help Yugyeom to spell any words, either.

He’s already written about making new friends and has correctly spelt Bambam and his own name. Jinyoung watches as the boy holds his pencil tightly and starts to write, as quiet as he usually is.

Jinyoung doesn’t have to help him, surprisingly. Usually, he’s the one encouraging Bambam to keep writing, to write this or that. He does the same with Chan when the boy struggles with his sentence structure.

But what’s special about Yugyeom is that he finishes his cold write rather quickly, turning the page so Jinyoung can read it. He blinks at it and as he realises what Yugyeom has written, he feels like crying. “You really think that way?” he whispers, pouting at him. “About me?”

Yugyeom nods, smiling up at him and Jinyoung feels his heart clench. 

_ This year, I found new friends. Bambam and I are best friends and I like playing at his house with his sister too. She gave my hyung new earrings. My hyung found someone like Bambam to me. His name is Jinyoung. I like him a lot and he is funny. He makes my hyung very happy and I hope he will stay in our lives for a long time. _

“Your hyung makes me really happy too,” Jinyoung tells him, holding up his pinkie. Yugyeom takes it, shaking their hands together and Jinyoung marvels at how small the boy’s hand is. He leans up against Jinyoung, letting him cuddle into his side.

“Your hyung loves you very much,” Jinyoung whispers into his hair, rubbing his arm. “You know that, right?”

Yugyeom nods which is good to see. “He loves you too. Mark-hyung and him are different. He talks about you a lot.”

“I know,” he smiles, knocking his shoulder with Yugyeom’s as the boy grins at him.

“Should I leave you two to talk all night?” Jaebeom asks, leaning on the doorframe. Yugyeom gathers his pages and grabs his bag while Jaebeom walks into the classroom and helps Jinyoung out of his chair.

“Someone’s late,” he greets warmly, letting Jaebeom pull him in.

“Someone is mentoring interns and gets blamed for their mistakes should they make them,” Jaebeom mocks, kissing him quickly. “Sorry, I probably taste like coffee.”

Jinyoung hums but he doesn’t mind at all. “I’ve tasted worse.”

Jaebeom frowns at him but Yugyeom walks up with his bag and says, “Broccoli?” and Jaebeom agrees just to end the conversation. 

Yugyeom grabs Jinyoung’s hand and looks up at him. “The arcades were fun,” he says, his eyes wide. “Can you spend time with us again?”

Jinyoung glances at Jaebeom, finding the elder grinning at him, raising his eyebrows. They’ve been thinking of ways for Jinyoung and Yugyeom to be more comfortable together, outside of school. Jaebeom and Jinyoung are taking their relationship seriously and with that comes Yugyeom.

“I’d love that,” Jinyoung tells him confidently. Yugyeom wraps his arms around Jinyoung’s waist, holding him as tight as he can in a hug. He’s shocked, to say the least. He smooths Yugyeom’s hair down, smiling at Jaebeom sweetly. It’s almost picture perfect, the three of them together. Jinyoung’s heart is full.

Jaebeom kisses him softly before Yugyeom pulls away, ready to go home now. He’s already had to stay longer than intended so Jaebeom holds off a little bit longer, just to make sure that Jinyoung is okay to pack up.

“I’ll text you when I’m home,” Jinyoung reassures him, waving to Yugyeom with a smile. “Have a good night and please rest. I’ll text you.”

Jaebeom hums, tucking his hair behind his ears again and Jinyoung remembers that he wanted to dye it. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

Yugyeom pulls Jaebeom out of the classroom, sick of their domestic house play and Jinyoung lets them go, his stomach filled with butterflies. They're still the honeymoon phase but Jinyoung has no idea if it’s ever going to stop.

He shakes his head to disperse his thoughts so he can focus and gather his things.

  
  


***

Jinyoung stares at Jaebeom’s head, the thin gloves sitting awkwardly on his hands. “I don’t have any idea on how to do this.”

Jaebeom stares at himself in the mirror, a towel pulled around his shoulders. “Fuck,” he laughs in disbelief. “It’s just like painting, babe.”

“I don’t know how to do that either?”

Jaebeom makes grabby hands for the bowl of hair dye and Jinyoung gives it to him without hesitation. He’s an expert at fucking up his hair in his bathroom but that’s when it comes to cutting it, not dyeing it.

“Get the dye,” Jaebeom says, scooping some up on the brush, “and put it on your head. Well, my head. Unless you want some.”

“Yeah, dye my black hair black.” Jinyoung looks at himself in the mirror regardless, brushing his bangs back. He takes the bowl back and there’s a knock at the front door which can only be Mark.

“In here!” Jaebeom yells, his voice echoing through the bathroom.

Mark sticks his head in, grinning at them. “Hey, Jinyoung, good to see you. Jaebeom, I’m going to make lunch for Yugyeom. Do you guys want anything?” He clicks his fingers at them, squinting in suspicion. “Keep it PG. No alcohol. And I’m making fried rice.”

“Then just give me the fried rice,” Jaebeom frowns, turning his head which startles Jinyoung. He almost grabs his face on accident and tenses up when Jaebeom whips his head back around, staring up at him. “Sorry.”

“Sorry is damn right,” Jinyoung blinks, taking a sharp breath. He didn’t realise he was holding it. “Look in the mirror or I will dye your neck blue.”

Jaebeom nods curtly, staring at himself in the mirror. “Yes, sir.”

Mark watches them for a few moments before he pulls a face and shrugs. “Okay, I’ll leave you to it. Jinyoung, I’ll put something on for you.”

“Thank you, hyung,” Jinyoung says after him. He stares down at the beginning of his dye work before he sighs, drops the brush into the sink and globs the dye onto Jaebeom’s head. “You want it all in one colour so it doesn’t matter what I do,” he defends and Jaebeom can’t argue with that.

“I think you’d look nice with brown hair,” Jaebeom mumbles after a while and drops his head when Jinyoung tilts it forward. “We should lighten your hair… You’d look nice.”

Jinyoung is about to respond but he spots Yugyeom blinking at them from the bathroom door, peeking out from the side. “Hi, Yugyeom. I’m dyeing hyung’s hair.”

“Blue?” he asks, trying to peer into the bowl that Jaebeom is holding up for Jinyoung but Jaebeom shakes his head, holding his hand out to stop him from coming further into the room. “I won’t come in! Mark-hyung already said I can’t.”

“Because of the chemicals,” Jinyoung tells him, raising his brows in warning. Yugyeom echoes him and closes the bathroom door, surprisingly not commenting on the fact that Jinyoung is here in his bathroom. It might be because Mark is in the kitchen, so it must feel like a friend coming over. Jinyoung will take what he can get.

But when he switches sides to paint Jaebeom’s hair, he sighs. “Has he said anything about me?”

“Yugyeom?” Jaebeom closes his eyes. “Not particularly. He talks about you when I pick him up and he really did like the arcade. He wants to do something with you soon, like he said.” He taps Jinyoung’s hand to make him stop, looking up at him.

Well, that’s better than nothing, so Jinyoung shrugs. “I don’t want to intrude where I’m not welcome. I’m just worried about crossing the line between school and home life, I suppose. I’m not his teacher but he might not be able to separate that. I’m already intruding, I guess.”

“He’s been okay so far?” Jaebeom is right - Yugyeom is the only reason Jinyoung had the guts to confront Jaebeom about their relationship together so he clearly knew more than either of them. “Yugyeom knows you’re safe, I guess.”

Jinyoung leans down and kisses him in thanks. Jaebeom grins at him, his eyes sparkling. Jinyoung could keep kissing him but his hair isn’t done and Jaebeom would be annoyed if he half assed it.

So, he gets to it.

“Okay, you’re done,” Jinyoung says after a while, pulling off his gloves. “Is it supposed to look black?”

Jaebeom shifts his head and the blue sheen is there suddenly, making Jinyoung marvel at him. Jaebeom smiles, sticking his tongue out and shifts the towel around his shoulders, standing up.

“Thank you,” he whispers, kissing him softly and Jinyoung feels warm. “I’ll wash it out in…” He scans the box with squinted eyes, mumbling the instructions before saying, “thirty minutes.”

It’s right on time, since Mark calls out that the food is ready. Jaebeom yanks open the door and meets Yugyeom’s eyes at the table before he sits down, staring at his brother intensely. 

The little boy stares back before he smiles at him, not able to hold it in anymore. “Will Jinyoung-hyung dye his hair?” he asks. Jinyoung shakes his head but Jaebeom nods. They turn to each other in shock. 

“You won’t?”

“I never said that I  _ would _ ,” Jinyoung answers, furrowing his brows. “You said I’d look nice and I went with it. I’d have to lighten my hair to do anything so I can’t be bothered.”

“But…” Jaebeom pouts at him but Jinyoung isn’t taking it and sits next to Yugyeom at the table, grinning at him.

“Hyung thinks he knows everything,” he whispers and Yugyeom nods, blinking at him. “Do you want to dye your hair when you’re older?”

Yugyeom shrugs and picks up his fork. “I don’t know. Mark-hyung looks nice with red hair.”

The eldest laughs from the kitchen, shaking his head. “You remember that, Gyeom? It was right when we met.” He chuckles at Jinyoung’s confused expression. “I dyed my hair bright red just before I met Yugyeom for the first time. He probably remembers because I didn’t change my hair for almost a year afterwards.”

“Do you remember my grey hair?” Jaebeom asks and Jinyoung just stares at him, unable to picture it. The conversation devolves into Jaebeom flicking through his phone, showing Jinyoung his various hair colours and haircuts. 

Yugyeom ends up in Jaebeom’s lap as they start going through photos of Jaebeom from before Yugyeom was even born. Some of them are cute, namely the ones from high school. Jaebeom was blonde for his graduation and Jinyoung pulls his phone out to compare their photos together. Yugyeom picks Jinyoung’s as better looking and says Jaebeom looks silly without his piercings to which the elder agrees.

Mark offers up Jaebeom in college with pink hair that Jinyoung begs to be sent to him which he makes his background as soon as he gets it. The day passes so nicely, even when Jinyoung has to struggle to wash out Jaebeom’s hair, leaning over him to rinse it in the bathtub. Jaebeom complains the whole time and Mark tells them to hurry up so he can go home.

Jinyoung sits with Yugyeom in the living room watching television as Jaebeom dries his hair, Mark having just left. The little boy doesn’t say much, since the cartoons are on so he’s glued to the screen, his eyes wide as he counts along with the talking numbers.

Jinyoung looks up at Jaebeom when he comes out of the bathroom again, his hair half dry and a pretty navy blue. “It looks nice,” he tells him. Jaebeom presses a kiss to his forehead, sitting in between him and Yugyeom. He ruffles Yugyeom’s hair before he purses his lips, fiddling with his bangs.

“We should get you a haircut again,” he mumbles and Yugyeom blankly agrees, not bothering to look at his brother. “You don’t mind Jinyoungie being here?”

“No,” he answers honestly, finally looking at him. “Should I care?”

Jaebeom shakes his head, offering his pinkie. “If you’re uncomfy, tell me, okay? No offense to Jinyoung, but I love you more than him.” Jinyoung scoffs softly but he knew that. He’s not offended. 

Yugyeom links his pinkie with Jaebeom’s and leans over to do the same to Jinyoung. “I will tell you if I’m uncomfy,” he says, serious. Jinyoung nods, shaking his pinkie. “But I don’t mind. It’s funny when you’re here.” He slips back to his seat, back to the cartoons.

“Yugyeom thinks I’m funny,” Jinyoung teases, right into Jaebeom’s ear. The elder rolls his eyes but doesn’t disagree. “But I do need to go home. Your hair looks good.”

“Thank you, babe,” Jaebeom grins, standing up to follow him to the door. Yugyeom is content to stay on the couch while they linger in the doorway so Jaebeom takes his time in saying goodbye.

“I’m not dying,” Jinyoung laughs, humming when Jaebeom kisses him, his hands on his cheek. “I’ll see you Monday, okay?”

Jaebeom nods, kissing his cheek softly before he finally lets him go, opening the door for him. He does the same thing Jinyoung always does, waiting for him to get into the elevator before he shuts the door. Jinyoung feels like he’s in a high school all over again, falling for a boy hard, caught up in the fantasy of it all.

Except Jaebeom is serious, so he can hardly call him a fantasy. Jinyoung smiles to himself, feeling on top of the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slow because my editor took his time :) im jk but yes


	10. final

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't stress, there will be an epilogue after this lol. sorry for the wait

“You’re really in love with him, huh?” Wonpil asks one morning, leaning on the table like a fat cat after its dinner.

No one has come in yet; it’s way too early for someone to walk in so they have time to talk. Jinyoung likes chatting to Wonpil - they’re best friends for a reason - but not when he’s being cornered and the topic is about his relationship.

But then again, it’s Wonpil, so Jinyoung looks over to him from the kitchen doorway and he huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “And if I said yes?” he answers, sly. 

“Then I would be happy for you,” Wonpil returns, giving him his signature smile that Jinyoung replicates. It’s innocent enough. “Really, I am. Have you told him, though?”

There it is. The big L word conversation. Jinyoung shakes his head again. “It’s… I almost did. But it needs to be right, I guess. I know there’s never a ‘perfect’ time or whatever but…”

Wonpil hums and stands up when they hear someone close their car door outside. It’s probably Jackson, first in as usual. “I’m sure you’ll find that moment soon, Jinyoung. I’m just glad you found him.”

Jinyoung smiles, happy to hear that he’s not the only one who feels confident. Wonpil has been through most of Jinyoung’s ‘casual’ relationships, if they can even be called that. While he would beg Jinyoung to find someone who wasn’t afraid to show off their relationship, he would still be there for Jinyoung when he came crashing down at the end of every breakup.

He really loves Wonpil, truly. He sort of has to, since Jinyoung has put the man through countless hours of debate on whether or not a man really likes him for his personality or his body. It was always the latter.

But Jinyoung is glad that Wonpil has no reservations about Jaebeom because that’s exactly what Jinyoung wants. He doesn’t want to wait for the penny to drop. He’s realised that he’s never felt that way with Jaebeom. There’s no lurking  _ I don’t actually like you like that _ conversation waiting to be had.

As their time together progresses, Jinyoung falls more and more and for once, he knows Jaebeom is doing the same. 

The day passes slowly but Jinyoung is already excited because he planned to spend time at Jaebeom’s. He follows them in his own car to go home after the program closes, laughing when Yugyeom manages to get out of the car before Jaebeom, racing towards Jinyoung to drag him inside.

“He’s excited,” Jaebeom says when he’s out of the car, his hands on his hips. “I bought ingredients for tofu soup. It’s my favourite and Yugyeom likes making it so do you want to help?”

“That’s why I came over, isn’t it?” Jinyoung returns, smiling at him. “I’m happy to. Yugyeom, I’ll be your sous chef, okay?”

“Sure,” he answers, pulling Jinyoung forward. Jaebeom follows them up to the apartment, his hand on Jinyoung’s shoulder. Yugyeom pauses only for Jaebeom to open the door and shoves through, running up to the counter.

Jinyoung laughs, putting down his shoulder bag and Jaebeom presses a kiss to his cheek before he goes to his room to change out of his clothes from work. Yugyeom hesitates at the bench, on top of a stool so he can reach the bench top. Jinyoung stands next to him, holding out his empty hands.

“What’s the first step, Chef Yugyeom?”

“Wash our hands,” he answers and steps down from the stool, dragging it over to the sink and Jinyoung smiles, waiting his turn. “And then… the soup base. But I don’t like it spicy.”

Jinyoung hums, getting a feel of what they’re going to cook. Jaebeom returns to help them, setting up a separate pot so he can cook his version which  _ is _ spicy while Jinyoung helps Yugyeom by cutting up the tofu, mushrooms and stewing the garlic.

“This is Jaebeom-hyung’s favourite food,” Yugyeom says as they stir their pot. Jaebeom watches him with cautious eyes since it’s hot. “Spicy tofu soup.”

“I like grilled meat,” Jinyoung says, just for conversation and Yugyeom agrees with him. His favourite food is hamburgers, as he tells Jinyoung and his student profile that he did in class would suggest the same. Jinyoung can’t fault him on that.

Jaebeom ruffles Yugyeom’s head, messing up his hair. It’s an oddly domestic sight, even though it would be so normal for the two of them. Jinyoung can’t help but feel soft, his heart full for the both of them. 

He steps forward and pecks Jaebeom who smiles at him, content. They serve up their dinner, Jaebeom and Jinyoung getting the spicy version. Yugyeom almost chokes from how fast he scoffs down the food.

Jaebeom rubs his back, telling him to close his mouth when he eats. The boy glares at his brother but does what he says, rolling his eyes when Jinyoung snorts at him. Dinner passes easily like that, Jaebeom talking about work and asking Yugyeom how school was as well as the program.

“It’s almost the end of the year,” Jinyoung comments idly. “Isn’t it going to be your birthday soon, Yugyeom?”

The boy nods, smiling with his big cheeks. “I’m going to have it at Bambam’s house! Because he has a big backyard.”

Jinyoung is happy to hear that. “Because it’s on a Saturday, right?” He looks at Jaebeom who nods, a small smile on his lips. He fiddles with his earrings a little, watching Yugyeom as he talks like a proud father. Jinyoung supposes he must feel like one sometimes.

Yugyeom keeps chattering about his birthday party, even as Jaebeom is helping him into bed. Jinyoung stays in the living room, sorting through some of Jaebeom’s documents from work until the elder comes back quietly after putting Yugyeom to bed. Jaebeom wraps his arms around Jinyoung’s shoulders, the two of them sharing a simple embrace to unwind.

“Big day?” Jinyoung whispers as he runs his fingers up Jaebeom’s spine.

Jaebeom sighs. “‘M just tired. I want to tell you something, too, but I don’t know if I should.”

Jinyoung swallows, pulling him closer and Jaebeom sighs again, into his neck. “I want to tell you something too. How long have we been seeing each other?”

Jaebeom draws back, his brows furrowed and he leans forward just to kiss Jinyoung once, simple. “Four… months? I don’t remember, sorry.”

Jinyoung laughs softly. “It’s okay. I’m still confident that I’m in love with you.”

Jaebeom blinks at him, his eyes wide before he laughs in an awkward high pitched giggle, his hands shakily cupping Jinyoung’s face. For a second, Jinyoung is scared that he shouldn’t have said it but Jaebeom kisses him quickly and everything is okay.

“I love you too,” Jaebeom says quickly, in between kisses. He starts laughing, especially when Jinyoung lifts him from the ground, spinning him on the spot. “It’s weird because I usually wait to say it. I fall too quickly and… Yeah.”

“It’s okay.” Jinyoung puts him down and kisses him again, hoping it will convey his feelings. Jaebeom seems to understand, with his fingers tight in Jinyoung’s hair and his smile pressed against his lips. “I do the same.”

“Then I guess we’re perfect for each other,” Jaebeom whispers, nudging their noses together. It’s too sweet, making Jinyoung scrunch up his nose in retaliation. “I was scared because I thought it would be different but… I’m really sure of myself. I don’t think I’ve ever been more sure.”

Jinyoung drags him to the couch so he can squish his face. His mind is reeling and he doesn’t know how to express it at all so he kisses all over Jaebeom’s face; his eyelids, his lips, his cheeks, his forehead. Jaebeom just giggles, his cheeks flushing pink and he grips Jinyoung’s wrists, smiling up at him.

“I love you,” he whispers, his eyes sparkling with the love he speaks into existence. “So, so much.”

“I love you more,” Jinyoung grins, a challenge in itself and Jaebeom raises his brows as if Jinyoung can’t possibly win this fight. It feels like they’ve been together forever, and if this is how Jinyoung feels now, he can’t even comprehend what he’ll feel when a year with Jaebeom passes, two years or even more.

But he knows those moments will be as good as this. He can’t wait until those times come.

  
  


***

Hanging out with Mark isn’t something Jinyoung ever thought he would get to do. He’s usually so quiet so Jinyoung figured he would be. But, a day with him and Yugyeom proved him entirely wrong. He was quite animated, at times, and rather funny. It caught him off guard, but he quickly grew to like this side of the man.

Seeing Mark with Yugyeom makes Jinyoung think that the elder could be his father, from the way he treats the younger boy. Jaebeom meets up with them in the afternoon after having a meeting with Yugyeom’s mother and the boy hugs him tightly, smiling.

“Yugyeom,” Jinyoung says when Yugyeom has settled into Jaebeom’s lap. “Do you want to tell Jaebeom-hyung what I told you?”

“The secret?” he asks, staring at Jinyoung. Jaebeom looks at him in confusion, almost out of concern. Yugyeom peers up at him before he can say anything, leaning back in his arms. “Jinyoung-hyung wants to go back to school. For adults.”

Jaebeom blinks at his brother before he raises his eyebrows, looking at Jinyoung in surprise. “You want to- To go back to university? Why?”

“I want to become a teacher,” he tells him as Mark stands and gestures for Yugyeom to follow him. There’s ice cream down the street, away from the cafe. Mark holds his hand as they skip away. Jinyoung isn’t sure who’s the child out of the two of them.

“How- How long is that?” Jaebeom asks, taking his hand between his. “Four years?”

“Three,” Jinyoung answers, smiling. “I have a diploma in education which is why I can run the program. I just… I don’t know. I want to have a degree under my belt, too.”

Jaebeom smiles at him, squeezing his hand. “Then I’m happy for you. You really want to teach Yugyeom?”

_ That’s a thought for a different day.  _ “Fourth grade Yugyeom won’t be so bad.”

Jaebeom huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “It’s so foreign to even think of that.” He licks his lips quickly, looking down for a moment before meeting Jinyoung’s eyes. “But it’s school holidays now… Do you want to spend the holidays with us?”

“Christmas?” Jinyoung questions and Jaebeom nods awkwardly. “And New Years?”

“If you want to,” his boyfriend smiles and squeezes his hand again. “It’s my birthday on the sixth, if you… wanted to also spend that with me.”

Jinyoung presses his cheek to Jaebeom’s and grins. “I knew that. When’s my birthday, baby?”

“The twenty-second of September,” he responds instantly, his smile pressed into Jinyoung’s cheek. “But if you want to spend it with your family then I understand. Yugyeom will have two Christmases; one with Mark and I, and one with our mother.”

“That went well? Your meeting with your mother?”

“Better than usual,” Jaebeom says, pulling away. “I still have full custody of him which she agreed to. She seemed to understand why I was so adamant about keeping him so that’s good.” He smiles to himself, clearly proud. “But yeah, I think things are finally okay.”

Jinyoung rubs his spine, glancing at Mark, who has returned with a cone full of ice cream for himself. Yugyeom has a cup so he doesn’t get it all over himself and is swinging their hands together, holding his cup with so much purpose that Jinyoung can’t help but coo at him.

“It’s choc mint,” Yugyeom says when he sits down next to Jaebeom, offering him the first bite. Jaebeom takes it, looking like a little kid himself from the way he smiles with his cheeks full, quickly kissing Yugyeom’s temple. 

“Did you get it just for him?” Mark prompts, raising his eyebrows and Yugyeom nods. “He said he doesn’t mind it since you like it too and he wanted to share with you.”

Yugyeom offers it to Jinyoung too but he declines with a wave of his hand, picking at Jaebeom’s pancakes. He doesn’t like sweets all too much but there’s more for Yugyeom so he can enjoy it.

Mark eventually has to leave to go home, kissing Yugyeom’s head in farewell. Jinyoung decides to tag along with Jaebeom to go grocery shopping. He doesn’t think it through but when he steps into the store with Yugyeom’s hand in his, he realises that he just made a parallel of one of his first meetings in public with Mark and Jaebeom.

Jaebeom glances at him for a second and chuckles, putting his arm around his shoulder. “Are we having the same thought?”

“About me coming out to you in the dairy aisle and you not getting it?”

Jaebeom laughs again, nodding once. “I call it growth.”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “That’s gentle.”

“I always am to you.”

Yugyeom doesn’t try to run off this time so it’s not an exact parallel of their  _ second _ time. Jinyoung mostly just keeps the boy entertained while Jaebeom shops, walking behind the cart hand in hand as Yugyeom chatters away.

Is this what his parents felt like with him and his siblings as kids? When they were married and starting a family? 

It’s funny that before Jaebeom, Jinyoung has never even thought of being in a serious relationship but now he’s walking through a grocery store with his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s little brother and thinking about  _ marriage. _ In an ideal world, it would be great but in this world, it’s not something Jinyoung can really ask right now.

No, it’s dumb. He wants to get married but to bring it up to Jaebeom… Maybe another time. Who knows if they will even get married? Jinyoung shakes his head.

“What are you thinking about?” Yugyeom’s voice startles him but Jinyoung smiles down at him quickly and squeezes his hand.

“Nothing,” he answers, swinging their hands. “I’ll buy you the cereal from work?”

Yugyeom grins and nods like a happy puppy. Jaebeom looks over his shoulder at them, squinting but he doesn’t say anything to stop their scheming. It’s perfect for all three of them.

  
  


***

One of Jinyoung’s favourite things to do is run his fingers through Jaebeom’s hair. Jaebeom likes it too because even though he complains about skinship and being touched, he can’t seem to resist Jinyoung’s cuddles. No one can. It’s a burden he has to bear.

They’re alone for the first time in a while, because Mark took Yugyeom to visit some sites that have opened up in the winter time. It’s going to be the holidays soon so Jinyoung has been finishing up at work, ready to end the year.

“Are you spending the holidays with your family?” Jaebeom asks quietly into Jinyoung’s chest. They’ve been lounging on his couch for quite some time, now.

Jinyoung cracks open an eye to give him a look. “You already asked me to spend it with you.”

“Well, just making sure.” Jaebeom lifts himself from Jinyoung’s chest, shaking his hair out of where it has been pulled back by Jinyoung’s hands. “I want to cut my hair.” Jinyoung’s disappointment must show because Jaebeom grins at him, kissing his nose. “I know you like it but I used to have a mullet and I want it back. Do you want to help?”

“We’re doing it now?” Jinyoung blinks, his mouth hanging open in surprise. He doesn’t have hair cutting scissors but knowing Jaebeom, he probably has some in his car or something weird like that.

Jaebeom nods and stands up, almost falling over. Balancing himself, he grabs his bag from the living room floor and searches through it. He pulls out the scissors that Jinyoung is mildly scared of but he smiles when Jaebeom grins, his bangs hanging in his eyes.

“I’ve never cut hair before,” he says when Jaebeom is sitting on the toilet lid, his shirt off. “Well, no one’s hair but my own. I’m just letting you know that if this ends terribly then you can’t blame me.”

Jaebeom nods and proceeds to tell him how to cut it but the scissors don’t last long in his hair. Jinyoung’s too scared to actually cut the hair past getting rid of the length that Jaebeom is asking for so the older takes them from him and hunches over the sink to cut his own hair.

“This is so ugly,” Jinyoung chuckles and Jaebeom laughs, his head turned to the side to snip at his hair. He’s more so hacking at it but it’s working, to say the least. Jinyoung can’t really comment on it - he just hopes Jaebeom ends up liking it.

Jaebeom fiddles with his hair after a while, shaking out the cut pieces into the sink. He really should shower to get rid of it but he leans back, blinking at himself in the mirror. “I like it,” he mumbles, scratching his cheek. “Still love me with a mullet?”

“Always,” Jinyoung smiles and ruffles his hair. “I actually kind of like it, which I didn’t think I would.”

“I’m just that good,” Jaebeom teases and turns to him, pecking his lips. “Let me cut your hair. I liked your hair short. It was really cute.”

Jinyoung could but he shakes his head. He’s spent too long growing it back out over the past few months so he’s not too eager to go back. Instead, he pulls Jaebeom in by his belt loops and kisses him softly. “Go shower,” he whispers against Jaebeom’s lips and the elder sighs, humming along.

Jinyoung flicks through for something to put on the television while Jaebeom showers. He doesn’t get too far before Jaebeom comes back, still shirtless but in a new pair of sweatpants. For a moment, Jinyoung doesn’t know what to say, enraptured by his boyfriend. Jaebeom straddles his lap and he has a face full of Jaebeom with a mullet, his earrings gone, same with his rings. 

It’s too much for him to even comprehend.

“Hello,” Jinyoung says dumbly, his mind reeling. Jaebeom seems to agree because his eyebrow hikes up, cocky and he cups Jinyoung’s face, before kissing him hard. Jinyoung takes it like he always does because it’s  _ Jaebeom _ and hums against his lips, smiling when Jaebeom’s tongue runs over his bottom lip.

“Can I ride you?” Jaebeom whispers even though he doesn’t need to ask. Jinyoung hums again and shifts them, drawing back from Jaebeom’s grasp.

“Bedroom,” is all he says, low which makes Jaebeom shiver. Jaebeom all but falls off him in his rush to go which does wonders for Jinyoung’s ego. He follows him to the bed, their fingers clasped together. 

It’s always easy with Jaebeom. Jinyoung has always loved whispering words into his skin, nipping at his neck as the elder fingers himself, a sheen of sweat already over his skin. Every brush of their skin feels electric, like they’re always meant to be together like this.

Jinyoung holds onto him so hard that Jaebeom whines about bruises, even as he smiles through the words. He looks down his nose at Jinyoung like he couldn’t be more proud of himself for liking the bruises that litter his skin, like he doesn’t press down on them for days after, trying to replicate the feeling of Jinyoung’s fingers digging into his skin.

“You’re the devil,” Jinyoung whispers and Jaebeom smirks, his hair sticking to his forehead as the scent of sex blankets them in its hold. It’s not as secure as Jinyoung’s fingerprints on Jaebeom’s hips as the other sinks down onto Jinyoung’s cock but that doesn’t matter. Jinyoung just pulls Jaebeom in and decides to leave a few choice bruises underneath his jaw where he can see it in the mirror.

Something for Jaebeom to remember him by.

Jaebeom throws his head back in a silent scream when he finally bottoms out, gripping Jinyoung’s wrists for leverage. Jinyoung smiles into his skin, nipping around the red marks that are beginning to bloom. There’s a rush of warmth that falls over them both, sudden. Jaebeom grips Jinyoung’s hair, falling forward only to pant into Jinyoung’s mouth, looking like an incubus with his eyes alight in the harsh yellow bedside light as he smears his lips over Jinyoung’s cheek, smiling to himself.

“I love you,” Jaebeom whispers, keening when Jinyoung’s fingers tangle in his mullet. He’s always loved getting his hair pulled and played with, so maybe Jaebeom’s choice for this haircut had an ulterior motive. He starts murmuring Jinyoung’s name as he starts to bounce himself, thighs shaking. Jinyoung positions himself against the pillows so he can thrust into him, meeting his boyfriend halfway to help him out.

There’s hushed whispers into hot skin, pants against Jinyoung’s ear that make him grin like a madman. All Jaebeom can do is whine and mumble Jinyoung’s names along with pleas of  _ faster, more, please _ .

Jinyoung will gladly give Jaebeom anything he wants. It’s as if he was made to do this, to make Jaebeom feel special, feel  _ loved _ . Jinyoung really likes the sound of that, his blood buzzing beneath his skin as their breaths mingle together once more, sweat on sweat, skin on skin.

When they climax, they’re only moments apart. It’s not the most overwhelming orgasm he’s ever had, but it's definitely the warmest, the safest. The sound of Jaebeom panting into his ear is distant as he shudders and shakes his way through. 

Normally, Jinyoung would complain about being dirty but Jaebeom doesn’t care, collapsing into the pillows with his flushed face seconds after they come down from their highs. His hair fans out on the cushions like spilled ink on white paper and he huffs a laugh when Jinyoung leans on his elbow to look at him, naked in all his glory. 

“That was  _ good _ ,” he says and Jinyoung damn well hopes it was, taking in Jaebeom’s bright eyes, his cheeks and his red stained neck that will be all sorts of colours by the morning. “Thank you, love.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Jinyoung snorts, lying down next to him even though he’s covered in sweat and will need to change his sheets later. “You’re my boyfriend. I can promise you I’ll probably be in the mood if you ask about sex.”

“I’ll still ask.”

“Then that’s fine,” Jinyoung smiles, reaching up to turn Jaebeom’s chin towards him to kiss him, pressing his smile into Jaebeom’s lips. His boyfriend grumbles about not getting kissed properly so Jinyoung shuts him up, his heart feeling at peace.

It’s been a while since he’s felt this way and now, he can finally just exist within the feeling, safe and secure.

  
  


***

One thing that Jinyoung didn’t anticipate was spending so much time with Yugyeom outside of school. But at the same time, he wouldn’t trade anything for the things he does with Yugyeom. It starts with going home with Jaebeom, Yugyeom in the backseat chattering away about school.

Jinyoung makes dinner with Yugyeom while Jaebeom hovers to make sure everything is safe because he’s a bit of a helicopter parent like that. It’s fun to do this with them, even if Jaebeom is breathing down Jinyoung’s neck, smiling innocently when Jinyoung turns to him.

The dinners evolve into Jinyoung staying over on the odd occasion, listening to Jaebeom put Yugyeom to bed with a story. Every single time he hears Jaebeom whispering to Yugyeom from where he sits on the couch, doing silly voices to make him laugh and tire him out, Jinyoung just sits in the blanket of peace and domesticity and smiles to himself.

Those nights don’t happen often because Jinyoung doesn’t want to suffocate Yugyeom with a new life when he’s so young but Yugyeom keeps asking for Jinyoung to stay. It’s only when the end of November comes, just before the holidays, that Yugyeom says no to Jaebeom reading him a story after they’ve spent the night watching movies.

“No?” Jaebeom echoes, his eyes wide as he stares at his brother in disbelief. “You don’t want me to?”

“I want Jinyoung-hyung to,” Yugyeom answers, taking Jinyoung’s hand to pull him from the couch. Jinyoung huffs a sudden laugh, glancing at Jaebeom in surprise but the elder smiles and nods for him to go.

The story is one of Yugyeom’s favourites and Jinyoung notices that it’s one of his suggestions from when Jaebeom and him went to the library. Jinyoung feels strangely proud of himself as Yugyeom hops into bed, pulling the covers up to his chin.

“Okay,” Jinyoung says, climbing into bed too with the book. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Yugyeom falls asleep halfway through the story, even with Jinyoung doing voices and jostling him to shock him at the height of the story. Jinyoung still finishes the story, glancing up at the door when Jaebeom appears, his eyes shining in the lowlight.

He helps Jinyoung out of bed to not disturb Yugyeom, keeping his hand in his. He leaves the book on the bedside table and keeps the door open a little so Yugyeom’s room isn’t so dark.

“Thank you,” Jaebeom says, a pout to his lips. “It’s really sweet of you. I love you, you know that, right?”

Jinyoung laughs, running his thumb along Jaebeom’s cheek. The elder leans into his hand, looking up at him so Jinyoung kisses him instead of replying. They’ve spoken about Jaebeom thanking him but it’s still nice to have it said. He leans his forehead against Jaebeom’s and tucks some of his hair behind his ear. 

“You’re welcome,” he says through his smile, nudging their noses together. “And I love you, too.” He glances back to Yugyeom’s room, the boy sound asleep with the covers up to his nose and he pouts too, the scene too cute. “You’re doing well, with him. He loves you so much, Beom.”

“I’m trying,” Jaebeom admits, leaning his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder. “He loves you too. He comes home and talks about you all the time.” There’s a short pause, the two of them just listening to each other breathe before Jaebeom says, “You’re good for me, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung slowly smiles, his cheeks starting to hurt from it all. He buries his fingers in Jaebeom’s hair and buries a kiss there, humming. “You’re good for me too, baby. I’m proud of you, for making all this work and wanting me here.”

“I always want you here,” Jaebeom blurts, lifting his head. He watches Jinyoung’s face as if worried that Jinyoung thought otherwise. “I do, Jinyoung. You’re… You’re everything to me.”

“I know,” Jinyoung chuckles, kissing his nose. “And you’re mine. But we have a movie to finish.”

Jaebeom almost groans out loud, throwing his head back but Jinyoung raises his eyebrows at him, pointing to Yugyeom’s door. The elder presses his lips together and drops his head back down, staring at Jinyoung. He nods once, determined so Jinyoung kisses his neck and moves past him.

Jaebeom falls asleep soon after, against Jinyoung’s chest with the blanket pulled up to his nose. Jinyoung finds that just as cute as Yugyeom, loving when he can find similarities between the two brothers. He buries his nose in Jaebeom’s hair, inhaling the scent of hibiscus from his shampoo and closes his eyes.

“Goodnight, love,” he whispers and misses the smile that graces Jaebeom’s lips.

  
  


***

“Hyung.”

Jinyoung frowns, not ready to get up. There’s a weight on his chest and he vaguely remembers Jaebeom and him dragging their feet to bed last night so that answers that. But he doesn’t know why he’s being called hyung.

“Jinyoung-hyung?”

Jinyoung opens his eyes and Yugyeom’s face is in his view, backlit by the hallway light. There’s nothing wrong for a moment until Jinyoung realises it’s a Wednesday - the day he doesn’t work which was why he stayed over - but Yugyeom still needs to go to school  _ and _ the program.

“Shit!” Jinyoung hisses and sits up but Jaebeom doesn’t wake up, groaning to himself as he rolls over. “God, sorry- Don’t say that, Yugyeom. Uh- What time is it?”

“Almost eight,” Yugyeom replies, pointing at Jaebeom’s bedside clock.  _ 07:48.  _ “But you were sleeping so I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Jinyoung rubs his eyes and slaps his cheeks, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. “If we’re- Jaebeom is asleep then you should wake him up but that’s not your fault. He should have woken up by himself but he didn’t set an alarm. I didn’t even think- I’m so sorry, Yugyeom.”

“It’s okay,” the boy replies, not seeming phased by this at all. “I need lunch, though.”

_ And breakfast _ , Jinyoung’s mind supplies helpfully, getting out of bed promptly. He’s lucky he’s good at multitasking which Jaebeom is  _ not _ so he flicks on the coffee maker and hands Yugyeom a bowl to give him cereal. If he’s hungry after, he can still eat at the program, depending on what time they get there. Yugyeom is thankfully already dressed for the day and rather nicely, in his little grey hoodie and one of Jaebeom’s stretchy headbands to keep his hair back.

“You look nice in that,” Jinyoung comments as he cuts up fruit for Yugyeom’s snack break. “Do you want to cut your hair?”

“No,” Yugyeom says, shaking his head so his hair goes everywhere. “I like it longer.”

Jinyoung shrugs and moves the fruit into a small container. He tells Yugyeom to get him his lunch box when he’s done so he can pack it and sets himself up to make Yugyeom lunch. There’s leftovers from last night, when Jinyoung cooked Korean barbecue so he puts in what he can, listening to Yugyeom when he says what he likes.

Jaebeom comes out of the bedroom at ten past eight, bleary eyed with messy hair. Jinyoung is halfway through getting properly dressed as Yugyeom puts on his shoes. Jaebeom doesn’t even have time to say anything before Jinyoung kisses him goodbye.

“Set your alarm to daily,” Jinyoung tells him, taking Yugyeom’s hand. “Love you! I’ll be back soon.”

“What?” Jaebeom mumbles before he says, “Love you…” 

And Jinyoung is out the door with Yugyeom’s backpack over his shoulder. Yugyeom grunts when Jinyoung walks too fast so he slows down and blinks down at him, offering a smile. “You’re okay?”

Yugyeom nods, squeezing Jinyoung’s hand in reassurance. When they get down to the carpark, Jinyoung realises he took Jaebeom’s keys but he has no chance to think about that. He helps Yugyeom into the backseat with a lot of caution just because of who he is and sets off to drive to the program.

Yugyeom is silent for the ride but not because he’s upset. He watches everything pass by in the car window with curious eyes even though this is probably the same route Jaebeom takes every morning. Jinyoung shakes his head and smiles to himself, glancing in the rearview mirror to check on Yugyeom randomly.

“Oh?” Wonpil says when Jinyoung walks in with Yugyeom, hand in hand. “You’re at  _ that _ stage now?”

“Apparently,” Jinyoung laughs and lets Yugyeom go to hang up his bag. He says goodbye to Jinyoung only because Bambam pulls him into a tight hug and they sit down at the drawing table. “Kid really likes me.”

Wonpil purses his lips and shrugs, rubbing Jinyoung’s spine. “Didn’t expect to see you this morning, honestly. But good morning, boss man.”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “Whatever. You and Younghyun doing well without me?”

“As usual,” Wonpil teases, squeezing his shoulder. “But go home, you look like shit. Uh, you look- Bad. You don’t look so hot.”

“Don’t worry,” Jinyoung huffs, waving his hand when Younghyun smiles at him. “I swore in front of Yugyeom this morning. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

Wonpil nods and sees him out, all smiles and bright eyes. Jinyoung makes his way back to Jaebeom’s apartment, feeling tired from nothing, really. When he comes back and drops Jaebeom’s car keys into the bowl on the kitchen bench, Jaebeom calls to him from the bedroom.

“I’m tired,” Jinyoung says when he walks into Jaebeom’s room so his boyfriend holds his arms open and Jinyoung climbs into his arms, collapsing in a heap. “Yugyeom’s at school, though.”

“Thank you,” Jaebeom whispers, kissing his forehead. “I love you. It completely slipped my mind last night. I’m not working today and I just didn’t think about the alarm.”

Jinyoung isn’t angry. He just buries his face into Jaebeom’s neck and sighs. “You’re lucky Yugyeom knows everything, baby. You’re doing your best.”

Jaebeom’s chest rumbles when he laughs, making Jinyoung smile, soft. “Well, that and you’re the best. Sorry, about this.”

And that, Jinyoung can agree with. “I know. But I’m sleeping now so either leave now or I’m keeping you here.”

Jaebeom kisses his forehead again and pulls him impossibly close, his hands keeping Jinyoung snug and protected. “Fine by me.”

  
  


***

Since Jinyoung isn’t working all day and neither is Jaebeom, Jinyoung opts to pick Yugyeom up straight from school. Jaebeom protests at first, saying he should be the one to do it as Jinyoung went this morning but there’s not a lot he can do when Jinyoung makes up his mind.

“I’ll be back in a sec,” Jinyoung tells him, kissing him sweetly as he twirls Jaebeom’s car keys around his fingers. “See you.”

“See you,” Jaebeom grumbles, waving him off. 

It’s easy to pick up, albeit a little awkward, since a lot of the teachers greet him and comment on how he’s picking up Yugyeom, of all kids. Wonpil is in the office with Yugyeom since Jinyoung texted him beforehand and walks out just as Jihyo is about to speak.

“Sorry,” Jinyoung says, ducking his head to her. Yugyeom says goodbye to Wonpil and jogs to Jinyoung, hugging him around his waist. “Hey, Gyeom. Good day?”

“Yeah,” the boy answers, smiling up at him. “I played with Jackson-hyung. He taught me how to criss-cross the skipping ropes.”

Jinyoung raises his brows, smiling down at him. He still has his hair pulled back with the headband. “He knows how to do that?”

Yugyeom nods, humming. “He’s really good. Bambam hasn’t got the hang of it yet.”

“Well, maybe you can teach him.” Jinyoung helps Yugyeom into the backseat of the car, clipping him in before doing the same for himself in the driver’s seat. “What do you want for dinner?”

Yugyeom takes a while to think, fiddling with his hair. He eventually says, “Hamburgers,” so Jinyoung makes a turn for the supermarket, knowing Jaebeom will not have what they need at home. If he does, Jinyoung will just take the extras back for himself, since he’s the one buying it.

Yugyeom wants to push the trolley but he’s too short so Jinyoung lifts him into the trolley even though he’s  _ much _ too big for that but they make it work. He just stands in the back end of the trolley and points at the things they need.

“Oh,” a woman says when Jinyoung accidentally bumps into her. Yugyeom is leaning over the side to grab the lettuce but he’ll drop it if he keeps going so Jinyoung snags it from him, apologising quickly to the woman. 

“It’s okay,” she smiles, and has a kid of her own sitting in the trolley with her thumb in her mouth. “Kids are a handful, huh?”

Jinyoung huffs a laugh and lets Yugyeom hold the lettuce. “Yeah, don’t I know it?” The woman smiles at Yugyeom before wheeling away and Jinyoung’s cheeks flush, handing Yugyeom some carrots. “You’re cheeky.”

“I like beetroot,” he says, as if that was the conversation topic. But Jinyoung still still puts a can of sliced beetroot in the trolley and keeps moving.

Yugyeom helps Jinyoung to unload the car, carrying as many bags as he can to the elevator even though they don’t have that many. Jaebeom answers the door after hearing Jinyoung’s struggle to get his keys back out and blinks at the groceries, taking Yugyeom’s bags so the boy can run wild into the apartment.

“You got food?” Jaebeom asks, placing the bags on the kitchen floor. “For what?”

“Yugyeom wants hamburgers,” Jinyoung says, accepting the kiss that Jaebeom offers him with a smile. “So I bought stuff for hamburgers. He likes beetroot?”

“Yeah,” Jaebeom answers, blinking again. “Sorry, I… I didn’t expect you to do that. Thank you.”

“I didn’t mean to overstep,” Jinyoung says quickly but Jaebeom shakes his head and rests his hand on Jinyoung’s spine. “I probably won’t stay though. I have work in the morning and Yugyeom doesn’t need to get up when I do.”

Jaebeom shakes his head again, unpacking what he bought. “No, it’s okay. You’ve done enough. Keep going and I’ll ask you to move in.”

Something snaps between them and their eyes go wide, turning to each other in surprise. Jinyoung’s mouth opens but nothing comes out. Jaebeom’s cheeks flush and he stutters out an apology but Jinyoung stops him, taking his hand before Jaebeom can leave.

“I’m not upset,” he says quickly and Jaebeom exhales shakily, rattled. “Would you… Would you want me to?”

Jaebeom takes his time in forming a response but all that comes out is a small, “Yes…” that makes Jinyoung smile. “Not like- Not  _ now _ , but… If it’s okay with you then I’d… I’d like to.”

“I would,” Jinyoung answers, running his thumb over Jaebeom’s knuckles. “Not now, but I’d like it. Let’s… Let’s take it one day at a time, okay?”

Jaebeom nods before he elbows Jinyoung away from the food, waving him out of the kitchen. “Let me cook so I don’t have a breakdown. Go talk to Yugyeom, you’re driving me crazy.”

“You drive me crazy too, babe,” Jinyoung teases, kissing the side of his neck before he slips away from Jaebeom’s swiping hands. It’s too easy to just fall into the couch and help Yugyeom read while Jaebeom prepares for an early dinner. 

Jinyoung used to be afraid of domesticity, afraid that he was falling too quickly and going in over his head. But he doesn’t have to be afraid with Jaebeom, even when it comes to Yugyeom. If there’s a problem, someone will tell him and they can understand what needs to be done.

A day at a time, just like Jaebeom said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, thank you for sticking by lol. uni and real life got to be really badly but this is the last chapter until the epilogue and then... it's done. i hope you have enjoyed this story as much as i have. if you couldn't tell,, i'm almost in my third year of education so that's the whole reason i wrote this fic. it's my own personal special interest, i guess lol.
> 
> thanks again, see you in the last one :)


	11. epilogue

Jaebeom’s birthday passes easily.

He’s not one to party too much so a small get together with his and Mark’s friends as well as Jinyoung is easy enough. Jinyoung enjoys himself and so does Jaebeom, even though the night comes to a close by eleven, since Yugyeom is out like light. He tried to stay up but it’s a school night. Jinyoung agrees to take the morning off so Yugyeom can sleep in and they can get to school by nine.

Jinyoung finds himself spending more and more time with Jaebeom and Yugyeom, especially over the holiday break. Yugyeom’s school term will start in March and he’ll be in first grade. Jinyoung will start at university again at the same time.

Honestly, Jaebeom is more excited for Jinyoung than Jinyoung is for himself. It’s nice to have the support and that Jaebeom is willing to listen to him talk about his classes coming up even if it makes no sense to him. Even Yugyeom is excited and keeps bringing up that Jinyoung is going to be a teacher.

“In due time,” Jinyoung tells him one night, when Yugyeom asks if he wants to teach high school or elementary school. “And elementary. I don’t think I’d be ready to handle high school students.”

“If they’re anything like me,” Jaebeom says from the kitchen, smirking to himself, “you’d do fine, Nyoungie.”

“Because dealing with mini clones of you all day would just make me love you even more?”

Yugyeom looks up from his poke bowl, zeroing his eyes onto his brother. “Hyung, Mark-hyung said you almost didn’t finish school.”

Jinyoung raises his eyebrows at him. Jaebeom closes his eyes and sighs, shaking his head. “I didn’t study, yes. But that doesn’t mean I was a  _ bad _ student. I was well behaved!”

Jinyoung doubts that but doesn’t want to ruin Yugyeom’s perception of his brother. To be fair, Jaebeom is a college graduate so it’s not like his entire school career is a scam. It’s just funny to know that Jaebeom was once bboy-ing instead of being in math class and now he’s an editor for a writing firm, working nine to five like some kind of middle aged family man. 

“Just eat your food before you make fun of me,” Jaebeom whispers in his ear as he sets down their dinner. “Shouldn’t you be preaching about how bullying is wrong,  _ Mister Park _ ?”

“Never going to get used to that,” Jinyoung mutters, glancing up at him. “Don’t start using that against me.” The name doesn’t make him feel any different but he doesn’t need his boyfriend calling him that while trying to tease him.

When Yugyeom is asleep, Jinyoung steps out of his bedroom and puts the book he was reading to the boy back on Jaebeom’s shelf. It’s been a perfect night, routine like always. Jaebeom slips his arms around his waist, resting his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder.

“Thank you,” he says, looking up at Jinyoung. His eyes are always so pretty, glittering in the low light. “Are you staying here?”

“Yeah, if it’s okay. I’ll take Yugyeom to school tomorrow?”

Jaebeom hums. “Yeah, I start at nine. I’m tired but I’ll bring home dinner, if you’ll be around again.”

Jinyoung hesitates in his answer, just to be annoying. “I might be.”

“Do I need to convince you?”

Jinyoung hums, tilting his head just a little. Jaebeom kisses his jaw so he hums again, smiling to himself. “Maybe just a little.” Jaebeom’s arms tighten around his waist, making Jinyoung’s chest warm. “Okay, I’m convinced.”

“Come to bed and I’ll make you certain.”

Jinyoung can’t say no to that.

  
  


***

  
  


It becomes routine for the last weeks of work to be filled with Yugyeom and Jaebeom. Jinyoung stays over more often than not because his schedule matches Yugyeom’s. He takes him to work, gets him breakfast while Wonpil sets up the room and he never seems to mind. 

Some days, Jaebeom will keep Yugyeom close while Jinyoung gets ready around them. Once Yugyeom is awake, he lays in bed with Jaebeom as his brother sleeps, snoring into his pillow. Jinyoung kisses Jaebeom goodbye which is usually unresponsive before he ruffles Yugyeom’s hair and heads off.

Wednesdays are still his day off. It’s nice when he can go to sleep in Jaebeom’s bed and be on the receiving end of Jaebeom kissing him goodbye. Yugyeom's waiting in the doorway with his bag on his back and his lunch that Jinyoung packed the night before in his arms. 

“See you,” Jinyoung mumbles, despite usually being awake at the time that Jaebeom leaves. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Jaebeom whispers, kissing him once more before leaving, Yugyeom waves to Jinyoung from the door. “See you tonight! There’s soup in the fridge.”

Jinyoung barely registers his words, simply falling back asleep until nine before he gets up and starts his routine in Jaebeom’s apartment. He needs to go home tonight since he doesn’t have all his files at Jaebeom’s but Wonpil has been keeping up to date with Jinyoung’s office responsibilities which is taking a lot of his load off.

“Of course I’m still going to be around,” Jinyoung says that afternoon, on the phone to Wonpil. He’s had a big day handling enrollment forms and called Jinyoung in a fit because he didn’t know what to do. “You can always call me, Wonpil. You know that.”

_ “Yeah, but what if you’re in class and I need help? Or on placement and I- Oh, God-” _

“Wonpil, trust me, okay?” Jinyoung huffs a breath, smiling. Wonpil is going nuts with all of this. “I’m right here with you. And Younghyun-hyung will be there too. Maybe we should start looking for more staff so you don’t have to worry about handling breakfast in the mornings?”

Wonpil sighs before he says,  _ “I could… Don’t you have an old friend? He was looking for part time work…” _

Jinyoung smiles, relieved that Wonpil has his brain already on task. “Yeah, Hyunwoo. I’ll ask Jaebeom if he knows anyone too. Oh, and look into casuals from universities. It’s really good for careers in teaching.”

_ “You haven’t even been to university yet and you’re looking to hire. If you make any friends, send them my way?” _

“Of course,” Jinyoung chuckles. They hang up soon after and when Jaebeom comes home, Yugyeom carrying Thai food in his tiny hands, Jinyoung asks him about their conversation, just to be sure.

Jaebeom raises his eyebrows before he frowns, trying to think. It hits him after a second before he says, “Ah, I’ve got a friend; Sungjin. He used to babysit and I think he has a license.”

“Can you ask for me?” Jinyoung says, earning a kiss on his temple. “Thanks. Or just send me his number and I’ll contact him. Wonpil… He’s freaking out a little bit.” Something clicks in his brain and he grabs his phone, texting Wonpil about it.

Jaebeom hums, taking the bag from Yugyeom and handing out the food. “Don’t get too stressed, okay? Let’s eat and I’ll drive you home.”

“I just… I don’t want Wonpil to be stressed out when I won’t be around as much.”

“Babe, he’s not a child,” Jaebeom laughs, handing Yugyeom the chopsticks. “He’ll sort it out, I promise. Oh, I’ve got another good friend though. I can ask if he’s looking for work or if he’s got anyone to send over?”

Jinyoung clicks his pen to write on a napkin, true rushed office worker style. “Name?”

“Nichkhun,” Jaebeom smiles, finally sitting down. “Old friend from university. International student. He settled down in Korea a few years back. Really damn smart and works as an assistant to a director of certain centres. I’m sure he’d even be able to show Wonpil how to do some things if he got stuck without you there.”

Jinyoung feels the stress leave his shoulders, letting them sag. All his worries about this simply floats away even though he was being Wonpil’s pillar only hours before. “I love you,” he tells Jaebeom who just winks at him, eager to start eating. 

Once Yugyeom has been put to bed, Jinyoung stops Jaebeom in the kitchen. “Hey, were you being serious about that Nichkhun guy? It… I don’t know. You’re being a really good saviour right now. I feel like you’re lying to me to make me feel better.”

“I would never do that,” Jaebeom laughs, leaning into his space to kiss him softly. “I was serious, love. I’ll text him and if he’s interested, I’ll let you know, okay? Even if he can’t take a job, he’d be willing to help Wonpil at the very least. It’s not like you’re disappearing, right?”

“Right.” Jinyoung swallows, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. Of course. Jaebeom wouldn’t suggest something unless it was sound. “Sorry. Do you want me to stay, now that Yugyeom’s asleep? I don’t… Sorry, I-”

Jaebeom’s hands cup his face suddenly and he kisses Jinyoung to shut up him, smiling softly. “Stop saying sorry, babe. You know if I had a problem, I would say it. Now, I want a glass of wine and I want to finish my show.”

Jinyoung lets himself be dragged to the couch, weak as ever to Jaebeom’s charms. He takes the glass of wine when it’s offered and lets Jaebeom tuck himself into his side, all curled up and pretty. He throws his legs over Jinyoung’s lap, and Jinyoung takes a deep breath, deciding to handle his problems tomorrow.

Rome wasn’t built in a day. Things take time and time they will take.

  
  


***

“Jaebeom, where’s my jacket?”

“Which one?”

Jinyoung blinks at his boyfriend who’s sitting hunched over himself on the bed, staring at him. He’s shirtless because Jaebeom hardly ever wears a shirt to bed and if he’s wearing a shirt then he’s not wearing pants. Thankfully, it’s not the latter today.

“The-” Jinyoung snaps out of his analysing thoughts, glancing at the wardrobe. He needs to take Yugyeom to school this morning, on his day off. Jaebeom has a day off too. “The… the long blazer I wear, sometimes.”

Jaebeom hums before gesturing to the wardrobe. “It should be in there, babe. It’s a blazer so I hung it up, maybe. I don’t know.”

Jinyoung shifts through the closet and doesn’t find what he’s looking for so he grabs one of Jaebeom’s blazers and puts it on. It doesn’t fit right but it’s not that bad. It’ll work for today. “Okay, thanks. I’ll find it when I come back.”

Jaebeom hums again, leaning back against the headboard. “I’ll have a look, later. Love you. Come back safe.”

“Always,” Jinyoung replies, kissing Jaebeom’s temple. “Yugyeom! Let’s go!”

“Coming,” the boy replies and charges through the apartment, slipping his hand into Jinyoung’s. They leave soon after they collect their things and Jinyoung helps Yugyeom into his seat. Yugyeom lets him buckle him in even though he could do it himself, smiling when Jinyoung sighs, pulling away.

“Yugyeom?” Jinyoung asks, before he can shut the door. “You don’t mind me being around, right?”

Yugyeom blinks at him, his doe eyes so beautiful and innocent. He shrugs, barely bothered by the question. “Should I?”

Jinyoung huffs a short laugh and leans on the door. “No, but I wouldn’t be upset if you were. It’s all about you, okay? I don’t want to barge in-”

“It’s okay,” Yugyeom says quickly, smiling up at him with another reassurance to convince Jinyoung of anything. Yugyeom could tell him pigs have wings and Jinyoung would believe him. “I don’t mind, hyung. Jaebeom-hyung likes you so I like you too. You’re nice.”

Jinyoung taps the car door for a second and nods. That’s not all he needs but he’ll take it. He jumps in the car and starts the engine, eager to drop Yugyeom off and come back home. It’s not often that he comes back on his off day just to sleep but coming back to Jaebeom in bed… It’s getting more enticing by the second.

“Okay,” Jinyoung says when he helps Yugyeom out of the car, onto the school grounds. “I’ll come pick you up after school, okay? Don’t go to the program unless I’m late. Wonpil will come get you if that happens so don’t worry.”

“Okay,” Yugyeom says, taking Jinyoung’s hand to walk inside. He’s learning well. “Jaebeom-hyung won’t come?”

“No, unless he comes with me.” Jinyoung squeezes his hand and Yugyeom smiles up at him. “You know how he is. Always sleeping.”

“He slept through his birthday dinner,” Yugyeom says and giggles when Jinyoung snorts. That’s just what he expects from the elder. 

Yugyeom spots Bambam and is very quick to hug Jinyoung goodbye before running to where the boy is walking in with his siblings. Chan comes up to them and Jinyoung feels proud to see him with his friends, how far he’s come.

A few months ago, he was writing daily reports on Yugyeom’s behaviour and getting the boy to apologise to Youngjae for pulling his hair or stealing his glasses. Now, he’s watching Yugyeom play nice in the school yard and cuddle his friends who he wouldn’t even speak to at the start of the year. It’s something to be proud of and it’s definitely something Jinyoung is going to treasure.

He makes it back to Jaebeom’s slowly, bringing back coffee that the elder basically inhales but not until after he’s kissed Jinyoung enough for a lifetime. He made it to the couch in the time he’d been gone, which is impressive for him at this time of the morning. Jinyoung has to stop him so they can actually enjoy their coffees, shutting Jaebeom up but not without him pouting first.

“Saving my life,” Jaebeom says as he sits down, smiling at him. He and Yugyeom have a similar smile - big and toothy. It fits both of them so well. “Yugyeom was good?”

Jinyoung hums. “You’ve done good with him. It’s good to see how far he’s come.”

“You did well with him too,” Jaebeom says, cuddling up to him. A lazy day sounds pretty nice actually so Jinyoung puts an arm around Jaebeom’s shoulders and lets himself relax, even though the coffee is trying to keep him awake.

Jaebeom lies against Jinyoung’s chest, sighing and closing his eyes. It’s a little too peaceful for a few moments until Jaebeom sits up straight and straddles his legs. Jinyoung watches him, raising his eyebrows in silent question but Jaebeom just smiles and leans their foreheads together.

“Nervous?” he asks, like he’s the one in charge. Jinyoung blinks and returns the smile.

“Not unless you’re going to be insane?” 

“I’m always insane,” Jaebeom grins and presses his lips to Jinyoung’s, shutting him up even though Jinyoung didn’t have much to say anyways. Kissing Jaebeom is one of Jinyoung’s favourite things and he lets the elder take control and pull at his hair to control their movements.

“Jaebeom,” he whispers when Jaebeom’s tongue is asking to tangle with his, piercing and all. “Hold onto me.”

“Right now?” he whispers just before he yelps, Jinyoung gripping his thighs so hard his fingers are probably going to leave marks. “Bedroom, Jinyoung- Can we go-”

“I’m  _ going _ ,” Jinyoung mumbles, his lips still occupied by Jaebeom’s. They’re barely kissing anymore, more just in each other’s warmth. Jaebeom grips beneath Jinyoung’s jaw and opens his mouth, making Jinyoung gasp. He’s barely able to stumble into the bedroom before he falls onto the bed with Jaebeom beneath him who only just avoided getting crushed.

“Clothes off,” Jaebeom demands. He’s halfway through pulling Jinyoung’s shirt clean off his shoulders before Jinyoung relents and takes it off himself, grinning down at him. His skin feels electric where Jaebeom touches him, his fingers running over his bare arms, tucking his hair behind his ear.

Jaebeom’s eyes are somehow holding all the light in the dark room, alight with mischief just like his smile. Jinyoung doesn’t want to waste time but he can’t help but lean down and kiss Jaebeom, his blood singing when Jaebeom’s fingers dance along his cheekbones.

“You’re everything to me,” Jaebeom says suddenly, whispered against Jinyoung’s lips. It makes Jinyoung’s heart beat even faster. He shivers and Jaebeom smiles, drawing back to take him in.

“I love you,” Jinyoung manages, overwhelmed all at once. “I seriously- Jaebeom, I-”

“I know.” The elder smiles at him, too cheeky to be classed as harmless and pulls Jinyoung down by his neck to whisper, “Now, are you going to fuck me?”

Jinyoung barks a harsh laugh and noses his way into Jaebeom’s neck, biting there to leave a mark that will stay until the morning, where everyone at work will see even if Jaebeom wears his smart little collared shirts. It’s risky but Jinyoung has always liked the way Jaebeom looks with hickeys on his neck and chest.

Only when Jaebeom’s chest is a mess of colours and his hair is sticking to his forehead where a sheen of sweat has overtaken both of them, does Jinyoung finally take his pants off and strips Jaebeom of his, grinning at him like a madman.

It was too easy to get either of them riled up. Infatuation is a terribly wonderful thing.

  
  


***

Going back to school is a lot easier said than done. Jinyoung completely forgot how time intensive school can be. No wonder he barely worked when he was doing his diploma. He’s just lucky some of it was paid when he did onsite work.

He tells Wonpil he’s going back to university full time and his best friend tells him to take all the time he needs. He’ll get paid regardless, since he runs the program and is still handling most of the bookings and activities where he can so it’s a little easier.

That and his savings being cut into because of school is something he’s less worried about, since every two weeks he still gets his pay.

But real life is still happening, aside from school. Jaebeom is doing everything to help Jinyoung, looking around with him for a new desk and to get a proper laptop for school. Jinyoung has always been a bookworm and he was definitely a stationery nerd in high school so to go back into it for university is somewhat of a comfort.

“You really like this kind of thing, huh?” Jaebeom asks when they’re in line to check out, basket full of fresh notebooks and some of Jinyoung’s favourite ballpoint pens. Yeah, he has favourite pens. He even got new highlighters that he’s excited to try. If they’re good, he’ll replace the ones they have at work.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung laughs, checking the notebooks again to see if he got the right ones. “You know I like learning things. It’s dorky to say I like school but I really do.”

“Not dorky.” Jaebeom smiles at him, running his fingers through the back of Jinyoung’s hair. “It’s cute. You’re motivated so it’s nice to see. I’ve never been one to study.”

“And yet, you’re an editor,” Jinyoung teases, leaning into him. “But that’s how you are. You get easily bored with things you don’t like.”

Jaebeom shrugs. “Guilty.” He nods to the cashier, his hand on Jinyoung’s spine. 

First year for education isn’t too difficult, if Jinyoung is being honest. It’s mostly a refresher for high school level maths and science, as well as STEM subjects. Jinyoung doesn’t have much issue for studying, setting himself up to be comfortable for the year.

It’s only late January, so Jinyoung has until March to prepare himself, when the school year starts. Yugyeom will be in year one by then, which is a scary thought but time moves forward. And with time, Jaebeom moves forward too.

It’s just before New Year’s that Jinyoung is with Jaebeom, drawing with Yugyeom in the living room. It’s calming to be able to do this, especially with Yugyeom who keeps glancing up at the television for the cartoons that Jaebeom put on.

It’s almost a perfect day. Jinyoung has been having a lot of those lately. Jaebeom leans down, Jinyoung between his legs and kisses him on the cheek. It’s when the elder says, “Do you want to move in?” that Jinyoung turns in a flurry, wide eyed.

“I asked you before,” Jaebeom explains, smiling. It’s not a scary question but it’s difficult to answer on the spot. “Did you change your mind? I don’t mind if you did, but-”

“No, it’s just sudden,” Jinyoung answers, reaching up to touch Jaebeom’s cheek. “Okay, I’d like to but… My place is bigger. Can we look for somewhere new, when the break comes?”

Yugyeom doesn’t speak until both of them are looking at him. He lifts his head from his drawing and furrows his brows at Jinyoung, one of Jaebeom’s headbands keeping his forehead clear of his bangs. “What?” he says quietly and gets a click of a tongue from Jaebeom for being rude. 

“Would you be okay with moving?” Jinyoung asks carefully, catching the boy’s gaze. There’s no point if Yugyeom doesn’t want to go anywhere.

“Where?” he returns, tilting his head.

“Anywhere,” Jaebeom says, resting his cheek against Jinyoung’s head. “As long as you’re okay with living with Jinyoung-hyung?”

Yugyeom shrugs as if it doesn’t bother him either way it goes. He confirms that thought when he says, “As long as I don’t have to share your room.”

Jaebeom flushes down to his chest and smiles sheepishly when Jinyoung frowns at him. “I… Uh, when I first got custody of Yugyeom, I was still living with Mark. I pretty much changed my room around for him because he was two and… Yeah, it was a real dad pad.”

“I see why you’re so grateful to Mark-hyung,” Jinyoung smiles, drawing his fingers over Jaebeom’s leg. Yugyeom is so absorbed in his colouring that Jinyoung doesn’t have to say anything more about the topic. He looks up at Jaebeom and smiles. “Let’s… Let’s look and figure out when our leases end, okay? You guys need a bigger place more than I do.”

Jaebeom nods and drops a kiss onto Jinyoung’s hair, smoothing his hands down Jinyoung’s chest. “I’m ready when you are,” he whispers and Jinyoung sighs, content with that. 

It’s always easy with Jaebeom.

***

Jinyoung comes into work to work and finally interviews Nichkhun. 

The guy is nice enough and his references all check out, especially his reference from Jaebeom. They chat back and forth about him, since Nichkhun is a very close friend of the elder’s and Jinyoung finds himself lost in it. It doesn’t take much to convince him that Nichkhun is a perfect fit, especially to take over while Jinyoung is on leave.

“How long will you be?” Nichkhun asks, when they’re watching a parent sign in since the system is different to what Nichkhun is used to. “Jaebeomie mentioned you are going back to school so I would like to know in terms of whether this is a permanent job and such.”

“We have a small team,” Jinyoung answers, leaning on the door frame. “It started with me and Wonpil and Younghyun-hyung joined down the line. We’ve had a few people come and go - Jihyo who teaches in foundation used to work with us when she was free so it’s ever changing. But I could really use someone who knows the ins and outs like I do for when I’m not here so even when I return, you’d still be on call.”

Nichkhun nods along, pursing his lips. “Jaebeomie talks about you and the kids all the time so I know it’s good. I just wanted to know.” He clicks his fingers and turns to Jinyoung completely, a soft smile on his face. “Sungjin too, he lives nearby. I can ask him to come in, if you like.”

“God, Jaebeom is saving my life, isn't he?” Jinyoung snorts, shrugging. “Yeah, what the hell? Thank you for coming in, I seriously appreciate it.”

Nichkhun shakes his hand firmly, smiling even when he’s walking out the door and Jinyoung notes that he should have him start as soon as possible, hopefully while the year is quiet so he has time to figure everything out. 

School is over for the year in a month. In two months, Jinyoung will be back at university soon and that in itself is difficult to comprehend. But for now, he waves to Yugyeom and Wonpil and drives back home, or at least where home is for now.

Jaebeom is in his apartment for a change of pace. He inspected a place this morning and said it looked good but Jinyoung is a little more meticulous than his boyfriend so he asked for photos. There’s no use in picking a place to move into if he doesn’t like it.

“Home,” Jinyoung singsongs, unlocking the door. Jaebeom almost drops his glass in the kitchen sink and shatters it in his rush to greet him so Jinyoung laughs. “Swallow first. We’re not in the bedroom, I shouldn’t have to say that to you.”

Jaebeom does as he’s told and sticks out his tongue for good measure before he wraps an arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders and licks his cheek. “Don’t be snippy,” he grins as Jinyoung struggles. When did he get so strong? It must be the dad strength… God, what will Jaebeom be like if he actually has kids?

“Show me the places,” Jinyoung says, finally pulling away. The sooner they move, the sooner his stress levels will completely drop. Jaebeom is trying his hardest to make everything better for all three of them but Jinyoung works on stress and panic or he does nothing at all.

Jaebeom flicks through the photos and even draws up a floor plan from memory with one of Yugyeom’s crayons, bright pink and sticky. That alone just about sums up their situation. Jinyoung laughs, unable to help himself. “Thank you for this,” he says, squeezing Jaebeom’s leg when the elder is finished. “Let’s apply. I have a good feeling about it, don’t you?”

“I like it,” Jaebeom answers, nodding. “It would work for us, I think. The bedroom is like yours at your place. Spacious. And Yugyeom’s bedroom would be a good size for him, for the next year or so.”

Jinyoung hums. It’s good to hear something concrete and within a few hours, Jaebeom and him have applied together, as a couple with a kid. They’ll still inspect some more areas but this one seems like a good fit and it’s close to Yugyeom’s school, too. Jaebeom doesn’t mind driving and Jinyoung will need to pass the school in order to go to university so if the times match, Jinyoung can drop Yugyeom off some mornings.

“Works?” Jaebeom asks, looking up when Jinyoung stands. Jinyoung leans down and kisses his forehead. “You want dinner? I’m hungry.”

“What are you cooking?”

“Dumplings, I think. Let’s have some gyoza.”

“Yugyeom will love it,” Jinyoung smiles, kissing him properly. It’s just a peck but Jaebeom relishes it, his smile full of too much love for Jinyoung to handle. 

When it’s time, Jinyoung picks up Yugyeom and brings him home, just in time for Jaebeom to save the dumplings for tonight. Yugyeom has always had a fierce appetite so he basically snatches a bowl of sushi rolls that Jaebeom bought, clicking the chopsticks against the bowl.

Jinyoung leans on the bench top, gazing at Yugyeom before he smiles, dropping his head. His little fantasy of the two of them, a fairytale world where everything is okay, is so enticing and wonderful to him that it makes his brain foggy. Things just make sense with Jaebeom and Yugyeom and Jinyoung turns to Jaebeom and blurts, “Should we get married?”

Jaebeom pauses where he’s loading the extra dumplings into containers to freeze. He licks his lips before he frowns, finally glancing at Jinyoung. “Sure,” he answers, shrugging like Jinyoung asked if they should get another litre of milk for the weekend. “Like next week, or?”

Jinyoung snorts. He stands up straight and draws close, his arms around Jaebeom’s waist. “Married before I go back to university. Wouldn’t that be funny? What rings do you like?”

Jaebeom places his hands on the cutting board, shaking his head as he laughs. “Let’s be realistic,” he says through a smile. “We can get married later. We’re about to move and Yugyeom is still going to school. Let’s plan a wedding  _ after _ Yugyeom is ten years old, maybe.”

Something pops into Jinyoung’s head, like a candle lighting up with its flame and he grins, leaning into Jaebeom’s ear. “So, you’re saying you want to spend the rest of your life with me?”

Jaebeom leans into him, into his warmth and he touches at Jinyoung’s chin, squishing his cheeks together. “I think you’ve known that since I told you I wanted to kiss you.” He presses his lips to Jinyoung’s but it’s barely a kiss - too much of their smiles simply pressed together.

Jaebeom finally kisses him right and it only ends when Yugyeom scoffs at them and slides his bowl onto the counter opposite them. He spies the dumplings and grins at them, very happy for what’s to come for dinner.

Everything works out, surprisingly. Nichkhun starts within the week, set up with the systems and getting along with Wonpil already. The kids love him, especially Bambam who is ecstatic about having someone who speaks Thai working at the school. They’ve apparently been trying to teach Jackson some phrases. The boy would be all powerful if he could learn  _ another _ language.

Sungjin comes in and Wonpil handles the interview with enough grace as he can muster. He’s smart and quick thinking, a bit like a kid himself with the way he’s a little clueless sometimes but Jinyoung rather likes him. He and Younghyun just click, same with Wonpil. Jinyoung loves to see the three of them interact, especially when the music teacher, Dowoon, decides to chat with them all when Wonpil brings the groceries in every Monday morning to the staff room.

“Everything’s working out?” Jaebeom asks him when Jinyoung walks in the front door, after picking up moving boxes from Sungjin at work. Their apartment was confirmed so they’ll move in two weeks.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung smiles, feeling everything fall into place within his world and within his mind. All they have left to do is… move.

Easier said than done but things will keep chugging along, no matter how scared or stressed Jinyoung might be. At least Jinyoung has Jaebeom to keep him grounded.

  
  


***

“I’ll pick up and we’ll go to the new place, yeah?”

Yugyeom blinks up at Jinyoung, with Jaebeom standing behind him and grins, too excited to even stand still. “Okay! Can Bambam come when we’re finished moving?”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung says, not before glancing up at Jaebeom who nods. It’s the last few weeks of school so Bambam will be over during the break or Yugyeom will be at his house, tearing up the joint. “Yeah, Gyeom, Bambam can come over. But only when we’re done, okay?”

Yugyeom nods and raises his arms up. He’s changed the way he likes to hug people recently, especially Jinyoung, so he leans down and wraps his arms around him, lifting him up and shaking him a little. 

Jinyoung was only slightly joking about getting married but he’s known for a long time that Jaebeom is it for him and that means Yugyeom will be around for as long as Jinyoung is. There’s no way he’s giving this up, not when his life couldn’t be more amazing and domestic at the same time.

“Come on,” Jaebeom says, pinching Yugyeom’s nose softly before putting him down. He lets him run straight into the classroom, almost bowling Nichkhun over in the process.

“Geez, you could keep him on a leash and he’d still go flying through the windows,” he laughs, greeting Jaebeom with a dip of his head. “No stopping that boy. And him and Bambam? Jinyoung, you never even warned me about those two.”

“Yeah, they’re trouble,” Jinyoung says, standing up straight. “But the good kind of trouble. I’ll be dead before I have to raise my voice at them.”

“Wouldn’t want to see that,” Nichkhun mumbles, puffing out his cheeks. “Hey, I’ll text you tonight for a run down of the week, okay?”

Jinyoung nods, placing his hand on Jaebeom’s, which is resting on his hip. “Yeah, that’d be good. Thanks for this, Nichkhun-hyung. I really appreciate how much you’ve adapted.” 

It’s a lot to take in, Jinyoung knows but Nichkhun just smiles, shaking his head. “Don’t stress. I’ll see you guys later.” 

Jaebeom waves and pulls Jinyoung by his hand. It’s a Friday, and they need to finish moving the boxes they’ve still got at Jaebeom’s. It will be the weekend soon but it isn’t as scary as it might seem.

They mindlessly chatter as they go up and down the elevator, packing their cars. It doesn’t take long, since Jinyoung already moved most of his stuff into the new apartment and whatever is left of his things is already at Jaebeom’s apartment, packed away.

They meet up at the new apartment, where the beds have already been loaded. They slept here last night to get a feel for it and Yugyeom almost spent the whole night with Jinyoung reading to him so he wouldn’t be scared. He’s never usually scared but it’s never a bad thing to be a little too careful, especially in a new apartment.

Jaebeom and Jinyoung bring up their trolleys in the elevator, almost knocking a poor mother and her toddler over but she just smiles as they whisper between each other about what they’ve got in their boxes. It’s mainly the kitchen stuff, things they can just dump and leave before going back down to the parking lot for the rest of them.

It takes hours but they finally get it sorted. Jinyoung unloads the kitchen while Jaebeom powers through the bathroom and laundry cupboards. He helps Jinyoung when he’s done, unloading what they have for the kitchen and they figure it all out, which will make cooking a hell of a lot easier later on. 

“Yugyeom’s staying at the school, right?” Jaebeom asks when it’s almost three o’clock, the usual time they would leave to pick Yugyeom up. Jinyoung nods, humming as he closes the cutlery drawer. “Okay, good. I’m going to set up his room with him later, if you want to help?”

Jinyoung hums again and lets Jaebeom kiss him, leaning against the counter. For now, they decide to get the lounge room sorted. Jinyoung’s couch was decided on, since it was bigger and softer but Jaebeom won with his television, that he and Mark brought together before Mark got his own.

It’s four thirty by the time they’re done and Jaebeom is lying on the floor, exhausted from it all. Jinyoung could go for another room but he doubts if he started on their wardrobe he’d still be awake by the end of it.

“Come on,” Jinyoung whispers, pulling Jaebeom up. “Let’s lie down, in bed.”

Jaebeom complains but not when Jinyoung pulls him up and carries him to the bedroom. He’s surprised he still has the strength in him. Jaebeom already has his eyes closed when he’s lying on the bed, sighing, content. They brought Jaebeom’s bed, because it’s bigger and Jinyoung has gotten awful used to it these past few weeks.

“Can we just nap?” Jaebeom whispers, curling up to Jinyoung like a cat. “And forget about it?”

“We have to pick Yugyeom up in an hour and a half,” Jinyoung returns, burying a kiss in Jaebeom’s messy hair. It’s getting very long, so long it’s hanging in his eyes.

Jaebeom mumbles a reply but it’s lost to Jinyoung. He yawns and promptly falls asleep like he always does and Jinyoung slips away from him before he falls under the spell of Jaebeom’s naps. They’re too powerful to avoid once he’s lying down so he has to get away.

Jinyoung already kept most of his clothes hung up so he unloads them from the boxes and slots them into the wardrobe. It's meant for two people so Jaebeom gets one half and Jinyoung gets the other. They compromised for one chest of drawers in the wardrobe for Jinyoung while Jaebeom kept his out in the bedroom, where both of them keep their cologne bottles and some of Jaebeom’s watches. 

His phone beeps at five thirty, reminding him of the time to pick Yugyeom up. He’s yet to put up a clock so his phone is his best friend right now. Jaebeom wakes up when Jinyoung walks into the bedroom but not enough to go anywhere so Jinyoung kisses him goodbye and drives to get Yugyeom. 

The little boy is basically bouncing off the walls when he shows up and Nichkhun can barely keep him in the room before he’s running off. “Have a good weekend,” Nichkhun says, exhausted but still able to smile. Yugyeom races down the hall before Jinyoung can return the farewell so he sets off after him, waving the keys when Yugyeom glares at him from the locked car.

“Patience, little one,” Jinyoung says, helping him into the car when it’s unlocked. Yugyeom starts chattering on and on about his day and asks what Jinyoung got up to with the new apartment. They’ll be eating out tonight, since Jinyoung has barely eaten today at all so he asks Yugyeom if hamburgers are okay and of course, the answer is yes.

“Hold my hand,” Jinyoung says when they pull into the car park. “We’re on the seventh floor so we need to be careful.”

“I know,” Yugyeom answers and takes his hand. He insists on pressing the button too so Jinyoung lets him, pressing the door closed afterwards. 

“Hyung might still be asleep so let’s be quiet when we go in. If he’s not, go in and jump on him all you want.” 

Yugyeom smiles up at him and squeezes his hand in return. Jinyoung’s exhausted but Jaebeom is awake when they come back and he stays with Yugyeom while Jinyoung goes to lay down. 

He’s got a killer headache so Jaebeom kisses him goodnight at seven o’clock, from Yugyeom’s bedroom door. They’re halfway through putting up some of Yugyeom’s posters and the little boy keeps flopping down on the bed after he’s done plastering a poster to the wall with enough blu tack to stick a penny to the ground for the rest of eternity.

“I’ll get up later,” Jinyoung mumbles, drawing close to Jaebeom and resting his head on his shoulder.

“No, you’ve done enough,” Jaebeom whispers, rocking him a little from side to side. It doesn’t help much but the thought is sweet. “Go to sleep, I’ll come in when I put Yugyeom to bed.”

Jinyoung hums and lifts his head, mumbling against Jaebeom’s lips. “Good because I don’t think I can sleep alone now.” His boyfriend just smiles and lets him go, turning him towards their bedroom.

_ Their bedroom. _ Jinyoung knows he’s going to get used to that very quickly. It’s too good, really, when he climbs into Jaebeom’s bed that’s now his too. Everything came up Jinyoung in the end, didn’t it?

He does doze off, as Yugyeom and Jaebeom’s voices fade away but he opens his eyes to Jaebeom leaning over him, his cheeks big with a pretty smile. It’s the same smile that made Jinyoung fall for him in the first place, his lip ring tugging at his bottom lip and Jinyoung takes a deep breath, returning the expression.

“All done?” he whispers and Jaebeom nods.

“Yeah, got as much done as we could before Yugyeom decided it was time to sleep.” He taps at Jinyoung’s shoulder and he moves over, sluggish.

Jaebeom gets into bed with him even though it’s… “Nine thirty?” Jinyoung mutters, scoffing when Jaebeom hums. “You took an hour long nap. How are you ready for bed now?”

Jaebeom laughs, burying his face into Jinyoung’s neck. It’s too easy to just lie there and fall into a reverie between them. Jinyoung is constantly in limbo where his mind is simply full of Jaebeom and it’s something to love, something that he has fallen in love with over and over again.

It never takes long for Jaebeom to fall asleep. He’s like a fat cat in the sun- stretched out and snoozing like there’s nothing in the world that could bother him. Jinyoung has always been jealous of it but as he wraps his arm around Jaebeom’s shoulders and stares up at the ceiling, he doesn’t really want to fall asleep just yet.

His mind is running a mile a minute but there’s no bad thoughts, no doubt or guilt cursing him,  _ plaguing _ him. He’s tired, sure but he doesn’t have a headache anymore. He can only sigh, his memories of the last year playing over and over like a muted sitcom on an old television.

It feels like the jigsaw puzzle is complete but all he can do is look at it. He needs a frame it for it to really be done but the picture of him, Jaebeom and Yugyeom is so clear. 

They will live on in the puzzle, putting more and more pieces onto the edges as they move through life. There’s so much more for them to discover, for Jinyoung to discover about Jaebeom and vise versa. But life cannot stop for any of them. They have to walk the path of life together, through the ever changing forests to see the sunlight break through the new horizon of their story.

If this is what Jinyoung is coming up with just in his bed with his boyfriend in his arms, maybe he should be the poet, not Jaebeom. 

Jinyoung is right where he needs to be, with Jaebeom and Yugyeom by his side. Life goes on and Jinyoung will hop onto the train when it comes past, ready for the next chapter over the hill.

Jaebeom falls asleep too easily. Maybe Jinyoung should write these thoughts down. Ah, it can wait until morning.

“Goodnight,” he whispers, into Jaebeom’s too long mullet. Tomorrow will happen tomorrow. For now, Jinyoung will sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this concludes five months of work lol... thank you guys for reading, i seriously appreciate it. this is the biggest amount of traction ive ever gotten for a fic in got7 so im so grateful people wanted to read my silly little (massive) fic. 
> 
> see you in the next one, be safe and have a good rest of the year. i know it's been hell for a lot of people, myself included but i hope that this fic made you smile just a little bit, whenever it was. 
> 
> thanks again. see ya :)
> 
> ps. stream the new comeback! i, as chilibambam, have WON!!! CHILIBAMBAM 1ST WIN!!!

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!! thank you for reading and i hope you have enjoyed! i had this idea in mind for a while and decided to write it so i hope you will like it too !


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